Sequel to Protection.
Gwen made her way from Gaius' chambers to her own, walking slowly. Even a week after Merlin's death, the castle was strangely silent. The lack of his cheerful presence was felt by everyone. So many little gifts and tokens had been laid in his funeral boat that it had begun to sink. Not an eye had been dry as the fire was lit and the boat pushed off from the shore. Even Arthur had shed tears.
As for Gwen, she wanted to cry every time she thought his name, or heard it mentioned. That boy she had first met in the stocks, who had been nothing but gentle and kind to her; who had encouraged her whenever she despaired over her future with Arthur; who had never been afraid to jump to anyone's defense without even a weapon in his hands. He was gone. How could he be gone? Like a candle snuffed out. She suddenly realized she was crying. Again. She didn't bother trying to hide it from the people who passed her; she simply pulled out her handkerchief and used the only corner left dry from her last cry to blow her nose.
When she stepped into her rooms, she saw two things. Arthur standing by the window, and the floor strewn with clothing and papers. She tried to keep her own things picked up, and being a former servant it was mostly second nature to her; she also tried to put Arthur's things away when she could, but with her duties as queen she didn't have much time. She crossed over to Arthur's side and wrapped her hands around his arm.
"Why don't you get another servant?" she asked softly.
He looked down at her, hastily wiping tears from his eyes. "A long time ago," he said, in a slightly choked voice. "He said … if I ever got another servant … not to get a bootlicker. Well, you and he were the only servants I've ever had who weren't."
"At least get someone to clean up for you once in a while," she said. "I know no one will ever replace … Merlin. But ..." she stopped and leaned into him, heaving with sobs.
He put his arm around her, rested his chin on her head, and she felt tears soaking through her hair.
"I just can't believe he's gone," she whispered when she had control of herself again. "I keep expecting to see him … everywhere. There's hardly been a day since he came that I didn't see him at least once. I always just assumed … he'd be there forever."
Arthur said nothing, and they stood in silence for a long time. At last she pulled away from him gently.
"Let's sit down," she said.
They sat on the edge of the bed and she tried to summon the courage to tell him everything.
"You're not like your father, you know," she said at last.
"So you've been saying ever since we got to know each other," he replied with a slight smile.
"It's true, Arthur. Uther was … a good king in many ways. But you know what defined his reign more than anything else."
Arthur hesitated. "Keeping Camelot safe."
"No, you know that's not true."
He sighed. "Destroying magic."
"Yes. And that took precedence over the kingdom's safety many times. I'm glad you're not like that."
"I believe a man should be judged by what he's done."
"I know. Uther condemned many people on hearsay alone. I myself, and … Merlin, were accused of sorcery several times."
"I would do anything in my power to go back and change those times," he said, pushing a tendril of her hair behind her ear.
"But, Arthur, supposing … say, I or Merlin had magic, and it had been proved. What would you have done then?"
"I … don't think it would have changed how I thought of either of you. I was convinced once, when that goblin who possessed Gaius told us Merlin had magic. But I still didn't want to see him … punished."
She took a deep breath, knowing she had to say it now or she'd never say it. "Merlin had magic," she blurted out tearfully.
Arthur just stared at her as if she had spoken in a foreign language.
"Merlin had magic!" she repeated.
He shook himself, still staring. "What … do you mean?"
"Didn't you wonder where that sorceress had gone?"
"No," he said slowly. "I figured it would sort itself out. It always has before."
"Because of Merlin!" Tears spilled onto her cheeks. "It's been Merlin all along. Magical threats always sorted themselves out because of him."
"Why didn't he tell me?" Gwen winced at the hurt in Arthur's tone.
"He was afraid. All those little things you would say to him … about magic. He was afraid he would lose your friendship."
"But Merlin told me ..." Arthur growled. "He told me 'There is no place for magic in Camelot.' That's what he told me! Why would he have said that if he had magic?"
"Because he always did what he thought was right, not what would benefit him. He was prepared to hide his magic for his whole life, if he had to, if it was the only way to protect Camelot … and you."
"And how long have you known about it?"
"Only since … that last day. He destroyed the sorceress after she struck him down. I saw him do it."
Arthur stared down at his hands for a long time. Gwen knew he must be rethinking everything about Merlin, everything that had ever happened around him when Merlin was there.
Please don't be angry with him. Please don't. Please don't.
"Why would he care about protecting me?" Arthur asked at last in a low voice. "All I ever did was insult him and throw things at him."
"That's not true, Arthur. You've risked your life for him many times. He knew you cared about him. Besides, he didn't always let you get away with it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Ever wondered why … you sometimes tripped over nothing right after telling him how clumsy he was?"
Understanding came into his eyes. And almost the gleam of a real, proper smile. "I always thought that was odd."
Gwen gave a small laugh, then became serious again. "He always used his magic for good, Arthur. Always."
"And for tripping me into mud puddles."
"Well, and that." Gwen hesitated. "And he said that … he wished he had told you years ago. He wanted me to tell you for him."
Again Arthur was silent for a long moment before saying, "I wish he had, too. He wouldn't have lost my friendship. I think he might have strengthened it." He paused. "Thank you for telling me. I feel like … I got to have him back for a few minutes."
He moved as if to stand up, but she held him back. "Wait, Arthur. There's more." She forced her voice to remain steady. "I have magic too."
Arthur fell back heavily, closing his eyes before looking her straight in the face. "What?" He laughed. "Am I going to find everyone except myself has magic? I can believe Merlin had magic; that explains a lot. But you? Impossible."
"Let me explain," she said. "I've only had it for a week."
His brow knit in confusion.
"When he was … dying, Merlin gave me all of his magic. He wanted you to be protected, even when he couldn't do it anymore. I've only had it for this one week."
She cupped her hands together and said, "Gewyrc an lif." When she opened her hands, a small blue bird rested on the tips of her fingers before flying out of the window.
Arthur looked at her in awe and she smiled a bit shyly. "Gaius told me that was one of Merlin's favorite spells," she said. "He loved birds and animals."
"If he had done that in front of me, I would have called him a girl," Arthur sighed. "But he really was the bravest man I've ever known." Then he smiled. "I honestly can't think of anyone who deserves to have magic more than you and Merlin."
The End
