I know, it sounds crazy but watching him is my favorite thing to do. Watching him walk into my house, watching him work, watching him with my children… Sometimes I think that they should have been his. He is the only one that understands me; he understands my motives and continues to forgive me for them. It's when I am with him that I feel the safest and being with him is never lonely. There have been times that he has carried me emotionally and physically and every time I never felt him put me down. Those arms have held a brokenhearted me, a lost me, and any angry. Why shouldn't I be picky with who end up with him, he is after all my soul mate. I imagine myself dying in his arms as flashes of our forever intertwined lives go through my head. How many times have I watched him appear out of the abyss of what ever blood drenched saga has poisoned our lives? And today I watch a boat blow up with him and my child, my sweet child in it. All I can do is wait one extra moment for him to appear out of that abyss, like he always does. It's cold outside but tonight a fire has made the night red and warm. As the fire continues to roar and parts of the boat fly into the sky and come down almost like its snowing. I see a figure, a familiar figure carrying our child, slowly moving through the smoke, almost like a movie. Even as my heart explodes with joy I am not surprised for you see I expected this. As he comes before me holding my child; our child, I am brought back to the first moment I realized he was the love of my life. It takes every ounce of strength I posses to say "Jason…."
