All She Sees
by misscam
Summary: It is strange how much you can see when you've opened your eyes. And Gwen is watching. [Gwen & Merlin friendship, Arthur/Gwen]
Rating: G.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, just my words.
Author's Notes: Spoilers for 3x08, and set after it. Thanks to clevermonikerr for beta.
II
It is strange how much you can see when you've opened your eyes. And Gwen is watching Morgana, and seeing so much that breaks her heart.
A small smirk when Arthur is chastised by his father. Eyes narrowed at Uther's back, unnoticed by Uther. A sharp inhale before smiling at Uther and Arthur both. A smile on her lips that never touch her eyes. The fall in her shoulders as both walk away, as if now finished with something exhausting.
It is as if Morgana is now an act, not the person she once was, and Gwen cannot help but wonder what is beneath. All ice, so pretty to behold, but no life within it? Perhaps that is why something about her has felt wrong ever since she returned and yet has been so hard to pinpoint; ice might give you a reflection you recognise, but only that.
Morgana. Oh, Morgana. Gwen wants so badly to be wrong, so badly it aches in her. Gaius only (vaguely) confirmed her fears, and she cannot talk to Uther, who is wilfully blind to so much, and certainly not to Arthur, who would believe her and therefore should only know if she is dead certain.
So she goes to the only one she can.
II
Merlin is reading a book when she enters his quarters, and hurriedly shoves it away. For a moment, she half worries he is keeping secrets too, then shoves the thought away. Discovering Morgana's duplicity has clearly made her slightly paranoid. Merlin is her friend, he is probably merely reading up on courtship details, as she overheard him threaten Arthur with a crash course in this morning.
"Gwen!" he says cheerily, then seems to read her face. "What is it?"
"I am not sure how to tell you this," she says, sinking down on the chair next to him. "I think Lady Morgana may not be who she once was."
She watches his face as she speaks, and there is no shock or surprised reaction; his shoulders merely slump a little.
"What makes you think that?" he asks, and she knows he must have his own suspicions.
"I saw her use magic in secret. I saw her be shocked and horrified when Arthur returned from his quest, when she should be elated," she says, and he nods slowly. "What makes you think she has changed?"
He meets her eyes, and for a moment seems to consider how to reply. Then he straightens a little.
"She has been working with the sorceress Morgause since her return," he says brutally, and even as it makes so many unexplained little details suddenly make sense, she has to cover her mouth not to cry out in protest. "I have seen them meet in secret. I have seen her raise the dead against Camelot. I have seen her attempt to poison Uther."
"No," she says weakly, a plea more than a protest.
"She conspired to have Arthur killed on his quest using her magic," Merlin goes on. "It is not the first time she has tried to end his life."
"She," Gwen manages. Her mouth feels dry. "She told Cenred about..."
"You and Arthur," he finishes, and puts his hand on hers. "I am so sorry, Gwen."
"Is there no chance you are wrong?" she asks desperately.
"No," he says, and sounds so broken she wants to cry for him too.
"Does Arthur know?" she asks, but already knows the answer before Merlin shakes his head. Arthur would not keep such a secret, and if he even suspected Morgana, he would make sure Gwen was not serving her any more.
"Gaius knows. You and I know. That is all," Merlin says. "Uther would not believe it. Arthur would not want to."
"She has been like a sister to Arthur," Gwen says, noticing Merlin averting his eyes and not looking at her. "Merlin, what else do you know?"
"She is his sister," he says, staring into the air as if he is seeing something there. "She is Uther's child, and she knows it now. She wants the throne of Camelot."
"But Arthur is in the way," she says. She can hear her voice is not quite steady and she bites her lip to keep it from quivering.
"He is in grave danger," Merlin agrees. He looks at her again, and his eyes are pained. "So are you. She has already used the love between you and Arthur once. She may again. You must be careful, Gwen."
She closes her eyes, feeling as if she might be sick. Her heart seems to hurt, as if it is pierced and every beat holds pain. She can feel Merlin's arm around her shoulder, squeezing lightly.
"What will you do?" he asks, and she leans her forehead against his.
"What did you do?"
"Resolve to protect my friends."
She smiles faintly, kissing his forehead before standing up. He looks up at her, the light catching his eyes to make them almost golden.
"Then so will I," she says. "Both of them."
II
In the evening, she passes by Arthur's room to hear Morgana and Arthur's voices filter through the half-open door and into the hallway. She stops, watching Arthur smile and Morgana smile back, a mere pale reflection of his.
Oh, Arthur, she thinks faintly. Loving so loyally, not just her, but his father also, and his sister he considers so by heart, not knowing she is also so by blood.
She ducks around the corner when Morgana walks out, enough out of sight to not be noticed. For a moment she watches her former friend walk away, wondering if Uther might not have the right idea after all; sometimes it is better not to open your eyes at all.
But then, at least seeing danger she might fight it, and for Arthur and Merlin, she is ready for war, if she must.
Arthur looks up as she walks into his room, and his smile seems to light up his whole face. It makes the apology she was intending to give for intruding rather pointless, so she shelves it, instead smiling back.
He must detect something in her smile still, because he frowns. "What is the matter, Guinevere?"
Everything, she wants to say. I have lost a friend and you have gained a sister who wants to be an only child.
"Do you trust me, Arthur?" she asks instead, walking up to him.
"With my life," he says simply, no hesitation. Her heart seems to skip a beat at his words, but she forces the desire to kiss him breathless for it away; it must wait.
"I cannot tell you yet," she says, touching his cheek softly; he leans into the touch. "I must be sure first. I cannot hurt you so until I must. I do not want to... I fear... "
He looks at her, and she can see him think and consider her words, trying to find where they might lead.
"Just know I will do what I can to keep your safe," she says, nodding furiously. She will. She must. Arthur would not let her serve Morgana if he knew there was even the slightest danger, but in serving Morgana she can keep watching. She will not let him die, not if she can see the danger and prevent it.
"I thought that was my job," he says, sounding slightly petulant, and she manages a slight smile.
"Of course," she says lightly. "Who could ask for a better protector than the prince of Camelot, known for his courage?"
"You are mocking me," he says, and before she can react, he has put his arms around her, pulling her close. "I mean it, Guinevere. Whatever you think you cannot tell me yet, whatever you are afraid of. I will keep you safe. Do you not trust me?"
"I do," she says, brushing her lips against his so lightly it is barely a touch at all. "I trust you with all of my heart."
Very soon, she will have to break his heart, she knows. But for now, she closes her eyes as he kisses her; she's seen enough for one day.
II
And on the other side of the door, Morgana listens, always looking for something she can use to take the throne and her revenge.
It's all she ever sees any more.
FIN
