He spotted her standing in the moonlight on the docks, her blonde hair blowing slightly in the breeze. He couldn't see her face but he knew she was crying by the way her shoulders shook.
Milo thought about stepping back into the shadows and not interrupting her but his feet moved forward on their own. He couldn't help it. Or explain it. He was drawn to her.
Lulu turned at the sound of his steps, wiping her eyes with frantic motions. "Oh, hi."
"Good evening, Ms. Spencer." He said this in a ultra formal tone.
She looked back at the water, smiling now. "You are a true original, you know that right?"
Milo didn't know how to take that."Is that a bad thing?"
She glanced at him and said, "It's a great thing."
"I don't want to intrude but can I ask what upset you tonight?"
"Nothing."
Lulu looked away again.
(Beauty
queen of only eighteen.
She had some trouble with herself .
He
was always there to help her. She always belonged to someone else.)
( Maroon 5)
Milo knew that was a lie but let it pass. He sat on the edge of the docks and Lulu joined him.
" I think this is the first time I ever saw you without a suit on," she said.
She had to admit he looked damn fine in his jeans and a black tee shirt. They hung on his muscles in a way that clothes never fit the college freshman that she knew at school.
Milo looked at her, and she smiled.
"Looking good," she added.
"You too."
"Don't lie. I look a wreck."
"Funny but I don't see a wreck," he said
She smiled, with traces of tears still in her eyes, "Then you are the only one."
It took every bit of nerve he ever had to ask her, in just above a whisper, his words carried on the wind "Does that tell you something, Lulu?"
(Look for the girl with the broken smile .
Ask
her if she wants to stay awhile.
And
she will be loved.
She will be loved.) ( Maroon 5)
He saw the recognition flash in her eyes, and in that moment she knew he wanted her, and he knew that she was on to him. Milo held her eyes as long as he could but then she didn't say anything and, finally, he moved his gaze back to the water.
"Do you know why nothing good ever works out in my life?" Lulu asked, her words weren't harsh or angry, only resigned. "Because I'm not a good person."
Milo said, "I don't believe that."
"Believe it. I'm a liar, a thief, a con artist if it suits me, and a killer. And God knows that." Most days she didn't feel like this, but today, on this day when she could have became a mother, it felt impossible to feel any other way.
She went on, harshly, "That is why today, when I should be holding my just born baby, I was all alone with no one who even remembered it was my due date. And why should they? I didn't want to be bothered with my baby and no one wants to be bothered with me... I'm not worth.."
"Stop it."
The words hung in the air. It was the first order he had ever given her and they were both a little shocked by it.
Lulu hung her head, "I didn't mean to burden you with my problems..."
"I'm sorry. I just can't stand to hear you talk about yourself like that."
"You don't know me. If you did you'd know it was all true, Milo."
"No," his word was soft as sigh "It's not."
She looked up and realized his face was only an inch from hers.
(Tap on my window, knock on my door
I
want to make you feel
beautiful
I
know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore ) (
Maroon 5)
Lulu scooted away and stood up. "There's no sense in thinking about what could be if I was a different sort of girl. I'm not. Don't forget that, Milo."
Then she started to walk away. He stood up and called, "Hey... you want a ride home?"
She stopped and thought about it. He could see warring emotions dance across her face but in the end she said, "I've come this far alone. I should probably just keep it that way."
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Lulu didn't think this day would hit her like this. The whole point of the abortion was to not have a baby to take care of, and now, as she sat in her car in Kelly's parking lot after walking away from Milo, all she wanted was a child in her arms to hold. Not because she wanted to be a mother so bad but because it felt like she did something unforgivable by having the abortion.
The reasonable side of her knew that was not true. But on this day, nothing felt reasonable.
She started to sob. One minute she had the keys in her hand, about to turn the ignition, and the next her head was resting on the steering wheel as she sucked in huge gulps of air and tried to get control of herself.
Knock. Knock.
Lulu startled and looked up. Milo stood there making a motion for her to roll down the window.
"My car won't start," he told her. "Can I get a ride?"
It was a lie, a little one. One day Milo vowed to tell her that. Tonight he only wanted to be with her a little longer, to try and find some way to make her feel even a tenth less hurt than she did right now.
Lulu nodded and he walked over to passenger door and got in. She opened the gloves box and yanked out some napkins to dab at her face.
"Want me to drive?" he asked
"I'm fine!"
Milo gave her a look.
"I'm fine," she repeated.
"If you say you are fine, then you're fine."
"I say I'm fine."
Milo shrugged, giving her a I know you're lying lookbut put on his seat belt and didn't say anything more as she started the car.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
After twenty minutes of aimless driving Lulu stopped at a red light. It turned to green and she didn't move.
Milo glanced behind them and saw there were no cars waiting. He gave her a full minute and then said, "It's green, Lulu."
She stomped on the gas. The back of the car fish tailed as they speed down the street.
Milo said, "Whoa, whoa, sweetie, pull over. Please! You're not thinking straight."
Lulu braked to a hard stop in the middle of an intersection. Softly she told him, in a dazed voice, "You called me sweetie."
Milo was saved from answering by the car that started honking at them to get out of the way. He jumped out and walked around to the driver's door and opened it.
Lulu looked at him for a long moment, then nodded and switched seats with him.
When they were both back in the car, she said "Sorry. It's not my day. I bet you wish you didn't run into me tonight. I must have totally destroyed that little crush you had on me."
Milo ignored her question and started driving again. After he had them pointed toward his apartment, he asked her, in a calm but challenging tone, "Would that make you happy?"
"Happy and I are not friends. Not even acquaintances."
He waited until he parked in front of his home before he told her, "It's not going to work, okay?"
Lulu knew what he was referring to, the fact she was doing her best to push him away so she could go back to feeling all alone, and said "If you were smart you would turn and walk the other way the next time you see me."
Milo shook his head and let out a frustrated breath. "You say you're a liar, right?"
"At times."
"Will you tell me the truth right now about one thing?"
Lulu could feel the change in the tension between them, like it was racheting up by the second. She suspected whatever his question was it would change everything about her life from here on out. That made her so nervous that she snapped at him,"What is the point of this?"
She hated herself right now, and him liking her made it worse somehow. It was as if he liked an image that she could never be.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
All Milo wanted was a chance to find out who she was. And it wasn't like it was a choice he made to fall for her. He couldn't help the way his body reacted to the sight of her, the way his heart raced, his mouth went dry, his muscles tensed, the way he remembered every word she ever said to him and replayed it in his mind over and over.
He couldn't help that he loved her smile and that he lost his ability to think when she flashed it at him. His misery tonight actually made it easier to talk to her for him. And yet he would do just about anything to take that sadness away for her.
"Yes or no, Lulu? One honest answer is all I want."
"Okay. Ask away."
Milo focused on the wind shield when he asked the question that would change his life, "Do you really want me to never talk to you again?"
It didn't even take a second for her to think about it.
"No," she said.
