Chapter 1

In The Beginning

It is frequently said that sometimes the lonliest you feel is whilst surrounded by people, Those who do not understand you or choose to stay away from you. Or sometimes the lonlieness from which you suffer is all down to yourself,

Because you do not need or want the company of other people.

Society is simply the rest of the world banding together and you dont belong to it, you are not part of it by your own free will of course. Sarah sighs as she looks accross at a picture of her younger self thinking back to her childhood before all of the terrible events that led her to this point in her life,

A young Sarah Weatherby stares over at the sofa opposite her as she observed Xavior bounce down next to his wife and daughter who promptly wrapped an arm around his shoulders. The three of them easily fitting on the two seater sofa, sprawled over one another.

Sarah couldnt help the missery and bitterness which engulfed her at the site of three people so close to each other as they were, she could have been a stranger part of that, she could have drapped her arms around Xavior and Laura leaning her head on her shoudler.

Would she, a slight smile touched her lips slightly and she hid behind the book her godfather baught her as a welcome to there home gift,

Her parents had been killed and Sarah had come home to find them.

Her eyes stared at the world although she did not read or take in the information presented in the writting in front of her, she would of rather of been with Xavior, growing closer to him as Daisy was doing and making up for the time she she had lost with her family, Xavior is her family now.

After all, they all had time now, they have the rest of there lives to relax and do what they want, Except that Sarah could not do that, she was afraid although she didnt know what of, Her phobia of being physically touched or close to people formed soon after find her parents bodys, she persumed that there was more to there deaths than people told her.

Sarah didnt feel she was worthy of being with anyone else, especially now Sarah was greatly attached to everyone who lived or stayed in Xavior Manor. But non more so than Xavior who was going to be her Defence teacher at the Witches and Wizards school of magic and who also is her godfather.

What she had done to deserve this family she felt she would never know although she new it must of been something special for someone to take her in like this.

Xavior along with Laura, Charles Hector and Kerr had been the first to have to cope with her unusual fear of being close to or touched by anyone else.

The fact that Kerr seemed to have a crush on her before two days ago and trying to understand why she wouldnt let him touch her.

Made her feel bad especially as she wanted to hangout like normal wishing everything would go back to Giles and Honey being alive. Stil, it hadnt seemed her place to do so had it?

Even after they had accepted her. Sarah had made a silent vow not to replace her parents, it didnt matter that she new she would have to move on, That seemed to come so much easier to everyone else.

The others had questioned her odd behaviour only once in her presence and after that the subject had been droped with her though Sarah strongly suspected that they talked about it greatly.

It seemed odd to think that something which had orriginally begun as self deprevasion of physical closeness had slowly become something almost akin to a phobia and Sarah just wasnt comfortable being particularly close to anyone,

Xavior had understood that from the minuet I met him in the Head teachers office and still did now. No one else did though especially Kerr,

Kerr thought her very strange indeed and mostly selfish from the manor with which she held herself so aloof and evaded his touches.

Xavior remained the enigma, Sarah wasnt certain what Xavior must feel about her although since they had not they frequently had long uninterupted conversations together over rediculous amounts of tea or a vast veriaty of topics that Sarah will be studying,

Sarah loved Xaviors company an she was almost sure that Xavior always come to source her out in the large Manor who he would spend time with. That always lifts up Sarahs spirits.

What lowered them was Xaviors exspression of confussion at the winces from Sarah when Xavior so much as touched her on the shoulder. Sarah stares across the room again, her eyes traveling over the top of her unread book to Xavior, Daisy and Laura.

Daisy and Laura were beginning to argue over something, most likely being why she couldnt join my freinds and I at school,

Xavior was listening and looking amused. His eyes filcker towards Sarah on the oppsite sofa in a way which suggested he had done so before and is just checking to see weather anything changed,

Although only just.

Xavior notices Sarahs eyes upon them instead of staring at the book she held in her hands, she hadnt turned a page in a very long time and Xavior wondered why she bothered to use it as an unnessery sheild to ineffectivly hide the face she was lost in thought,

He lets it slide, Sarah seemed to be lost in thought alot these days and if she wants to talk about what is on her mind then surley she would do so without having to be prompted.

"DINNERS READY" Jennys voice echoed through the house, magically amplified in order that all occupants of the house from the garden to the attic would be able to hear her. It worked wel a moment later Xavior, Sarah, Daisy, Laura, Kerr, Hector, Charles, Lilly, Blossom, Chris and Tom were all seated in the dinning room and Jenny ran around them all,

Ensuring that everyone got as much as they needed.

Although in some cases she made sure that they got alot more than they needed.

"a full house tonight,"

Jenney says when she eventually returned to her own seat and stared at her large family, mostly adopted.

She couldnt help but feel a pang at the two seats which remained empty and at the thought of Giles and Honey, Sarahs parents who had been murdered a few days ago. The rest of the meal was conducted in silence from Jenny as she contemplated the lives of her best freinds whilst lively conversations continued al around her,

Jenny walked around and heaped more food onto the plates of Xaviors, Daisys and Carters, all of whom tried to prevent her from doing so and failed miserably, Her unbeatable excuses for force feeding them being that Daisy was still very thin after her heart opperation at the school hospital, Sarah gave her a supportive smile. Carter was in a similar state from an accident while potion making.

Xavior had helped Carter back onto his feet and back to work, That never stopped her hovering and she usually piled yet more food onto Xaviors plate after that paticular reminde.

"if I am going to be fed to death then your coming down with me, Xavior" Carters mutters to him before repeating the arguement which had been used frequently and sure enough Xavior soon had more food than he had a moment before.

After dinner Sarah returned to the lounge is which she had been sat before resumed reading the book she had hidden behind earlier on.

It was not long before her peace was broken and Xavior walked into the room, a book of his own in his hand.

Immediatly Sarah noticed her mistake but it was to late to do anything which Xavior wouldnt notice and therefore, too late to do something which would not hurt his feelings excessivley Sarah is sitting in the middle of the sofa and knowing Xavior, he would choose to come and sit next to her instead of choosing to lie on one of the other sofas in the room.

That would make it so that they were both very close together therefore that would be very awkward for Sarah with the strange illness that she had given herself.

Xavior sat down next to her and it was as awful as Sarah had predicted. She felt cruel for doing it but at the same time she couldnt exactly stay sitting with Xavior so close to her without wanting to shuffle away...

She shrank back into the corner of the large sofa which she had situated herself on and made the mistake of looking up into Xaviors eyes.

Xavior frowned slightly as Sarah moved away from him, unable to hide the hurt he felt at such a rejection,

And a rejection it most certainly was.

The girl wouldnt even bare to sit next to him, It was very puzzling, especially since Xavior was beginning to feel that they were getting close with their long conversations and the fact that Xavior felt he could tell Sarah anything.

But perhaps he had been mistaken.

Sarah hated this, she hated that she had braught this on herself and she was strongly the fact that she couldnt so much as touch another human being without the feeling the sudden need to escape.

She stared up at Xavior and now the flicker of pain before it was hidden behind an exspressonless mask. She would never see anything though that,

Sarah new she had tried many a time to discuss the smallest amount of information from Xaviors face when he had looked in such a way but it had always been for nothing, Xavior had curled his legs up at the other end of the sofa now,

As far away from Sarah as he could possibly be without moving and that would of been rude, he new that. He also new that by doing so he would have acted in much of the same manner as Sarah but out of spite.

Xavior was aware that Sarah probably didnt act the way she did for no reason and so by mimicking her so childishly it would ruin any chance he ever had of knowing just why the girl did what she did...

Sarah new that Xavior would never actually come out and say anything about the way she avoided touching him and being close to him at all cost.

Even then that was usually concluded with the kitchen table between them or the space between them as the space between the sofa.

They were never actually close although after when they spoke together they felt it, The anger that engulfed Sarah as she stared at Xavior for a moment was overwhelming, There was a space of little more than a foot between them but to Xavior and Sarah they felt it may as well have been a great chasm for the closeness they felt to the other. The awkwardness between them coupled with the unhappiness he felt for Sarahs rejection all added up to ubearable atmosphere, He was out of there within five minuets when he felt he could take it no longer.

"you know, when wondering about looking like christmas was cancelled, people often pay attention to were they are going" Laura talled Xavior when he walked into the back of her,

He found himself staring at his wife who had clearly been plotting something to catch Hector and Charles messing around but she didnt have the nack for it"what is it dear" "oh well firstly, the fact that Tom is still lounging around the house when is he starting his security job and secondly Sarah"

Laura sighs, she new that she was going to have to have the conversation with Xavior at some point and it was probably way overdue as it is.

She just didnt like the fact that she was going to have to tell Xavior that Sarah might find it hard to be close to anyone just now.

Xavior found himself being led into there bedroom and Laura sat him down next to her on the bed with interest as to what she was going to say concerning Sarah "look, Xavior Sarahs not ready to have physical contact with anyone yet, just give her time"

The conversation had been short and to the point and when Xavior was left at the end of it so that Laura could jump Charles and Hector when they left there room. He lay down on there bed and wondered weather Sarah really pushed everyone away because she had felt the one who caused her parents death,

Laura had made it clear not to discuss it until it felt like the right time.

But Xavior had many questions and Laura couldnt answer most of them,

Maybe Sarah wouldnt be able to either, Xavior mused as he finally got up off the bed and wondered back downstairs in search for his book which he realised he had left in the lounge with Sarah.

Sarah stares at Xavior as he re-enteres the room, persumably to get his book back after dissapearing to who knows were for quite some time.

The lonlieness she had been feeling for a while now was threatining to take over and become a big issue for her, As she watched Xavior pick up his book. For a moment Sarah feared that he would sit down next to her again and she would be pushed into the previously unpleasent situation but the reality felt far worse she watched glumly as Xavior curled up on another sofa, as far away from her as possible to be.

The warm smile which Xavior bestowed upon her only seemed to make things more painful and Sarah new that without a doudt that Laura had been talking to Xavior about her, The lonlieness washed over her and the chasm reopened wider than ever.

Sarah sighed inwardly, knowingly she had brought this upon herself and resolved then and there that things were going to change Xavior didnt know it yet but he about to become the first person Sarah Weatherby had voluntairly become close to since her parents had died,

She watched closely hoping that Xavior wouldnt be able to sence her eyes upon him, As she wondered how best to get close to her godfather. Sarah questioned weather Laura telling Xavior would make things easier or harder for her in the long run but dismissed it, This was Xavior she was talking about.

Xavior had spent alot of time trying to get closer to her, Sarah had constantly pushed him away until neither of them could take it anymore.

Surley he would accept Sarah if she was desperate to become close to someone and he Xavior was her chosen object.

After all, everyone else was close to Xavior and she felt distantly cut off from him simply because she couldnt do as they did.

Xaviors eyes met hers for a moment and Sarah felt a slight flutter in her stomach, could she really do this Xavior smiled warmly at her and Sarah new she couldnt keep hurting him.

She rose to her feet and walked over to Xavior. "I thought you didnt do the whole close to people thing"? Xavior asked her when Sarah sat down next to him and winced at his own words, Laura had just talled him to take it slow. "ignore me, I'm an idiot," "no your not" Sarah talled him, smileing slightly at Xaviors current unease after most likely being talled that sarah wasnt reaedy to get close to her godfather yet.

The thought was an unhappy one, one which she was soon to remedy. Hopefully "and I dont usually do the whole close to people thing, as you so quickly point out, I just" she trailed off and Xavior was left watching her in interest.

This was certainly a new development. "you just what"? Xavior prompted when Sarah didnt pick up the sentence again.

He wanted to reach out to the young girl and press his hand comfertingly over her hand,

But under the cercumstances Xavior didnt think that would go down very well, "I'm just tired of being alone and I see you with Laura and I think that I want to be like that with you but I cant,"

"yes you can, Its just a matter of how much you want it," Xavior tells her confidentaly Xavior is normaly good with advice. He seemed to be the one everyone went to, becaue he was always truthful and honest.

"Alot" muttered Sarah and Xavior smiled slightly, the action caught in the corner of Sarahs eye before she turned back from the flames to Xavior.

"can I be like that with you"?

"I dont know, can you"? Xavior asks her and Sarah wonders just that herself.

could she love her godfather like her dad without feeling uneasy or could Xavior honestly hep her?

"I hope so" Sarah sighs and leant back into the sofa, suddenly feeling desperate for a hug and to be wrapped in someone elses arms, He was wondering if he was being too hasty by doing such a thing with Sarah so soon but they had to start somewhere.

He let go of her hand after a moment and got up to leave. There was still Hector and Charles walking around the house feeling thourghly pleased with themselves after and revising Laura's prank upon him, such behaviour could not go without retribution.

"I'm going to attack Charles and Hector for a while, I take it your not interested in joining me"? Sarah shuck her head and Xavior tried to look shocked and dissapointed but failed on both count, "okay, I'll talk to you later then."

Another breif smile and a slight touch to Sarah's shoulder and he was gone, leaaving Sarah feeling quite warm on the sofa on her own, she felt happy, she realised for the first time in quite a while, she could be close to her godfather... She could be close to her freinds. And could be just like everyone else and curle up next to another person without wanting to go find a secluded area ofthe house all for herself.

For once, things might go quite well for her.