Disclaimer: I do not own the Mortal Instruments
Poison scorched through his body and burned him from the inside. The pain was immense but he ignored it to kill the monster that had attacked him. The pain was his release from the emptiness he dealt with every second of everyday. Living without a heart was harder than he thought it would be. He would do anything to feel again. Anything. His blade pierced the demons kill spot at the same moment that Jace came running into his blurring vision. The demon disintegrated leaving only a small pile of ash and the poison in his veins. His legs buckled and Jace caught him seconds before his head slammed against the stained pavement. But he didn't mind because he was feeling.
"Dammit Alec! What were you thinking!?" Jace yelled in Alec's face, but he just smiled weakly.
"I did it though. All by myself," he was proud of what he had done even though he was about to die.
"Do you realize that you might just die one of these times? How many times can your body take this poison until it just doesn't take it anymore? Alec are you trying to kill yourself because if you are you might just get your wish," Jace frowned and called Isabelle to tell her to have someone there to help when he finally got Alec back to the Institute. "Okay buddy let's try to get your home. You're lucky that he are only three blocks away, any further and I don't think we would be able to make it," Jace smiled grimly and picked him up bridle style and started running.
Izzy was waiting at the door for them when they made it back to the Institute. Jace walked the rest of the way to Alec's room and dropped him on the bed, panting hard. Alec's face was paler than normal and sweat was beading on his forehead. Jace sat down on the edge of Alec's bed like so many times before and began to wipe the sweat away with a damp towel supplied by Izzy. Everyday Alec would disappear only to come stumbling through the door in the wee hours of the morning, and more often than not he would he hurt in some way.
"Why do you think he does this?" Jace asked when he was breathing evenly again.
"It has to be about Magnus. He still won't answer my texts, not even when I tell him that Alec is dying and needs healed. Whatever happened between them had to be what is causing Alec to be like this," Izzy was leaning against the wall beside the door waiting for the latest healer to come fix her elder brother.
Within minutes the room was bustling with people trying to help Alec, but they had no idea what demon had poisoned him, because he had killed it before Jace got a good look. After ten minutes someone gave him a pill and left to tell the adults, because the people tending him weren't good enough. Jace watched expectantly and when Alec finally opened his eyes he sighed and left. No matter how much he loved the boy he just couldn't talk to him. Everything he had to say had already been said to him and it was obvious he had no desire to listen.
Izzy followed shortly afterwards and found Jace in the weapons room throwing knives at a dart board. Izzy watched him for a few minutes, allowing him to get his aggression out. She wanted to do something like that too, but one of them had to be sensible.
"Jace you do know that a dart board is made for darts right?" Izzy walked over to him and took the knives away from him.
"What the fuck Izzy!" Jace turned around to face her, but when he saw the look of exhaustion in her eyes he stopped. "I just don't understand Izzy. Why does he have to do this? Aren't we good enough for him!?" Tears welled up in Jace's eyes and Izzy dropped the knife before taking him in her arms.
"Jace, he doesn't know what else to do. He just wants to do something that will take his mind off the fact that Magnus is gone. I really don't think he even knows that he is hurting us, he's never home long enough to see that nobody even talks anymore." Izzy held Jace as his tears stained her shirt. Jace took Alec's state the worse because he always felt like he should be faster. He always talked about that he could have stopped it if he had only been there a few seconds earlier.
"Then maybe we just need to force him to stay home and see the truth." Jace wiped off his face and left the room. Izzy knew that Jace thought he was doing the right thing but she knew that there was nothing that could help Alec except for Alec…or maybe Magnus. But that would never happen. Izzy had a feeling that whatever happened between Alec and Magnus wasn't ever going to get fixed. She somehow knew that she and the others would never see Magnus again, well unless Alec left.
Jace walked into Alec's room and found Alec sleeping, the only thing he ever did when home. Jace pulled up a chair and watched as the boy who was like a brother to him clutched the shirt of a man that would never return.
Hours later Jace was still watching Alec when it happened. It started with Alec just twitching, moving in his sleep. But the movement became violent and his breathing became harsh. The words came last and they cut Jace open.
"I love you! Please Magnus don't leave me. I've tried to kill myself Magnus and I just can seem to get it right. Help me."
With that Jace stood up and pulled Alec into his chest, where he woke up and started crying. Alec silent sobbing caused his shoulders to shake and Jace's shirt to become drenched. Jace rubbed circles on Alec's back and swore over and over to himself that Magnus would pay for what he did. About twenty minutes later Alec fell asleep again, and that was when he noticed Izzy standing in the doorway.
"I'm going to go out Iz. I need you to stay here and watch him for me. Don't let him leave okay?" Jace stood up and walked out without letting Izzy answer him.
The lights in Magnus' apartment were out but Jace wasn't going to let that stop him, Magnus needed to know what he had done to Alec. He needed to leave. Jace pressed the buzzer hoping Magnus would answer. Minutes later a groggy Magnus sounded through the speaker.
"Please tell me why I was just awoken?"
"Because Magnus we need to talk." Jace was angry but he forced his voice to come out calm.
"I can tell that you won't leave until you say what you need to so please come up." Jace took the stairs two at a time and found the door open at the top waiting for him. He slammed the door closed behind him and looked for Magnus, who was sitting on the couch like nothing was wrong.
"We keep trying to get ahold of you but you never seem to care." Jace folded his arms across his chest defensively as he said this.
"Maybe I just don't want to know what you are saying." Magnus' cat jumped into his lap and he kissed its head.
"Do you know what I had to do today, and every single day since you left?"
"No, but seeing as I have been ignoring you, you would know that already." Magnus shifted his legs underneath himself curling up like the cat his eye reminded Jace of.
"Today I ran the streets looking for Alec. Trying to find a broken boy with a death wish isn't easy. And when I did find him Magnus he was poisoned by the demon he had been fighting, and it isn't the first time I have found him that way." Magnus shifted at the mention of Alec, "And tonight when he was sleeping after a random healer fixed him, he had a nightmare Magnus. And who do you think it was fucking about!?" Jace stalked over to Magnus and wrapped his hands around his neck.
"I want so bad to kill you Magnus. He whispered that he was trying to kill himself. He was talking to you. I held him when he woke up crying, you broke a boy that never did anything to you. He isn't okay Magnus and we both know you caused this." Jace's hands gripped harder, "I think it would be best for everyone if you just disappeared. No one will call you anymore. Just leave Magnus, because this town doesn't need you." Jace released Magnus and walked to the door.
"Whatever is best," Magnus said as Jace left the apartment.
