Being one of Dr

Baby Back Ribs

By Squeaky

* * * *

Being one of Dr. Evil's evil associates was not an easy job. In order to get a relief from all the stress, Frau Farbissina and others went to a place where they could relax. They went to Chili's.

"Oh, no! I have just cut my finger. It is bleeding!" cried Mustafa just two minutes after the food had been served.

Frau Farbissina sighed; trying to take over the world had become such a dull task.

"Well, this ribs are just scrumptious. Aren't they Number Zwei?"

Number 2 had his mouth full with corn so he just nodded.

"Excuse me. I need medical assistance! My finger is very badly cut," cried poor Mustafa.

"Will you shut up, moron? I'm trying to eat!" snapped Scott.

"Son, watch your manner at the table!" cried Farbissina as she took her whip and hit Scott's hand with it.

"Ouch, mom!"

"Yeah hit that little jerk!" belched out Fat Bastard.

"Shut up, you bucket of lard!" Scott uttered angrily.

"Scott that is enough!" she said calmly. She paused and then WHACK!

"Owwwww!" cried Fat Bastard. Farbissina and Scott exchanged tender smiles.

"People you need to focus here... please! I am injured!" cried Mustafa.

"Hey lady you hit me! You will pay for this! You will pay, pay, PAY!"

"For crying out loud you are spitting on all of us," said Number 2.

Fat Bastard's eyes wondered embarrassedly as he muttered a very low "Sorry".

"You stupid fat guy! You spit all over my baby back ribs!" cried Scott in disgust.

"Okay I've had enough of this little piece of shit! Why you---!" Fat Bastard's huge physique jumped towards Scott. He grabbed the teen by his neck and squeezed.

Frau Farbissina tried to loosen her son from Fat Bastard's grip and Number 2 was busy covering his plate and glass of Dr. Pepper just to make sure they weren't knocked over.

"Mom, Fat Bastard's still squeezing!"

"I am not!"

"You stop it right now!" cried Farbissina as whipped the fat guy. Fat Bastard released Scott. "Apologize right now Fat Bastard!"

"Sorry."

"You too, Scott," she demanded.

"Fine, sorry, whatever."

In pain and furious, Mustafa stood up and whistled. Everyone froze and looked at him. "You people are animals! I am in need of immediate medical assistance and all you do is bicker and argue about unimportant things!"

Number Two grabbed his gun and shot Mustafa. Everybody waited.

Silence.

They waited leaning over to see Mustafa who lay beside the table.

Silence.

Number 2 pushed Mustafa's body with his foot. "You know, I think he actually died this time."

"It was about time," said Farbissina as she dipped her chicken strip into the honey mustard dip.

"I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs," sang Fat Bastard.

Everybody laughed. Then a honk was heard. In came Dr. Evil in his scooter with Mini Me.

"Sorry for being late everyone. Mini Me wee-weed on his pants and I had to change him. Come Mini Me, let's sit."

Dr. Evil grabbed Number Two's plate and started eating. Mini Me took Scott's piece of juicy rib off his hand and started biting on it.

"Ow! Dad, your stupid Mini You bit me!"

"Now, Mini Me, what have I told you about biting other people while on the table?"

Mini Me sat back and ate the rib.

The waitress came to refill the soda glasses.

"Could you please take this plate with you and bring me my cheesecake?" said Frau Farbissina. "Oh and another thing. Would you be so kind and remove the corpse away from our table. It's disturbing."

"I heard that," said Mustafa.

THE END