Living Past Seclusion PART 2

Rated: T

Summary: After defeating the island can Jack and Kate defeat their pasts, make things work, and live their lives? (Jate/some C&C) Romance/Drama/some Angst

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this besides the idead for this story and it's prequeal and squeal. Everything associated with the show belongs to the brillant minds of the LOST writing team!

Besides that the there will be some langauge and sexuality in later chapters!

Here it is! I hope you guys enjoy!

Lost

Beep

Beep

Sounds around seemed almost unfamiliar compared to the roaring waves and the calls of birds upon the wind.
Her eyes wondered to each machine she was hooked up to. Watching each breath she took and every pulse that ran through her body. They then came down to her hand, which lay in her lap amongst the quilted blue blanket. An IV was stuck in her hand with tape concealing it.

She raised her other hand over the one at which she stared. The tips of her fingers grazed across the tape as she remembered the pain that woke her.

Opening her eyes at the dimness of the light around her. Doctors and nurses around her came into focus as they hovered over her. Had it all been and dream? Or was this now a dream? Had there been an island or what it her imagination? Soon a simple voice answered all her questions.

"You swear she'll be ok?" He questioned calling her eyes to him.

He stood in the doorway arguing with a nurse. His eyes full of worry and his hands gesturing. The nurse assured him and he began to turn away. Before he was out the door he caught her eyes. So weary were they under the artificial light. But they were good enough to catch his smile as she turned and left them to treat her.

Running her fingers over the tape again she became in a daze with it. Not this it was significant to her at all besides being a lifeline. It just caught her attention for some reason.

"Hey kiddo." His voice greeted her.

Up from her daze she looked over to the doorway where he stood. Lent up against the frame his arms folded across his chest. A greeting smile graced his lips as he gazed upon her. She hadn't seen him smile like that since…she couldn't really remember the last time she saw him smile. It was a carefree smile and you can't smile carefree trying to survive on an island.

"Hey.' She replied back with her own smile.

He stood for a second without words keeping her gaze.

"So Kate Ryan…" He said pushing his weight off the wall as he headed over to her/

"So Jack Sheppard." She said back as he came to her bedside.

"Nine months and neither of us knew " Jack sighed with a gentle laugh.

She lowered her head and immediately Jack knew something was wrong.

"What?" he asked questioning his brow.

"My last name isn't Ryan."

"It's Austin." She announced raising her head to look Jack in the face.

She quickly saw the glitter in Jack's eyes fade.

"Ryan was the name I used while I was on the run." She explained as memories brought tears to her eyes.

She couldn't look at him any longer. She turned back to the IV in her hand.

He lowered his eyes to the bed wanting more then ever to ask what she did. He knew she killed someone. The man she loved, and he didn't know why. He told he didn't want to know, but deep down he did. He wanted to know what troubled her. He wanted to know why she hurt so much.

The sounds of the machines and gizmos were all that filled the tight air between the two. Both wanted to say something, but couldn't bring themselves to do it.

Kate sniffed back her tears as she looked back up to Jack.

"Look.. I'm so sorry I lie-"

"Don't be sorry Kate. I'm not mad at you." Jack interrupted looking her once again in the eyes with that glitter.

"I don't wanna know why you did things then, in your past. I just want to concentrate on now." He said with a smile.

That smile made her feel better. It always did. No matter what had happened before. Soon it faded as the silence between them became awkward. And that's what she hated. Those silences between them that always came after she told him something about her past.

She just wished that she knew what he was thinking about staring at her indirectly. He had to be the one of the only two men she couldn't just look at and tell what he was thinking right off the bat. Him and Tom. She could never tell what Tom was thinking and that is what intrigued her. That's what made her fall in love with him.

Was she in love with Jack?

Looking back his way she made a casual glance to see if she could answer that question with a look in his eyes. She couldn't even see a look in his eye let alone tell if she loved him. There were too many things that complicated that question. Her past. His past. But she would let all of that go in an instant if she knew he felt the same way.

"Is anyone looking for me?" She causally asked to get her mind off the subject of love.

Jack looked to her out of his daze and she saw that glimmer in his eye disappear. It just faded into that cinnamon color his eyes took when he didn't want to answer the question he had been asked. But it wasn't that he didn't want to answer it. It was that the subject behind it was too tough for either of them to take on.

"Not that I know of." He answered with slight exhale.

She smiled with a gentle laugh wondering what was taken them so long. Looking up to Jack she could tell the question bothered him. It irked him to talk about her past and get no real information out of it.

"They're looking for Sawyer though…" He announced in a tone barely above a whisper.

Kate lowered her gaze to the bed again. She had forgotten all about Sawyer. Let him slip her memory. She had forgotten a lot when she had blacked out after being shot. Just bits and pieces of certain things that had happened. Nothing to where she'd have to readjust, but some things that were obvious. Still she had never forgotten him after that. But the overwhelming situation of being rescued did him in.

"So how is the doctor doing?" Kate asked with a slanted smile trying for once to push that dimpled smile from her memory.

Jack had to chuckle at her choice of nickname. He didn't remember her ever calling him a doctor. She had called him many things and most of them were true titles, but never the title he was appointed.

"Well they said I'm probably the healthiest out of all of us…" He began.

"Go figure." He finished with a laugh as he tried to balance against the bed.

"So how are the others?" She questioned shifting her weight on the bed so Jack could lean in further.

"Well I've only spoken to Sayid and Sun. Sayid is fine besides some anemia and lack of nutrients…" He began looking away from her eyes again.

"And Sun?" Kate questioned wondering why he had suddenly pulled away.

He looked back and took a deep breath. Preparing himself for what he was about to say.

"Sun's pregnant."

Kate was quiet. She was letting what he said sink in. Sun pregnant. It was never a thought to any of them. It even seemed to surprise Jack. She didn't even look pregnant.

"How far along?" She asked.

"Few weeks. Not that far. Not like Claire." Jack said as his stare jolted around again from Kate to other things in the room.

"Did you know…back on the island?" She asked.

His gaze settled on her again, but only for a few seconds. But she watched him as he went to answer. Watching the way he was towards her. Seeing how he couldn't keep his eyes on her for more then two seconds.

"No." He answered drawing out it bottom lip.

It fell silent between them again. Kate was waiting for him to say something because she really didn't have anything to talk about. She was being kept away from everyone and everything she had gotten used to over the past nine months and going without them for two hours at the most put her in a fog.

She sat silently playing with her fingers like she had with the IV. It was an unconscious time waster. Looking up she saw that he too had become entranced with her hands. She wondered if he also had that odd fascination with the IV.

Little did she know he stood there staring at it wondering how he had let her get like this. Hooked up to nine million different machines. All making sure to keep her alive.

Why didn't he protect her better?

Why didn't he kill that man and make sure he wouldn't come back?

Why couldn't he just look her in the eyes and tell her how he felt?

Tell her that she was the only reason he left. The only reason he stayed alive.

Why couldn't he lean over and kiss her gently?

Why couldn't he tell her she didn't have to worry that he would protect her?

Because he couldn't he couldn't protect her. He couldn't just lean in and kiss her. Not without fear of disappointment and judgment. Same way with telling her anything. And he did kill that man and he told another to make sure he was dead and yet he let him live. Leaving him able to come back.

Jack shook his head at the swirling nonsense. Even with him alive he couldn't get off the island. It was a miracle that they got off.

Finally passing it off he glanced to Kate questioning the reality of that thought. Was it a miracle that they got off the island? Was it really all it was cracked up to be?

For the others maybe. But looking at her sitting there with her own thoughts running through her mind he wondered how he was going to adjust. On the island there was certainty that he would see her every day. Laying next him. Him protecting her from everything and everyone. Here there was no certainty. No real assurance that she would lay next to him again. Both knew that. Knew that they would go their separate ways and possibly never see one another again.

It was quiet sad that they were more vulnerable back in the real world rather then a crazy island full of monsters, strangers, and dead people. In the real world there was space to divide them.

"Jack…" He heard her call.

He looked to her from his thought-haunted daze. Her face was full of worry. Her eyes wide with a small level of fear that only he saw in her. She was concerned.

"Are you ok?" She asked.

"Fine" He answered acting like he had never sat there and tortured himself over her.

"You sure? You were scaring me there for a second with your staring contest with my hands." She said looking him over to be sure.

"Yeah I'm fine." He assured her with a gentle laugh disguising his insecurities.

It was silent yet again, but this time they had each other eyes and smiles. With a sigh Jack looked away not able to sit there and stare at her any longer. Not without being able to reach out and touch her. To brush his fingers across her cheek.

She could tell he felt awkward. Just the way he moved and how he had a hard time looking at her. She knew something about her pulled him inside trying to keep him from letting himself go. That's how she was. And it was her past that pulled her in. Her scared soul. Looking to Jack she still couldn't tell what it was that pulled him.

"Well I have to go and cheek up on the others." He announced finally getting the strength to pull completely away. Or at least enough to walk out.

She didn't know what to say. She didn't want him to leave, but she knew it was for the best. The anguish between them was too great.

Not knowing how to leave he just moved on action without thought. Whatever happened happened. Slowly he leaned in and wrapped his arms around her. Pressing her tightly to his chest. She sat there in his arms not knowing what to do. So she did as he did and let it go.

Wrapping her arms around his neck she held him close. Not wanting to let go. And if she could've stayed there forever she would've.

He stayed there for a moment without words. Just taking her in. Smelling her hair. Remembering how her body fit in his arms. He was so scared that he'd never hold her again. Never see her again once he pulled away.

"It's going to be ok." He whispered assuring himself more then her as tears stung her eyes.

And with his words he pulled back and let go. He stood in front of her looking away only to sniff back his tears. As he turned back he flashed her a little smile that hopefully hid his pain.

"See you later." He said barely above a whisper with that smile still intact.

Slowly without waiting for her to say anything he turned and began to leave.

"You too Jack." She exclaimed stopping him in his tracks.

He couldn't look back. Her words tore him down in an instant.

"Yeah." He replied only turning his face so that she could see him, but he couldn't see her.

With that he departed. Walked out of the door and never turned back.

Kate sat there staring at that door. Waiting for him to walk back in and say something. Anything to prolong their goodbyes.

Closing her eyes she settled back against the pillows behind her. Settling into this new life. This life she really didn't want to be apart of.

Opening them they wondered around the room again looking to each machine watching what it did. Then she saw the porthole in the wall. The sky outside was bright and the sun was enough to light the room. And again they wondered back to her IV.

Raising her hand again she grazed her hand over the tape. Remembering the feel with her fingertips. This wasn't her lifeline. Her lifeline wouldn't have hurt her the way this had. A lifeline was supposed to heal her and keep her alive. And that's what he did. At all costs to himself. And without her lifeline she was lost.

Hope you liked it i'll have some more up this week along with Essence...