On a side note, I'd like to add that everything you see in a real soap opera will be here: bad characters and bad plots (it's up to you, the reader, to supply the bad acting.) The humour of this is more in it's stupidity than its content. Oh, I've slaughtered the character's personalities for this. You've been warned.
Disclaimer: I don't own SSBM, one of the greatest games in the history of the world, or the concept of soap operas. I don't want to own the latter and I could never make the first one as great as it is.
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THE SUPER SMASH BROTHERS MELEE SOAP OPERA
Season One
Episode One- Part One
IT WAS A beautiful morning in Mute City. At least, as beautiful as it ever got in a place where high-speed races blew past every few minutes. In truth, Samus Aran hated living there. But it was Falcon's home, and he was her boyfriend. Years of going steady had paid off in only one way, she was the most respected woman of the entire city.
Captain Falcon was the leader of the local gang, the Blue Falcons (named after, of all things, his racing ship). He was feared by nearly everyone in town, and everyone knew better than to get on his bad side, or that of his girl's. The other team members, Link, Mario and Roy, commanded a lot of respect around as well.
Samus often thought her decision to stay in Mute City was stupid. She had gotten the chance to move away several times now, and not once did she take it. Her longing to return to Brinstar was always buried under her fear of what would happen if Falcon thought she was leaving him. Captain Falcon scared her as much as any of his enemies. And he didn't beat her up for doing something against him, he acted as he did because she couldn't do things as well as he wanted her to.
School was one of the only places she could escape him. Onett, several neighbourhoods over in the area known as Eagleland, was the closest place with a public school building and every young person living in Mute City attended it. While attending her classes everyday, Samus was able to get away from Falcon and spend her time with her only real friend, the kind and passionate Zelda.
Zelda had been going with Link for as long as anyone could remember, and they had a good relationship. Without words, both could understand each other and there had never been a verbal argument. Samus was jealous of them because they had it so much better than her and Falcon. Every night, they were fighting about something and under her armour Samus had more than one bruise from him.
But this was her life. Samus would gladly trade it with anyone else in the universe, but knew it wasn't possible. All she could do was sit back and try to get along. Perhaps she could try to talk with him, if the time ever arose.
It never would, of course. Even though she loved him deeply, she was mortally afraid of him.
"YOU REALLY HAVE got to talk to him." The two girls walked down the hall together, Zelda once more concerned about things between Samus and Falcon.
"But I can't. He won't let me talk long enough to bring up anything important. He says it's not my place to say anything, because I'm a woman."
Zelda frowned at her. "I know. You tell me that everyday. That's why you need to talk to him. Tell him what you tell me and everything should be fine. And don't tell me that he won't listen! Make him. You guys really need it."
"I guess you're right. Things have gotten way worse recently."
"Oh, look, it's Samus. One of these days, someone's going to have to tell her that armour is not the thing to wear." There was one person who was able to poke fun at Samus without getting into trouble: Peach. She and her best friend, Daisy, would parade the halls everyday dropping rude hints about everyone's fashion. "And I don't know what Zelda was thinking this morning when she put on pink."
"That's funny." Zelda wasn't hurt by the comments, unlike everyone else, and she was the only one courageous enough to talk back to them. "Yesterday, when you wore pink, it was the most wonderful thing to wear. Do I have to wear purple because you are too?"
Daisy laughed behind Peach. She was only the stupid henchwoman, the one who had no brain and was born to do Peach's bidding and laugh at her jokes. "That's not funny." Peach snapped. "You're not supposed to laugh at her jokes! Only mine."
It was Samus's turn to duck out laughing. She loved it when Zelda harassed Peach like this. It really ruined Peach's day when someone didn't feel bad because of her criticism. "Run along to home to Mario," Samus continued for her friend. "He's the only one who actually cares what you have to say."
Peach turned and stormed away, an apologetic Daisy on her tail. "That was a good one." Zelda said as soon as they left. "You're getting good at that."
"Thanks. Now we need to work on how I'm going to approach Falcon. I think I'm going to do it tonight."
CAPTAIN FALCON'S HOUSE was dark that night. But Samus didn't doubt he was home. After eight at night, he never left. There was something about beating up lesser people at night that bothered him.
Samus didn't bother knocking. She never had to. Like all the members of the Blue Falcons and their girls, she had free run of his house.
"Falcon?" She pushed open the door and walked into the front room. "I know you're here, where are you hiding?"
She reached out to switch on the small lamp, the only one in the room. Falcon was sitting on the couch, but he wasn't the only one there. Someone was on the couch with him, and that someone was a girl.
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Uh-oh, it looks like Falcon might be in trouble! And who could this woman be? Stay tuned for the rest of this episode. (Daisy made an appearance because I needed someone to be Peach's friend, and she can dress up as Daisy for a battle).
