So apparently I didn't upload the finished version.
Shit
greeeat waay to start the new year.
I am so sorry guys
Thick fat flakes fell from the sky as the year rounded to a close, the people milling about laughing and talking with their partners and loved ones, each with a smile.
One woman panted as she ran through the streets, her arms pumping and clutching her bag. Her black hair practically flew behind her and her legs pounded the sidewalk. Brown coat buttoned up to her neck and her pink scarf safely tucked against her chest. Gripped the railing of the stairs that she came too, her lungs panting as she looked up the long walk. Swallowing her fear, she began to run up the stairs, her path aided by the banister.
It was so stupid.
She was so stupid.
She was not one for running, she never played many sports as a kid and the ones she did were less aerobics and more flexibility.
Now, here she was, running up several flights of stairs to stop something she should have done since the moment she met him.
At the top of the stairs was a small, run down shrine, only visited by a few, and usually on special ceremonies and occasions. By far, she was the youngest there, visiting relatively often since it was where her parent's got married.
It was said that the God there was one of good fortune. At the time she thought it was some cruel joke someone did for a laugh. Since their wedding, her parents had lost two children, one a stillborn, one a miscarriage, lost several jobs, suffered from almost every flu or virus, and broke more than three bones each in their ten years or marriage.
All of which was nothing compared to the sudden death on their anniversary.
Rin had been only seven. A sickly child, but one who never stopped chatting and laughing. When her parents passed, it changed all that.
She cried endlessly, wishing she, at that young age, could be with them again, wanted to join them, for them to come home, to come get her from the Hellish nightmare that was her loneliness.
At twenty, mute and heavily medicated, Rin found herself alone again on New Year's, sitting at a rundown shrine, feeling just as worthless as the wood that made the small arch. In her second year of college, Rin was struggling to find a point to all this, let alone a purpose for herself. She glanced down to the city lights, half-wishing she could have had the courage to join a party or go drinking at a bar. The other half of her reminding her that no one would want her.
She would just ruin a good time.
Tears had slipped down her face, her hand wiping them away to keep her face from freezing.
Not that she should care.
Her black hair shook.
She shouldn't think like that.
Her parents would only be more disappointed in her than they were already.
A soft crunch in the snow had her head jerking up, now humiliated with her sate.
She was still dressed from the same clothes as yesterday, her hair looked like it hadn't seen a brush in months, her eyes were rimmed in red, and her skin was sickly and gaunt.
It didn't help that the man before her was utterly gorgeous.
He was a demon, the ears and marking gave away that much. His eyes were a piercing amber and his hair was straight and silver, down past his knees. The coat he wore was tailored to fit his form, which was strong and lean.
And she was a ragdoll next to him.
She sucked in a deep breath, her head turning away from him to the chord, her hands clasping in prayer.
The demon seemed to take no notice, or at least didn't care about, her. He stood next to her, his eyes looking solemnly down at the well. Slowly, he lifted his hands up to his chest, his chin tilting downward as a sign of respect.
They stood like that for what felt like hours, though Rin learned by her watch it was only a few minutes. Slowly, the demon turned to walk away, his hair swishing and practically blending into the snow. As she watched him go, the young woman felt saddened that he never spoke to her, knowing it was stupid to even feel this way.
"Rin?"
It had been only a few hours into the new year when Rin was back at the nurses station, picking up shifts to let her classmates enjoy the night off. Now, she was at the station, filling out reports and essentially walking around a quiet hospital.
"I need to go on break," friendly nurse whispered, "you good to switch?"
Nodding slowly, the young woman received a pat on the back and a kind smile.
Break was just a term they used. In truth, all nurses needed to be ready in case of heart attack or a code of any kind. As Rin walked down another wing, she half wished she could take hers. Yawning, she did her best to push the thoughts out of her head. If she got tired now, she might lose someone. A mother, a father, a brother, a sister, or worse.
A son or daughter.
Her first few patients were older men and women, each visited by their spouse or family on this New Year's Eve.
The next patient was one she never expected to see.
In a private room, a demon rested, his chest open and breathing, clearly recovering from open heart surgery.
She remembered this man.
The nurses had all talked about how a wealthy demon had a cardiac arrest on the table. Though he made it through surgery, whether he would wake up was another story.
She quietly stepped into his room, her eyes glancing to the sleeping woman and half-demon, both looking rough and haggard. The young woman smiled softly, wanting to wrap them up in a blanket. She would have too, were it not for the man that sat beside the elder.
"You!?"
His voice was deep and soft, careful not to disturb the two sleeping on the couch. It was sill enough to make her jump.
The demon stood to is full height.
"What are you doing here!?" he accused, his eyes narrowing before they looked over the nurse's gown she donned and the stethoscope she had. "You're… a nurse?"
Slowly the young woman nodded, her throat thick and nervous.
"My apologies," the demon murmured, "long night."
Rin still said nothing, her eyes deliberately avoiding his steely glare.
Slowly, she went to fetch the demon's chart, her eyes scanning the pages before she stepped to the demon on the bed, her eyes looking to the monitor.
"How is he?"
She looked back to the demon, her lips pulling into a soft smile as best she could.
"You don't say much, do you?" he commented, Rin shrugging her shoulders in response.
She rarely did, given that the last time she spoke it was in tears, and she was told to shut up.
She was told she sounded smarter that way.
A chair creaked as the demon came to sit on the chair, his head hung and his hands rubbing his eyes.
"Stupid old man," he whispered, "just wake up."
It was obvious the stress was getting to him, making him stress and driving him to fatigue.
He clearly loved his father.
Her hand came over his, her fingertips gently touching his knuckles.
Jerking up, his amber eyes met her kind brown ones, the young woman letting a small smile fall on her face.
"I… It'll be okay."
The first few words out of her mouth since her parents' passing.
They didn't hurt nearly as bad as she thought.
Her hand patted his once more before she moved to walk away, leaving the demon to sit with his father.
At six in the morning she was relieved of her duty. Grateful, she walked into the locker room, gathered her things, and made to leave, her feet taking her to the entrance of the hospital through the demon's room.
She wasn't sure what made her stop, but now she peered in, the woman and son still fast asleep, the other demon now hunched over the chair. Gently she tapped his back, jumping as he did.
Turning, the demon looked her up and down, his heart rate relaxing a the sight of her.
"Don't scare me like that," he chastised lightly, his lungs expelling a deep sigh.
Bowing in apology, Rin shuffled her feet, slowly looking towards the man on the bed.
"He still hasn't woken up," the son commented, as though reading her thoughts, "and at this point-"
A hand on his arm stopped his next few words, even Rin unsure as to why she did that.
Face flushing in embarrassment, the young woman let him go, meaning to turn away, though something stopped her.
Moving towards the monitor, Rin looked down at the patient, her hands instinctively reaching for their call button.
"Yes?"
The demon turned in confusion to the other nurse that joined them, Rin merely pointing to the screen.
"Sesshomaru?"
The woman and half-demon had risen since her and the demon had had their conversation, the younger rubbing his amber eyes and she now looking worried as a second nurse hung over the elder demon.
"Sesshomaru," the woman came to the other's side, "what's going on?"
"I don't-"
"We're going to need to you all to leave the room," the nurse informed them, ushering Rin out too.
"Wait, why-"
"Now, please!"
Rin took the subtle hint and slipped out before them, knowing she caused a panic among the family.
But she had to tell someone.
The man was due to have another heart attack.
If the nurses didn't do anything, he would have died.
And if he didn't have one, she ruined their New Year's.
Which was all she ever did.
Ruin things.
Tears started to pool out of her eyes, knowing that she was set to breakdown.
On the first day of the New Year, she was going to have her first breakdown.
The young woman felt cold cement hit her knee as she crashed into it, her breath coming out of her in thick white fog.
No.
She couldn't screw up.
Not now.
Gripping the railing firmly, the young woman pulled herself up off the wet land, barely caring about her ripped stockings before she continued her run up the steps, the tears in her eyes not from the pain.
Almost two weeks later, she has been working at the hospital, her usual rounds built in with her schoolwork. Frazzled beyond belief and tired, she looked forward to going home to bed and sleeping for a day or three.
That is, until the flower came.
It was a single white Calla Lilly, pristine and unblemished. The nurse that handed it to her had a cheeky grin. On the stem of the flower was a simple note:
Thank You
When asked who sent it, Rin was informed that it was a very handsome demon, and he was very adamant that he remain anonymous.
Rin did nothing but stare at the flower for the next few days, deciding to press the petals in a book of cardiac diseases, figuring it appropriate.
"Ah!"
This time Rin yelped in pain as she skinned her shin on the steps, wiping away the drips of blood that soaked her pantyhose.
The demon had met her again, taking his father in for a post check up. Surprised to see him, the young woman waved to him, Sesshomaru looking up to acknowledge the young woman.
Had it not been for his father, they might not have gone out to have a drink. The elder emerged from the room, smiling to his son and nodding to the nurse, doing a double take at the sight of her. He then insisted that she come out for a thank you, refusing to take no for an answer. After badgering and pushing, she finally caved, wondering how she was going to communicate without a voice.
Fortunately, she didn't have too.
Sesshomaru showed up to tell her that his father was tied up with work, and sent his apologies. She was more relieved than saddened by the new, though her guilt at that fact drove her to agree to have coffee with Sesshomaru.
It was the first of many, the coffees growing to lunches and then dinners, all the while the demon was seemingly bored.
It must be, Rin concluded, that it was because she had saved his father, so the demon was most likely doing this out of obligation than enjoyment.
So, it was when New Year's Eve rolled around, and he invited her to his home for the night, she actually declined. For once in their six month relationship, she denied his company.
He didn't care about her.
Not even as a friend.
And never as a potential love interest.
Sesshomaru was handsome and strong. His family was wealthy and he had learned to be an absolute perfect gentleman through and through.
Girls swooned over him everywhere he went, some even looking at Rin angrily, as though she had taken away all their hopes and desires.
But he still felt nothing for her.
She was a mute weirdo whose mental health could be best classified as stable.
She was just an obligation for him.
So, on New Year's, she sat at a bar, alone. She put a descent deal of effort into her look, her fingers swirling the drink and her eyes just staring at it blankly. Everyone around her was a couple, and they were so clearly in love.
And she was sitting alone, and pining.
"Nurse Rin, is it?"
Her head jerked up at the voice, her eyes coming to meet a set of amber. These ones were laughing and his lips were smiling bright.
"How are you?"
She stammered weakly, her throat still at a loss for words.
"Right, my son mentioned you didn't speak much."
He was not being malicious, only kindness in his voice.
"I thought you'd be with him tonight," he continued, "why not?"
Still Rin was quiet, her lungs inhaling big huffs of air as she tried to find her words.
"It's alright."
His hand covered hers, his smile still on his face.
"Here."
Rin looked down at the offering, her heart quivering at the sight of the Calla Lilly, it an almost identical flower to the thank you.
"My son wanted to give you this tonight," he murmured, "I thought you should still get it."
Her fingers slowly extended to her, her eyes looking from the demon to the flower.
She wanted to thank him, to thank Sesshomaru.
She wished she could speak.
"You saved my life," he whispered gently, "but that is not what makes you special to my son."
Rin looked him in the eyes, the kind honeyed color she knew all too well.
It was the color Sesshomaru's eyes have changed too over their few months of walks and coffee and dinners.
"He quite likes that little shrine you first met him at," he continued to comment, "if you hurry, you can still catch him," his head jerked to the drink, "I'll get your bill."
There was so much she should have said to him, so much she should have done.
Instead she just hugged him.
And ran.
And at the top of the stairs, she collapsed.
No one was here.
She was all alone.
Her knees sank to the snow, her lungs breathing hard and her fingers still around the little white flower, tears now flowing freely down her face.
Like everything in her life, she had something so good, and yet let it go so easily.
She didn't know if she could love him, didn't know if she was good enough for him.
Her lungs inhaled deeply as she tried to calm herself down.
She didn't have him. She never did.
He wouldn't be a broken woman's man.
"Are you okay?"
Rin looked up to the man who offered her a hand up, Sesshomaru looking down at her impassively.
"Rin?"
She started to cry at the sight of him, the demon lowering to her level, entirely confused as to her actions.
"What-"
"I thought… you left…"
She hiccoughed quietly, Sesshomaru looking over her as she tried to calm down.
"I thought, you left," she carried on quietly, "I mean, why wouldn't you? I-I'm not someone to wait around for-"
"Who told you a stupid thing like that?"
Rin looked up to the demon, his eyes narrowed and head tilted.
"Because I don't talk," she whispered, "and I only ever think the worst of myself and-and you…"
She trailed off, swallowing thickly.
"You're you," she bleated out a small laugh, "you can have any woman you want and your handsome and smart and-and-" she swallowed thickly, "and you can make a loser like me feel like I actually matter."
There.
She said it.
Around him, she felt like she actually mattered. Like she could be someone.
Her lips were covered by his, the demon holding her face in his freezing hands.
"You do matter," he murmured, "to me."
She was still looking at him with wide eyes, her heart hammering loud enough she was sure he'd hear it.
"You didn't need to comfort me that night," he whispered, "but you did. You didn't need to stop and save my father, but you did," his fingers threaded through her hair, "you didn't need to join me, but you did."
Her hand shakily lifted up to cover his fingers, her eyes widening at the touch.
"You're hands… are freezing," she told him, "how long-?"
Again, her lips were covered by his, the demon seemingly uncaring as to who saw him with her.
"As long as it took for you to get here."
Rin felt her throat thicken at the words, her heart quivering at the words.
"Can I be with you?"
Rin wished she could be pinched.
Did he really ask her that?
"Rin," Sesshomaru asked her, "can I be with you?"
"You sound like your proposing," she teased quietly, sniffling.
"I suppose I am," he grinned, "but only dating… for now."
Rin flushed at the words, hating the hope that burned in her chest.
"I'm broken."
He kissed her again.
"I don't care."
"I need more support than anyone person can give…"
He kissed her again.
"I'll give you all I have and more," he promised.
She looked him in the eyes.
"I… won't ever want to let something as good as you go…"
His arms lifted her into his, her head forced to look down at him.
"Neither will I."
For once, Rin felt whole.
She felt like smiling, like emotions had a purpose.
Like hope was not something to lift her up to drop her down.
She kissed him this time.
Passionately.
Her hands covered his markings, running her hand over his cheeks, his around her waist. Somehow, her legs understood that she needed to hold onto him, her legs crossing over his hips.
"Careful Rin," he teased huskily, "this might turn me on."
"That's the idea," she huffed before she brought her mouth back to his, this time her tongue daring enough to slip into his mouth.
Sesshomaru accepted it gratefully.
The demon was careful, managing to walk her towards the forest, their bodies hidden from view of the shrine.
"W-Wait-Waities hidden from view of the shrine.
waist. Somehow, has sure he'!" She hit his shoulder, "here? Now?"
"I did warn you," he whispered as he pressed her back up again a tree, his lips coming to kiss her tenderly, "but if you'd rather stop, this is as far as we go tonight."
Rin bit her lip. She wanted him, so badly.
But was he really for all the baggage she had?
"If… If…" she swallowed thickly, watching her new confidence fizzle.
She sucked in a deep breath.
"If I can't walk, you better carry me down those steps."
The demon's laugh, she decided, was something she wanted to hear again.
"Deal," he whispered to the shell of her ear, his breath ghosting over her neck, making her shiver.
They couldn't undress here, being far too cold. However, his fingers continued their pilgrimage, tearing of her stockings entirely and reaching for her panties. She squeaked at his cold hands ran up her thighs, her legs pulling them close together.
Close enough to feel his excitement.
She parted as he touched the most intimate part of her, her lips to the sky as she moaned quietly.
"Ah…. Hah…"
White puffs vanished into the air as she moaned, the demon's lips to her neck, tearing off the scarf and tossing it to the ground.
"Hahh… Sesshomaru…"
Again he kissed her.
Her hands wrapped around his neck, her back adjusting as she felt him reach for his belt.
He was swift.
He had to be.
She gasped as he entered her, her fingers tightening on his black wool jacket. Moans came out of her, her lungs trying to calm down as she tried to deal with this new sensation of feelings.
"I wish I had time with you," he whispered, his fingers running down her thighs, "I would savor you, cover you in marks to let the world know I have you," his lips nipped and bit at her throat, "but for now this is all I can manage."
She did nothing but nod, her throat swallowing thickly as she tried to find her bearings.
"Ah… hah…. UN...ed and bit at her down her thighs, "on his black wool jacket. Moans came out of her in !"
Rin groaned as he began to slowly thrust into her, one of her hands coming to clutch the trunk of the tree, her nails scraping the bark off as he began to bring her to ecstasy.
It was an odd sight, Rin wondered as she clung onto the strands of sanity that she had, to see a demon so composed lose control.
Over her.
"Se-Sesshomaru-hah"
She prayed no one would hear her, though, if he carried on as he was, they wouldn't have to walk up the mountain.
The young woman couldn't contain herself, calling his name as he rode into her, her head thrown back and toes curling in her boots.
"R-Rin…"
The demon's moan was guttural, his desire for her evident and his teeth against her flesh.
Neither one lasted long, the two left shivering in the cold, sweat beading on their foreheads, lungs sucking in what air they could.
"So?" Sesshomaru asked, breaking the silence, "am I carrying you down?"
Rin huffed, and, for the first time in thirteen years, burst out laughing.
"Yeah," she huffed, her forehead touching him, "you might be doing that for a bit longer…."
"No," Sesshomaru shook his hear, puling her up in his arms, "you're too strong for that."
