AN: don't own em, TPTB do, and I'd appreciate not being sued. thanks.


Everything they tell you in school is a lie. Columbus didn't disover America, he just got lost, and he wasn't some great hero. The pilgrims and the Indians didn't just have a huge feast, they killed each other. We stole all of our land from the Indians. America was just as bad in every war as any other country, let's not forget the internment camps and all the rest. And life doesn't end happily ever after. For anyone. We all die alone, cold, and miserable.

She thinks she can get out of Chicago and it'll just be fine. All better, cured, poof, just like that. She'll probably quit taking her meds and end up alone, dying somewhere...with no one to help her. Luka tells me not to worry, that she's doing much better. He asked me why I don't trust her. I told him I didn't want to talk about it. The truth is I can't let myself. If I let myself trust her, it'll just be too painful when she fails once again. It always is. And this time is going to be different.

I can't open up to Luka. I can't talk to him. He doesn't understand me at all. We've been together for a while, and he still doesn't understand. Carter was always the one I went to for help. Now I can't. And I'm all alone, once again, like the time Maggie forgot me at school. But I'm not a kid anymore. Kids can forgive their parents for just about anything. It's when they get older, remembering those things, that they hold a grudge.

She called yesterday, says she's doing fine. I hate to believe her because I know that soon enough, she won't be doing fine. But she did sound OK. She wants to come visit for my birthday. Yeah, sure, happy birthday to me, my crazy mom's coming home. I told her I was working, which I probably will. She said something about how I work too much and don't see Luka enough. Truth is, I keep thinking the less time I spend with him, the more I can blame our problems on that. So far it's not working too well. She'll come anyway, show up at the hospital. She'll want to see Carter, Luka, Kim Legaspi, everyone. And I get to look after her once again. No different than the rest of my life.

There's no one in Minnesota so completely devoted to helping her. I gave up my life a million times over to watch out for her. No one else would be stupid enough to do that. So here we both are. Me, I'm all alone here in Chicago, and she's all alone in Minneapolis. I get this feeling sometimes that it's just us. That wherever we go, whomever we're with...we will always be alone.