Author's note: Will publish new chapters at least once a week. Hopefully.

Edward Nigma, P.I.

He always felt like people were looking at him. They were, of course, but that didn't make him any less paranoid. He was filling out his probation papers before his meeting, and he was running out of space. Not a good sign, as he was only on aliases. Do I put Nash as my proper name, since it technically is, or do I keep it as Nigma? According to all of his identity documentation, it was Nigma, so I guess it is. It can't be argued against, even if it isn't true.

There was a lady, mid-twenties with a three-year old running around the waiting room, who was staring intently at his sheet. He didn't look up to catch her, because he knew she was ready for that, and would look away the moment he looked up. The only way he could catch her looking is if he pretended not to notice, which he meant he couldn't catch her, but it was the only was that he could. That fact made him slightly more comfortable. Besides, she would make a reaction of some sort after he wrote down his most famous alias. Why, you were right. I am that freak you thought I was.

"How are you doing today, Edward?"

"Not bad. Keeping out of trouble."

"No police contact, then?"

"No. Well, yeah, yes. But not really."

"How do you mean?"

"There was, you know how I started up my own private investigation firm?"

"Yeah, how did you get a license for that, by the…"

"Well, I got a call from one of the officers in Major Crimes. I think they want me to be their Hannibal Lector or something."

"They want you to be the villain again?"

"No, not like that. Like in the early parts of those stories, where he helps the feds catch like-minded criminals. Psychologically and all that."

"You do know how those stories end, don't you?"

"They are just stories."

"Do you think that it's a good idea to be working so closely to those involved in the criminal element of Gotham?"

"What else can I do? I do have a certain insight on the eccentric side of this city's crime problem. Shouldn't I use my intellect to do good instead of bad? Isn't that the point of all of this rehabilitation?"

"You don't have any ulterior motives? You just want to do good?"

"If I do good, what difference would my motives make?"

"You have unhealthy obsessions, Edward. I read your files from the Asylum psychiatrist. Trying to prove your superiority to him isn't going to do yourself any good."

"And what is he trying to prove? Or the cops? Why does anybody do anything? You ask questions, and I'll answer them. Straight answers. Other than that, I don't need to give you anything."

"Fine, meet again same time next week?"

"Yeah."

"And remember to bring a pay stub."

"No need, just watch the nightly news. They'll be interviewing me on how I caught whoever it will be."

Chapter 2

He bit his lip. Be polite to security, no matter what. He knew he was going to be put through the wringer. Wow, how did you pull that off? Wait, let me think about it first. I bet I can figure it out. He doubted very much that that would be their reaction. Overall, it took about forty minutes to get through to the main lobby. He'd protest, but he didn't blame them, though he was confused about the ballistics test on his pack of gum. If I had them looking for a pack of something, they'd probably run right past the gum. A pack of wolves, maybe? Where am I going to get wolves? Would I even need wolves? Should probably get at least a large dog. He wasn't planning on doing any more crimes, honest. He just wanted to keep his mind sharp, that's all.

"What the hell is he doing in here?" asked detective Sharp. The whole Major Crimes unit stood at attention the second he walked in. As if they could feel his presence. Detective Turgidson immediately began to try and hide all the important boards and papers.

"Please, this isn't my first time inside of this office, officer. But it does look quite nicer in the daylight."

"It's OK, gentlemen." He knew that Gordon was going to be here, but he still felt awkward standing five feet from him and not having a plan to defeat him.

"He's here to help us, and right now we will take all of the help that we can. The Thanksgiving Day Parade is only five days away, and we just heard that they're putting it on national TV for the first time in five years."

"Are they crazy? With all the wackos in this town? They'll be chomping at the bit for this kind of exposure."

"Exactly. And it's up to us to stop them. Now Ridd…Edward, you got any ideas on how this type of criminal would try to attack a Thanksgiving Day Parade?"

He could feel heat coming off all the officer's eyes. But he wasn't going to show any apprehension as he walked to a whiteboard.

"Ok, first off, we got to remember who we are not dealing with. Joker's inside, so is Harvey. Scarecrow got caught on Halloween, utterly too predictably, I might add. Ivy's out, and she would love an audience, but, what's the weather supposed to be like Thursday?"

"Low 30's, High 20's."

"Yeah, she doesn't work in the cold. Not a fan. Cross her off. What department store is running this thing?"

"Willman's."

"That takes the Penguin out. He loves their selection. No, I don't think it's going to be anyone we already know. But a new villain, trying to make a name for themselves. They'd have to take the risk."

"So, what do we do?"

"Unless they're complete amateurs who never studied up, they'll go for the grand finale. And that means Santa. Do we know who the Santa is going to be this year?"

"No."

"Find out. Do a background check. Several. Find out everything there is to know about him. Once you do and if he's clean, have police protection following him everywhere he goes. Make absolutely sure you never have an eye off him for one second until he's up on that sled. Don't worry about the marching bands, don't worry about the floats, don't worry about the balloons. The focus must be kept on Santa Claus, understood?"

"One question."

"All ears."

"How do we know it's not going to be you, and this is all part of one of your big, stupid plans?"

"Good point. Keep an eye out for me as well. You can never tell with my types."