Author's Note: This is just a collection of random one-shots. If anyone on this entire Earth gets a good laugh out of any of this, that's more than enough for me. I have read numerous stories about this concept so I thought I would do my own version. Without further ado, enjoy!

The REAL Reason Edward Elric Hates Milk

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away…Edward Elric sat staring at his glass of milk. 'Well, mom drank it and she's still alive, so I guess it can't be that bad…even though it does come out of a cow' Ed thought. So he picked up the glass, and (gathering up all his courage) placed it to his lips. Slowly he tilted the glass up, when right before the milk reached him, he heard a voice: "Hey! What're you doing?-You can't drink me!"

Surprised, Ed opened his eyes to be greeted by the sight of a black-haired figure no more than two inches tall clinging to the inside of the milk glass (the poor thing was almost completely drowned in milk). He sat the milk back on the table, unable to get his mind around a thought that he had narrowly missed digesting this miniature person all because the evils of milk.

"Who…what are you?" asked Ed. The mini-person, standing on the milk glass' rim, wrung out his blue military uniform calmly then said, "My name is Roy Mustang. And I, am a faerie." There was a moment of silence as Edward stared in awe at Mustang, but it was cut short by an outburst of laughter from the larger of the two. "We faeries have wicked powers; if you make us mad, we can do all kinds of evil things to you" said Mustang, trying his best to look somewhat sinister. "Aww, but you're such a *cute* little guy. Tell ya what, why don't you run on home to mommy before someone accidentally eats you." Mustang fumed at this comment, "How dare you call me 'cute'!" he put on his 'fire-making gloves', "Behold! The wrath of a faerie!; I curse you to be short for the rest of your life and no matter where you go, people will make fun of your shortness—FOREVER!" The faerie glared at Ed then snapped his fingers: creating a spark and setting Ed's hair on fire. Satisfied with the shocked look on his victims' face, Mustang nodded, snapped his fingers again, and disappeared in a small cloud of smoke.

Moral of the story: Beware of milk … and Mustang faeries.