Dedicated to the fighters,

Never give up. Your dreams are valuable.

—R.W.


Chapter One: Static

Scars littered skin previously untouched. His torso was composed almost entirely of scar tissue, the echoes of wounds twisting together into a jumbled mess to remind him of the horrors of war. Becoming a soldier was meant to honor his grandfather and to make his ma proud, but the teachers never really show you what it's like to fight with your fist against people with weapons, people with guns.

Some scars were from monsters, from scratches to bite marks. Others from swords, magic, bullets. For him, it was hard to distinguish them anymore. They were just scars. Ugly, permanent connections to the mindless war he'd fought. He didn't want them, didn't want to reminisce about the days he spent aching, bleeding, sleeping in a tent never knowing when he'd get to go home again.

Weeks would pass with him thinking every day that he would finally die, and he never did, somehow even managing to survive a high security prison buried in the middle of the desert. What was left of him after the war was a kind of shell, empty and barely there. Each scar brought him back to a place of fear and wanting to die. Stumbling backwards as his thoughts ran wild, he fell on his back, pushing himself away from the grats ganging up on him as best he could, scared like a child being tormented by a bigger bully for his lunch money.

And there it was, the sad end to his story. Local war hero attacked by grats: dies in training center. How pathetic. There was no honor in the way his breath hitched, caught in his throat like a coward. There was no pride to be had for the boy scattering about on the ground, trying to decide between a death in the water or a death-by-grat, as if either one could redeem him of his shortcomings.

Heart rate rising, eyes widening, he barely noticed how shaky his breathing had become. The training center felt bigger than he remembered, nearly doubling the size of Garden all on its own. Of course, that made sense with all the monsters and kids running around, and even more sense with T-Rexaur lurking for battles at the worst possible times. Yet, somehow, in spite of the four years he had spent training there, it had become unfamiliar. The world had become his training center and many of those creatures were more disturbing than any here. That only left him being more ashamed of his fall here in his own home.

Sucking in a quick breath, he was unable to manage a scream before he threw himself into the water as a last ditch effort to avoid the charging grats. Splashing in the water, he immediately realized the pond was taller than he was. There was no chance of finding any footing and climbing back ashore wouldn't do any good until the enemies split. Fear set in and he was only barely able to keep his head above water. Suddenly, it seemed like drowning was the only way this ended.

What felt like hours in the water left him cold, lips blue and body tense. His eyes fell closed and he let himself drift, mind flashing back to the war once more. Thinking about all the times he should have died. The Timber incident, the battle against Edea in Galbadia, the prison, the missile base that exploded, and even in fighting Ultimecia herself. In the moment, he preferred any of those deaths to this one.

Just as he began to give up hope, a man yelling caught his attention and his eyes snapped back open. Though the scream had felt distant, he came to realize the man was only a few feet away from the water where Zell strayed. A sword sliced into the enemies, falling quickly one by one at the hands of a master swordsman clad in white. Surely it was the fact the near-unconsciousness that sprung his admiration of this swordsman, though there was a tint to his cheeks only explainable by feelings he refused to have.

A hand extended and Zell lifted his own, shaky as it was, grateful for being rescued. The taller man's hand was warm and suddenly he had a craving for that feeling, for that heat. Like a moth to a flame, he couldn't pull away from the man's grip. He found himself leaning closer, pressing his weight into the taller man's side, finding a comfortable closeness previously unimagined.

"Hyne, Chickie. You're fucking freezing."

It was true: the odds of him having hypothermia were sky high. Before he could respond, he'd been pulled into the long, white jacket, arms wrapped tight against his savior and he knew he was growing delusional. Seifer Almasy was no hero, and yet there they were. Zell, freezing and only half-conscious, and Seifer, warm and heroic and an anchor to reality. Something to keep Zell from slipping into a sleep he couldn't promise he'd return from.

"A-Are you just-just here to... to tell me I'm — breaking curfew? Bec-cause we're allowed to be in here for... for training purposes, even if it's — after hours."

Zell was stuttering, though it wasn't exactly something he could help with the way his jaw trembled. They were moving, but his feet were more dragging in the path set by Seifer's. The strong arm around his waist was support, the taller man practically carrying the SeeD all by himself. It wasn't a tremendous feat or good deed, considering how small Zell was, but it was unanticipated, a real story to tell later and show how Seifer had changed.

"Relax, I was here to train when I saw your idiotic ass stuck in the water. And to think, you're the SeeD of the two of us. Unbelievable."

"Tch, yeah, fine, whatever. If you're g-going to insult me you may as well j-just... leave me here. I don't need this."

Because, clearly, dying alone in the water was easier than dealing with the fact that he'd been saved by his lifelong enemy. By the man who'd helped an evil sorceress nearly take over the world. The man who had given Squall a scar he'd have to live with forever, and the man that had broken Zell's heart a decade ago. Really, he should have been over it by now, but some things are just too hard to move past.

Zell didn't notice how limp he went, or how little he was contributing to them getting out of there. The door was just barely in sight and there was a relief that clashed with the dragging feeling that the yards between them and freedom somehow felt like miles. Stopping on a dime, Zell looked up at Seifer in confusion before he felt himself lifted up. A small scream escaped his lips as he wrapped his arms around Seifer's neck and curled up as much as he could, resting his head against the man's shoulder.

It felt more like home there than it should have. He was being treated like an infant, like he didn't know how to take care of himself, and yet part of him recognized the necessity. From there, their movement became swifter and he did manage to relax. For a moment, falling asleep didn't seem so terrifying anymore. No, for a moment, he felt like he would be safe as long as he was there. Some messed up story this was.

"Come on, keep your eyes open. I'm gonna get you to the infirmary and everything's gonna be okay. Just look at me, stay focused. You can do this."

Blinking, Zell allowed himself to do as instructed and focus on Seifer. Maybe it was his imagination, but Seifer's face felt somehow more define than it had been half a year ago. Perhaps it was the scar, contributing to a maturity no one had been sure Seifer would ever have. A maturity that hadn't been seen in any of Seifer's SeeD exams. In a way, Zell could see it now. Could see a man that had found himself in the rubble of what had been his life.

In a way, that was a positive result of the war, the fact that Seifer could stand among adults now. Zell still wished none of it had happened. Nights were the worst. In the dark, anything became possible and the idea that he didn't know what would be waiting for him was terrifying. As little as a growl was enough to put him on edge and to think a dragon would come out of the closet just to fight him. Maybe it was just his own fears manifesting in the horror he had experienced. Talking to Doctor Kadowaki about it was probably the best thing he could do.

After all, they had already been home for a month and that was hardly something he should be afraid of after being home so long. Granted, he'd left the Garden on minor missions since, but the scariest thing he'd encountered was a bite bug outside of Balamb. His own mother didn't know about his nightmares; he hadn't even shown her his scars. There was no point in worrying her with things that were in the past.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Zell found himself lying in a bed with two bodies over him. One, though he struggled to identify given the light in his face, was Seifer. The other was Doctor Kadowaki. Fighting through the ringing in his ears, he managed to catch part of the conversation. Seifer was explaining that Zell had fallen into the pond and that he needed to be looked at and she was agreeing. There was an exchange, almost angry in nature, that he couldn't understand, and then Seifer stormed out as he tended to do.

With Seifer gone, Zell's eyes fell closed.


Waking up brought his headache back to life and looking at the light left him wanting to hurl. Preparing for that, he turned over, but coughed up nothing. There was no sign of Seifer or Kadowaki which meant he was alone. Or, as alone as someone could be when there was a viewing window between his room and a hallway anyone could walk through. He couldn't help but wonder if Seifer had come through there, or if he'd checked in at all. The amount of sun coming through his window said it was definitely afternoon, so it was obvious everyone who was coming already had.

Groaning, Zell forced himself to sit up, an arm wrapped around his stomach to keep himself balanced. He felt lightheaded, almost as if he were floating. Another grunt signaled him throwing his legs over the edge of the bed and pushing himself off until he could feel the floor. It took a moment of psyching himself up to stand, but he managed to find a balance and walk slowly out of his room. Keeping a hand against the wall, he remained upright and able to slide to the next room. Kadowaki was on the phone facing the other way.

That's when he made the dumb decision to leave quietly. It took nearly half an hour to get back to his dorm and change into clothes that didn't have blood on them. Another twenty minutes went by while he gathered himself together for the day. He wasn't going to give up on spending time with his friends just because he felt stiff and uncomfortable. If anything, seeing them would help him loosen up.

First things first: he needed lunch. The cafeteria was packed and loud and far from where he wanted to be. The only benefit to standing there was the hot dogs, which he was luckily able to get a tray of to enjoy. Taking a seat at a miraculously empty table, Zell nearly collapsed as he settled in. One arm propped him up with his chin in his hand. His free hand was for eating. Eyes glued to the tray of food, Zell had to resist rolling his eyes at the sound of footsteps stopping in front of his table.

"Zell Dincht eating hot dogs without inhaling them all at once. Now that's something new." The jab came from a friend and wasn't meant to be rude. Irvine had even said it with a smile before sitting down without asking. "No offense, but you kinda look like hell. What happened to you?"

Though he opened his mouth to answer, no words left his lips. There wasn't time before the rest of the team somehow appeared and joined. It was like an empty table was a summoning mechanism for the people you trusted. In all honesty, it was a miracle they were even all still there. Rinoa hadn't figured out what she wanted to do now that the war had been stopped and Irvine didn't want to go back to Galbadia and leave Selphie here. It had been a month and still nobody had plans for what came next.

Of course, they had never been trained for anything but beating the sorceress, and now they'd done that. There was no more mission statement, unless they were just waiting for a new sorceress to turn evil. Garden was undergoing restructuring but Zell wasn't sure they had any idea what they wanted to restructure into. It was a disaster, but he stayed. As a SeeD, it was his job to stay and await further instruction, though part of him had begun hoping the only order left was to go home.

He had done his time. He ran around for months following a time-ruining sorceress who had brainwashed someone he kind of cared about. He had watched everyone turn against each other when NORG tried to take over Garden. And now here they all were, sitting in a school cafeteria like normal students. Like normal teenagers who hadn't just barely made it out of a war alive. It was amazing how Zell felt so alienated, like he was the only one who had been affected so detrimentally. Could it be that he was overreacting? No, he wasn't a chicken like Seifer thought. He had just become broken somewhere along the line.

"Zell, you look totally awful! Are you alright? Don't tell me the cute girl in the library dumped you."

Blinking at Selphie's concern, Zell offered the closest thing to a smile he could muster and shook his head. No, it wasn't anything like that. As much as he loved his friends, talking to them about this wasn't an option. He wasn't even sure if he did want to talk to Kadowaki. It was personal and something he was determined to work through all on his own. He had always been alone. Before the war, he was distant from everyone. Focused only on becoming a SeeD. Great lot of good that did him. So he dismissed the concern with a wave.

"She and I aren't together, and I'm just really tired. I don't know how much sleep I managed to get last night."

"But she likes you and —"

"—What Selphie's trying to say, Zell, is we know you've liked her for a while and if seeing her makes you happy, we support you."

Quistis cutting in was appreciated, but her hand reaching out for his forearm confused him. Was that meant to be comforting? If anything, it was uncomfortable being touched by a girl, having her stare at him with soft eyes as if there were expectations of his actions. He swallowed hard and shifted to reclaim his arm. Hoping it would make things less awkward, he ate one of the hot dogs in front of him, chewing only twice before he swallowed.

"Thanks, but I don't like her anymore."

Squall seemed bored, not that he could really be blamed for it. The only person he had ever liked was Rinoa, and their drama was more or less in the past. They'd been together, in one capacity or another, for a few months. Things were going great. Zell was jealous. Not of either of them in particular, but of the fact that they were both able to find beauty in a horrible war. Jealous of the lengths Squall went to to make sure that she survived.

"You could go to the infirmary if you're not feeling well."

"I was already there this morning. I'm fine, guys, really. I had a little accident in the training center, but I — Seifer got me out."

He could have lied. It might have been easier than admitting Seifer Almasy had a decent bone in his body. Yet the truth spoke of miracles and changes. It spoke to how a person can evolve as they go through trials. They would always be rivals, but maybe one day they could be friends, too. He knew how hard it must have been on Seifer since Raijin and Fujin left, both Galbadia-bound. Using Galbadia Garden as their hideout in the war had given all three of them time to acquaint themselves with the place and it was certainly nothing to scoff at.

Despite Balamb being the first Garden constructed, Galbadia was by far the most advanced and had more opportunities. Speaking honestly, Zell wasn't sure why Seifer had stayed instead of transferring alongside his posse. Maybe as much as they needed to lead themselves, he needed to discover what it was to be a real person and be alone once in a while. Either way, it had been noticeably tough. That was likely the reason he had been training so late.

"Bullshit," Irvine finally called, expression that of unwavering disbelief.

"No," Zell admitted, shaking his head with the small raise of one eyebrow. "I started drowning and he pulled me out, carried me to the infirmary."

A few eyebrows went up and he could see the whispers developing in their minds. Little telepathic messages between each of the couples, and Quistis was still looking at him. He stifled a sigh. It made sense if everyone thought he was going to end up with her just because they were the only two in the gang not paired up. After the war, it only took a week for Irvine and Selphie to get together. Maybe even Quistis herself thought the two of them would fall together eventually, but he knew better. Maybe that was why having her stare made him shift in discomfort.

"That is so sweet." Of course Rinoa would think that. She had been trying to convince them of Seifer's decency since day one. "Maybe he's trying to bury the hatchet! You need to go thank him, Zell! It's the right thing to do."

But he scoffed. The right thing to do? Saving Zell had been the least Seifer could have done, considering how many times he'd nearly gotten the smaller boy killed over the last six months. Although part of him felt like she did have a point. He could say thank you and leave it at that, assuming he could get that close to Seifer without turning red from anger and storming out.

"If you want to, you need to go find him now."

"Why's that? You got him doin' somethin', Squall?"

There was a moment of dead silence. Squall's face was unreadable, but he didn't give any hints that this could be anything happy. Irvine seemed to fold in on himself a little bit and even Selphie was uncharacteristically quiet. Whatever was going on was uncomfortable and Zell found his heart pounding harder as though he were concerned. What he didn't notice was the way his fingernails dug into his knees or how he leaned over the table as if getting closer would make one of them spit out the secret.

"Seifer leaves first thing in the morning for Galbadia. His trial is this week."

Zell abandoned all tension, jaw dropping with the news. He had completely forgotten. After the war, everyone was in a panic trying to figure out how to put the world back together. Angry citizens wanted those responsible for the war to be arrested, some wanted them killed. Thanks to backing by the Esthar President Laguna Loire, he'd gotten himself a month to go home and prepare, but suddenly Zell didn't know if anyone had actually prepared for a trial or if they had all just tried to avoid it like he had.

A hand found its way into Zell's and upon looking up he realized it was Rinoa's. Somehow her gaze didn't hurt him like Quistis'. It was friendlier and came from a place of compassion, not pity or potentially lust. It was an innocent attempt at comfort and he smiled up at her to the best of his ability, giving her hand a light squeeze to say don't let go and she didn't.

"If the guy's about to go get a death sentence, I guess I can be nice to him for one night."

They could have been friends, under different circumstances. Maybe if they hadn't been in the same orphanage they could have gotten along in school. Or maybe if they had simply forgotten how much they hated each other between Zell getting adopted and the both of them showing up at Garden. He could barely even remember how their fighting got started anymore, they were so young...

Scarfing down the rest of his hot dogs, Zell decided to be the bigger man. It was one night and then the rest of Seifer's life would be in the hands of Galbadia's counsel. Maybe they finally could bury the hatchet, become better people. Start saving the world they worked together to break one small deed at a time. And it was all going to start right there in Balamb with two teenage rivals.

End Chapter One