Hey so I just had top surgery and wanted to write something about it while I lay in bed watching tv. Hey maybe I'll watch Devil Wears Prada! :)

Hope you enjoy!

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"Miranda, I'm going to need to leave the office early tomorrow." I was taken back. Nigel had come into my office and told me this with a kind of stiff upper lip.

"Of course Nigel. Are you alright?" Normally I wouldn't allow myself to ask but he seemed worried about something.

"Yes well, Andy is having surgery." I gulped, what was my Andrea doing getting surgery.

"Is she alright?" My knuckles were turning white from being clenched so hard.

"Well, about that…."

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"Andy are you sure you want to go through with this surgery?" My mom asked on the other line. She'd been asking me for the past 9 months.

I had the phone pressed against my ear. It was the morning of my surgery and I was going to do it. A double mastectomy, which to those who speak english is the taking off of my chest. I'm going to have a flat cisgendered male looking chest.

They're going to reconstruct the nipples and re attach them. It's kinda been my dream since I was a kid to have this flat chest and now it's here.

"Mom I'm positive. It's gonna be ok, Nigel and Emily are going to be there. They'll call you to tell you when I come out. It's a two hour operation, it's out patient so I'll be home today."

She took a heavy sigh.

"Andrea- I mean Andy...I know you are positive you want to be a boy but do you think you may regret this?" This was the question everyone asked. They wondered if I'd regret it, wondered if because now that I wouldn't be able to feed my hypothetical future children I'd be a less happy human being.

"Mom, this is all I've ever wanted." I said she seemed uneasy but let it go.

There was a knock on my door.

"I gotta go mom. I love you, bye." I didn't even let her finish I hung up and ran to the door.

Swinging it open Emily was there with a blanket and her purse.

"My goodness Andy, careful. You don't need to go to the hospital before we get to the hospital." It had been 10 months since Runway. Emily and Nigel and been by my side the night I cut my hair off in the kitchen sink. They were there when I got my first injection of testosterone. They had helped me find an apartment in Brooklyn. They helped put the pieces of my life back together.

"Sorry Em" My voice was deep and husky and my heart was beating so fast.

"Alright well let's do this." Em smiled and I just about lept out of my own skin.

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"Andy, 32 female to male. You are here for top surgery. Correct?" The doctor asked as I sat up in my gown. My boxers were bunching and I wasn't exactly comfortable.

"I'm just going to draw a little bit on your chest, just so everything is really even." He made his marks and I tried not to look him in the eye. It wasn't just because I was conscious of my body. It was more because this piece of my body didn't feel like mine. Just felt like some piece of loose skin that was supposed to be for a person that was never me.

A few minutes later I was laying in a very cold room with a lot of doctors and we were talking about grey's anatomy episodes. The next thing I knew I was awake and Miranda was sitting next to me.

"Mir-" My throat was dry and I felt the blood pressure machine squeezing my arm.

"Andy, darling I'm here don't move too much." She grabbed my hand and squeezed.

"Andy, hi the surgery went really well but your blood pressure is a little high." However I was ignoring this fact and instead focused on the white haired woman seeing me half naked with my chest bound in huge bandages.

"Miranda, what are you" I tried to swallow but my throat was dry.

"We have some apple juice and applesauce. This should be when you take your pain medicine." One of the nurses opened up an applesauce and fed me some with a pill in it. However she missed probably because Miranda Priesly isn't usually in the room.

"My god don't you know how to do your job." Miranda said almost raising her voice.

"I'm sorry!" She said and started to wipe the mushed apple up my chin,

I mumbled an incoherent it's alright while Emily and Nigel texted friends and family saying I was ok.

"He'll need someone to take him home and care for him-"

"I'll do it" Miranda said jumping out of her seat not releasing my hand.

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Thanks for the read

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