Losing my Muse

Ch. 1

Author's Note: This story is on DLS site but I wanted all my fan fics together so I'm reposting it on here.

I don't own Instant Star sadly if I did the end wouldn't have been like that. This was my very first story so I am currently editing it as I go.

Warning: There is bad language in this chapter.

(Jude's point of view)

I'm sitting here on my comfy leather computer chair. New York City is now where I am not home but where I live. It's a nice enough city, reminds me more of home then London did. Of coarse I am closer to home also. Americans are friendly but nosy. I get questions about my personal life from people who don't know me. I guess once your famous you always are.

You've got mail I hear as I turn on my computer. It's probably from Sadie usual is. Oh no not Sadie I think as I read the e-mail address. The subject line, what the hell are you thinking? I laugh to myself I knew this was coming. Tommy found out my fifth album was going to be a Greatest Hits CD. I opened the e-mail oh no. I started to panic it said call me right away.

I begin having a panic attack biting my lip and feeling like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. I have to calm down. Oh god, call the man I left back in Canada eight months ago. When I left for London I thought I needed to find myself before I could be Tommy's wife hell anyone's wife for the matter. I wanted to prove I could be independent. Sadly all I did was lose my music, family, friends and most of all Tom Quincy. Tom Quincy he wasn't just my producer, friend, or ex. Tommy was my muse, my soul mate, he was my life.

Six months of beyond crappy music and my label dropped me. I was costing a lot more money then I was bringing in. I knew when my label dropped me I may have trouble finding another label. I finally found a label in New York that had been interested at the same time London was. They were willing to sign me for one album but it had to be a greatest hits album since I wasn't writing anything worth recording and I wouldn't perform anything wrote by anyone else.

Why not go home you ask. I could've gone home. Jamie would sign me with NBR no problem. I could have been with the man I still desperately love. Canada I miss it so much and I miss everyone there. So why I haven't I gone home? Okay, don't laugh but I do have an easy answer its pride and embarrassment. I made a big deal about doing everything on my own I didn't need anyone. But soon everyone will know I can't do it on my own not even close.

My phone rings Sadie. "Hey Sadie I'm okay I lie. Yeah Sades it's just a good career move lying again. No they are just signing me for one album. I don't know what's next I might come home I don't know yet. Yeah Tommy e-mailed me sure I'm gonna call him we are still friends after all. Okay Sades give Kwest a hug for me. I miss you guys too. Well I gotta go love you bye." I said.

I hurried and hung up the phone. I began crying nothing new there I always cried after I talked to her. This time was worse I cried so hard I could barely breath. I miss sister so much. I was beyond happy when she ended her relationship with D and G-Major. Sadie and Kwest got back together shortly after she started working at NBR. Jamie forgave Kwest over the Blu stuff and hired him on to Produce. I'm sure Jamie is a great boss.

Jamie, I miss him too. He and Zep came down last month. I confessed everything to Jamie. He told me I would find my music when I was ready. Jamie didn't say much about Quincy all I know is he is working at NBR now too not sure how that happened. No one really says anything about Tommy. They all know we e-mail occasionally. I haven't heard his voice in eight months and now he wants me to call. I started chewing my nails just thinking about calling him.

My phone rings again damn I'm popular today I laugh to myself. I'll call Tommy later I think as I see its Speid calling. "Hey Sped."I said."Hey dude I mean Jude." He says. I miss him too even him calling me dude even though he knows it drives me crazy. "How's everything you, Karma, your album?" I asked him in one breath. He laughs. "Everything's good we are enjoying being back in the mansion I'm actually glad we won it in the counter suit we are both almost done with our albums and Jamie is planning to send us on tour together." "Awesome!"I said. He pauses for a minute. I laugh and say. "Goahead sped and ask.""Ask whatdude?" He questioned back to me. "Just askalready Spedokay?""Okay, okay" hesaid. "Well why are you doing a greatest hits album and why are you in New York?" He asked quickly. I smile and decide to tell him the truth I need to practice to tell Quincy anyways.

"WellI haven't written anything decent since I left Canada and my label dropped me."I admitted.I heard him sigh sadly. I continued talking knowing if I didn't I wouldn't. "It's okay because I found this great label in New York and they said a greatest hits album could really help my career until I start writing again." I said. Speid was quite then he asked. "Oh dude why didn't you just come home?" I thought and Now for the hard part. "I am just so embarrassed."I confessed.

Speid was silent for a while then he started laughing hard. "What the hell is so damn funny?" I asked. He was about to answer when I heard a familiar voice say. "Speid tell Karma you'll call her later it's time to record." Oh shit! No not Tommy, Speid won't tell him he's talking to me. Just then Speid said. "It's not Karma its Jude."