Athazagoraphobia
1
"Reita? Reita, wake up!" Kai crouched near Reita's head and shook his shoulders slightly. Reita still sleepy got up, forgetting his habit of not wearing much to bed, and went to the kitchen. Kai was shocked still; he was still staring blankly at the bed. Reita awake now, but not dressed saw Kai sitting still and laughed.
"Kai snap out of it! You're meeting her today." Kai sighed; he was in love with a man who was in love with someone else. Kai went to his room to change and wait. After Reita got dressed and ready Kai got up. Reita was stunning in all-black, only his nose-strap was the same opaque pearl color. In his usual bad boy style of course. Kai was innocently beautiful in dark grey. They both sat down by the entry way to pull on their boots and coats. "She doesn't know that she's meeting you yet." He said smirking. Getting in the car, Reita sped to the meeting place, the fountain in the park. Reita was eager to see his girl, to sort out last night.
Kai, being sick from the last tour and pushing himself too hard for the band, had passed out in the shower. Getting a wet, cuddly, kawaii Kai out had turned him on, more than anyone else had, including his girlfriend. What was worse was that Kai was incredibly bad at hiding his attraction for him…and that kept Reita up all night, wondering why he was 'happy'.
Reita pulled up near the fountain, you could see a slim woman, with pigtails and a large red bag. Kai stiffened, the figure was familiar, painfully so.
"Hey Reita?" Kai asked nervously. "What's her name?"
"Emi why?" Reita said quickly looking at Kai. Kai just smiled.
"I won't bring it up not if she hasn't already." He muttered as they got out of the small black car. Reita and Kai walked over to Emi who ran up to Reita giving him a hug with a smile. He kissed her forehead and introduced Kai, she nodded and smiled.
"That's odd; I think I used to date a man named Kai…maybe. Ha-ha doesn't matter anyway does Reita talk about me? Its good things I hope!" she said laughing obviously not bothered by it. Kai just pasted on a smile and nodded every six seconds and smiled robotically every three. The only one to notice how robotic Kai acted was Reita, who wondered what was wrong. After about an hour of talking Kai withdrawing into a shell of a character, shaking slightly. After an hour and a half Kai's phone rang, it was Mr. Manager. Obviously looking for a way out he quickly answered, moving away to talk. Reita took his chance and hugged Emi, not expecting but hoping for a rush of something. What he felt, nothing? Emi looked up at him, still nothing. He let go troubled and confused. This wasn't right, he shouldn't feel more attracted to Kai then Emi…should he? Looking at the ground thinking on what he was feeling, Reita didn't noticed Kai walking back obviously wanting to leave shaking more openly now.
"Reita?" Kai asked bending into Reita's field of view. Reita's traitorous heart leaped at the sight of Kai. "Reita I have to go to the office…or somewhere far from…um yeah I have to leave can you drive me?" Kai stumbled out. Reita nodded as muttering Kai walked to the car. Looking at Emi, who was scratching a small round red spot on her collarbone, Reita turned and walked to the car as well, worried about Kai. In the car Kai looked on the verge of tears, just shaking his head no when Reita was about to ask what was wrong. "I just want to go." Getting to the studio he pulled out a cigarette to smoke. After ten minutes he seemed to be calm and he flicked the cigarette away and walked in. The Manager was sitting at a table surrounded by papers.
"Ah what are you doing here?" Reita looked at him confusedly. Manager was sitting looking more confused the Reita. Kai sat down at the desk and pulled out his pact of cigarettes that the Manager had took from him. He got up and taking out his favorite Zippo left the room, lighting one up. His hands were still shaking.
The car was quiet as Reita drove around happy for once that Kai didn't have a license. He was shaking like mad and the cigarettes didn't seem to help and Kai, in frustration threw them in the back.
"Where do you want to go now?" Reita said worried about his friend. Kai turned his head to the window and seemed to sink into the seat as he gave up on whatever he was trying to do.
"I just…I just want to go home." Kai said shaking. His voice sounded so sad that it made Reita's heart ache just to listen to the normally positive and happy man. Well, unless you messed with his drums. When they got home Kai rushed in, Reita followed deeply concerned and confused. Kai sat on the far end of the couch in the living room shaking running his left hand through his hair as his right hand fumbled at a phone. Reita faintly heard dial-tone as he came up behind Kai to see if he needed anything. Swearing Kai hung up and tried another number, Reita was very worried, this wasn't like Kai…something was very wrong. The phone started ringing and Kai seemed to be relived for a minute then his face darkened again as what Reita could only guess was an answering machine. "Aoi…Aoi please pick up…it's happening again. It's really hard this time, even the cigarettes didn't work. Ruki wouldn't pick up…nothing's working…I'm so cold…please call back." Reita was shocked to hear such a desolate voice come from Kai. What was going on? Reita was panicking but tried to keep a steady outward appearance, he sat on the couch, exactly three inches away from Kai.
"Kai? What's wrong?" Reita set a hand on the slightly shaking back, startled at how cold he was. Kai looked at him, his eye's slightly dead. "Kai…what happened? You've been acting weird all day and I really want to know what is going on!" his phone rang and Kai picked it up, his face seeming animated for a little before it darkened again.
"Why can't you? You've been doing it for a while! All I need is you to find something that…yes…no, not Uruha…yea Reita…fine…No! I won't! He can't…he wouldn't…yea okay but when he doesn't want to come down here and help."
He held the phone out to Reita and slouched slightly down like he lost hope for whatever he was desperately trying to do for the last two hours. Reita grabbed the phone. "Hello?" there was a strange noise and a mumble, along with the sound of a shower.
"Reita? Reita its Aoi, you've noticed Kai acting odd right?" Aoi said carefully.
"Aoi? Yeah I've noticed what about it?" Reita said wanting some answers.
"Well you know phobia's right?" Aoi started out.
"Yeah I have an irrational fear of heights and Ruki." Reita said. Aoi laughed.
"Oh the fear of Ruki is entirely rational. But Kai has Athazagoraphobia."
"Yeah…I knew that…" Reita said mentally trying to remember what the hell it was. Aoi laughed again.
"You have no idea what it is do you?" he laughed out. Reita muttered no. "It's the fear of being forgotten, I want to ask something very serious, I need you to calm him down. He may not look like he's freaking out but…"
"He's shaking like mad, I don't think he knows but he's muttering some kind of chant…yeah he's freaking out." Aoi laughed slightly almost bitterly.
"Do exactly as I say when I say it." Aoi said all humor left his voice. Reita gulped knowing this was serious. "Are you wearing a shirt?"
"Yes, but why does it-" Reita looked at his black shirt.
"Take it off." Aoi ordered. Reita stared at the wall.
"WHAT! Why?" Aoi groaned in anger.
"Right now Kai is in a very dark, cold place, he thinks' he's left there and don't dare you think that it's a place anyone would like to be. Now take off your shirt." Reita quickly shed his shirt along with his undershirt. Kai looked up blandly at the noise of the shirt hitting the carpet; how dead his eyes looked made Reita believe every word he was told. "Is it off?" Aoi asked quickly.
"Yes what next? Hurry he looks worse." Reita said quickly.
"Is Kai cold?" Reita reached out and stroked Kai's cheek.
"Yes." He could hear Aoi mutter swear words in dialect. "What do I do?"
"Take off his shirt." Reita on any other circumstances would think Aoi was playing a trick, but Kai wouldn't even respond to anything. Reita gently took Kai's light grey shirt off, setting it on a table nearby. He muttered that he did it, too scared of what might happen to his Kai if he didn't follow instructions. "Now hold him and talk to him, make him know he's not forgotten and never will be. Remind him of GazettE and how needed he is to you-uh to all of us. He should be okay, considering it's you. I'll check in later. Bai-bai." Aoi hung up and Reita was confused but followed directions.
He gathered Kai in his arms and carried him to his room, as he remembered that in interviews Kai had said his room is where he relaxes. At the touch of his skin, Kai seemed to gravitate to it, setting his now tear stained face on Reita's shoulder, lying down Reita made sure that their skin was touching. After an hour Kai had seemed to calm down enough for Reita to feel it was safe enough to talk.
"Kai, what made you think you were forgotten?" Reita murmured. Kai's forehead had ended up resting on his collarbone; there was no need to talk loud. Besides it would startle Kai. Kai rustled his legs, and Reita pulled a blanket up around them.
"She did forget me, there's no 'think'. We dated…three years…I'm forgotten…I'm…not worth remembering." Kai's voice was a dull rasp, as if he was fighting something.
"Kai, do I bother remembering anything unnecessary?" Reita asked slowly.
"No, you only remember what you think is important." Kai said a little sadly.
"So if you're so easily forgettable, why can't I stop thinking about you?" Reita whispered moving Kai's face to two inches from his. Fresh tears started running down his face. Reita wiped them away softly with his fingers. "I don't want to like you…" Kai turned his face away; Reita turned it back with a frown. "But…you're stuck in my head, you're not going to be forgotten by me or the rest of us." Kai turned over, not wanting to believe it. Reita pulled him back against him, setting his head in the crook of Kai's neck. "It confused me how little things you did affected me more than anyone else. You helped me through so much, You getting sick made me drop everything to take care of you, even though you could on your own. You could do a lot of things If I wasn't around by yourself…but I want to help for god knows why." Kai stiffened and Reita laughed. "I'm always telling you your cooking sucks, that your drum beats are slightly off, no matter how perfect they might be…I mean I can't even make spaghetti." Kai looked at Reita at the slightly zoned look in his eyes and the soft smile that played at his lips. He still didn't want to believe. "How could she forget someone like you? The fact she left says she really fucked up." Reita said looking slightly sleepy. He moved to leave for his room as it was four-thirty in the morning and Reita wanted to sleep but didn't want to intrude and Kai seemed fine. He couldn't say anything more to convince Kai and frankly it embarrassed him to be mushy. Kai grabbed a leg on his pants. Kai was staring at the floor, his face turned away.
"Please don't leave me…" Reita gently took the hand; he kissed the hand off handily. He brushed Kai's face and pulled covers over him. "Please."
"I never will until you tell me to go. But I doubt that you're okay with people sleeping in their boxers." Reita half turned to go before Kai grabbed him again.
"I don't care. I usually wear less, don't go." Reita flushed when Kai said that, as he looked him straight in the eye pleading with him not to go. Reita scratched his neck.
"I don't know... it's kind of invasive…" Kai pulled his pants down to his knees. Reita fumbled to pull them back up. "Okay, okay I'll stay. Don't have to pull off my pants." Kai laid back down on the bed as Reita took a pair of his pajama pants to wear as despite Kai being fine with his sleeping wear, he was not. They didn't fit quite as well as his own but they would have to do. He sat on the other side of the bed hesitantly he lay down. Kai smiled slightly and finally seemed to relax. Sitting on the soft bed had awakened a new wave of exhaustion over him and he slowly fell asleep. Minutes later Kai half sat up then looked at Reita smiling slightly, the smile drained away as Kai traced his lips and face, taking off the nose strap and pausing when Reita sniffled. After Kai was sure he was asleep he leaned down and gave Reita a soft kiss before setting his head on his chest and fell asleep, crying slightly in hopelessness. His body conforming to the shape of the one he loved.
