I would say I feel bad for this, but that would be a dirty lie. I've never felt less bad about a fic in my life. I likes me some hurt!Jim so I wrotes me some hurt!Jim. I am still working on Anika XII, I promise, but I finally got motivation to start this one. As always, thank you for the lovely reviews and favorites, and thanks for reading this one. OH ALSO I FORGOT-I'm sorry for making this multichapter? It's just that 99% of the time I WILL NOT read anything that is over 3 chapters or 4k words, so it's kind of hypocritical for me to make this a multichapter thing. Eheh. Sorry. But thank you for having a longer attention span than mine! 3

Disclaimer: No me ownsta.


Jim was, in many ways, like a blazing sun. Anyone around him became his satellites, and were affected by his flares of mood. When he shone, they grew brighter and happier. When he was clouded by thought or circumstance, they cooled down. The relationship was noticed by few, but it was an undeniable constant.

The weather was abysmal this particular day. It was nearly silent on the bridge; her residents reflected the wordless hurricane that was the captain. Jim hadn't moved since his shift began. He only spoke when spoken to. He simply stared forward without expression and almost without breathing or blinking.

The comm link on the chair beeped and a very irritated Bones called, "Captain, can I see you down here immediately if not sooner?"

For the first time in a while, Jim smiled faintly. "My pleasure, doctor. Be down in five."

Jim actually didn't dawdle on his way to sickbay. Before entering, he carefully arranged his expression into one of polite interest. He found the infirmary rather active; though no patients were on the roster, nurses and assorted staff were digging in cabinets, drawers, and even looking under beds.

Jim allowed a quick smile before returning to neutrality. "What's up, Bones?" he asked lightly.

"I'll tell you what's up!" the doctor stormed. "I am missing crates full of hyposprays and several important pieces of medical equipment! They just disappeared overnight! Jim, I swear, if you had anything to do with this-"

"Bones, why would I sabotage the place that keeps me alive? I dunno what happened, but I'll look into it. Promise."

Bones looked slightly placated, but fired right back up when a nurse had a negative report for one of the storage rooms. Jim gave another small smile and leaned against a counter to wait. Bones ordered the nurse to look again and launched into a rant. "Of all the things. Why? Why hyposprays? Why couldn't someone have stolen all the socks? I am thoroughly convinced that I'm one of the few halfway competent people on this ship and why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you do when you're drunk."

Jim just grinned and changed the subject. "I'm sorry this happened. You do a great job, Bones. Best CMO I could ask for."

Bones squinted. "You are drunk."

"If that's all, doc, I gotta get back. Good luck with your scavenger hunt."

Bones let it go. He had bigger things to worry about. "Christine, where the hell are the-there were a bunch of hypos right here! Are you kidding me?!"

Jim left his CMO to his mental breakdown. He felt slightly bad about the whole thing, but he was sure Bones would find all the missing materials in a few days. He would definitely get desperate enough to check down in the cargo bay. Jim walked with his arms to his sides to conceal the hypos lining the insides of his sleeves.


Spock waylaid Jim on his way back to the bridge. "Captain," he called, "I wanted you to look over this report of the incident with the damaged Klingon warship before I submitted it."

Jim groaned aloud. "Yeah, let's see it."

He scrolled through the report on the holographic PADD, only skimming for a few key phrases. "Looks fine. I see you included that we offered help, but they declined."

"Of course. It's one of the most important details of the incident."

"Great." Jim returned the PADD. "Really great. Send it on in."

Unfortunately for Jim, Spock fell into step beside him. "If I may," Spock began.

Jim rolled his eyes. "You're going to anyway."

"You've been very subdued as of late. Is everything alright?"

"Everything is...fantastic, Spock, just fantastic."

"Something tells me that's sarcasm."

"I'm just tired." And in a way, that was the truth. Jim was tired because of things that hadn't happened yet, but that was impossible to explain. "In fact...d'you mind taking over? I need to go to bed."

Spock frowned slightly. "Are you alright? Do I need to notify Dr. McCoy?"

Jim managed a laugh. "If I were you, I wouldn't bother Dr. McCoy unless it's a life or death situation. No, I just need a rest. Trust me?"

Spock nodded once. Jim watched him go with a feeling of resignation, then headed to his quarters to put some sleep hours in the bank.


The second Jim lay down for an early night, he wished desperately that he hadn't. Thoughts about the future swarmed his preemptively exhausted mind like ants to a piece of candy. Phantom soreness seeped into his muscles. He almost summoned Spock for a chat. His pride thanked him, however, for instead of that he called Bones.

"What?" Bones answered grouchily.

"Favor: send a sedative hypo to my room."

"What? Why? Are you sick?"

"Everything's fine. Just trust me."

Bones grumbled a moment but approved. In moments a hypo arrived in the transport slot. Jim eyed it, sighed, and flopped onto the bed before gently pressing the sedative into his neck. He mused in the seconds before unconsciousness that this would be the nicest sleep he'd get for a while.