Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the movie Zootopia are owned by Disney the great and powerful. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Wedding Bell Blues, written by Laura Nyro, became a hit for The 5th Dimension. It's not the title I'm trying to remember. I'm trying to recall a 1950s Doo Wop tune, but not getting it. Maybe it'll come back for a later chapter title.

Wedding Bell Blues

Ben Clawhauser smiled broadly as Nick and Judy entered the First together. "Welcome home, Your Honor."

"Not 'Your Honor' any more, you know that," Nick reminded him. "And Judy and I have news, we're–"

"Engaged."

"It's that obvious? How did you–"

"Judy texted me this morning with the news."

The fox stared at the bunny, "You texted him?"

"That's what he just said. He's the only animal I've told."

"Not even your mom and dad? Ah, but why should you call them? Call Ben and he'll see everyone in the world gets the message."

"That's not fair," Clawhauser pouted. "I've only sent the news out to everyone at the First... And some dispatchers at the other precincts. I mean, Judy didn't say it was a secret. But honest, I only sent it out to maybe two hundred, two hundred fifty animals – tops. If everyone knows you're getting married, one of them is a gossip. Meanwhile," he turned the open box of doughnuts on his desk toward them and pushed it over in invitation, "have a doughnut. Congratulations."

Judy picked a doughnut with vanilla frosting and blue star sprinkles, "Thanks. Of course a lot of officers have known Nick and I would get married before Nick did. I have no idea why it took him so long to realize he loved me madly."

"I could tell you, but you wouldn't want to hear it," the fox muttered, selecting a maple-glazed cream-filled from the offered box.

She stared up at him, her large violet eyes looking like they wanted to cry. "You... You don't want to marry me?"

He started to chuckle, "Damn it, Judy, would you stop looking so adorable when I'm trying to pretend I'm upset with you?"

She laughed and hugged him, "Sorry. Just too happy at the moment to pretend to argue. We'll have a real argument soon enough." She then brushed vanilla frosting off his jacket. "Sorry."

"So, when are you getting married?" Clawhauser asked.

"How about you try to not start a real argument between us right this minute?" suggested Nick.

"Oops, uh, Alces said to report to him as soon as you got here."

Alce's door was open. Nick gave a polite knock on the frame to alert the moose they were there. He looked up from the report he was reading. "Come in. Close the door behind you. Sit." He remained silent as they followed his orders. He remained silent for a moment after they had sat. Judy and Nick both had the feeling he was looking for the words to say something difficult. He finally cleared his throat, "All of my officers are 'special'. Some are more special than others, I–"

"Excuse me," Judy asked, "but, uh, by 'special' do you mean 'special good', or 'special bad'?"

"Yes. Now, according to Clawhauser the two of you are planning to get married."

Judy nodded yes.

Alces took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay... Here's the problem. According to the Police Manual married officers are not to serve as partners. It's an old rule. I can figure out a few reasons they may have put it in the regulations, but frankly there've never been that many married officers that it's been much of an issue. I've never had a married couple under me. And the few I've heard about probably needed a break from each other and didn't want to be together twenty-four seven–"

"But Nick and I–" Judy protested.

"Speak for yourself," the moose told her. "You're going to say the two of you want to stay partners. I doubt you've asked him his opinion, but I suspect he'll agree with you... Hell, he's smart enough he'd say he agreed even if he didn't just to keep a fight from happening. And regulation is why I called you in, it's not like this is my whim. When are you planning to get married?"

"We haven't set a date," Nick told him.

Judy suggested, "Soon."

"I'm going to suggest you petition the Police Commission to drop the rule. The two of you have more friends in high places than I do, and you can probably get it off the book. Two ideas. One, don't get married until after the rule is dropped. It would make my life easier. I happen to believe regulations are meant to be followed. That's why they're called regulations and not suggestions. Second idea, if you decide to get married before the rule is dropped try to keep the wedding so low key that I can pretend I never heard about it. That way I wouldn't be forced to break you up as partners."

Judy was shocked, "You'd really split us up?"

"That is the rule. Maybe the city didn't want the two married officers killed in an accident and their kids left without a parent. It would be easy to find different partners for both of you – Nyte would gladly take either of you. But I want you together, both because I think the two of you work well together, and because splitting you up would be nothing but pain for me. I'm selfish that way. I don't like big problems."

"Judy and I would be a big problem?"

"That's how I see it. I don't split you up as partners, I catch Hell for not following regulations. I split you up with different partners and I get whining from the two of you for splitting you up and pressure from your friends in high places who want the two of you to be happy together. Oh, final reminder – I'm telling the two of you request the change in regulations. You've got more clout at the top than I have, and I've got enough other things on my desk I don't need to be doing your work for you. Clear?"

"Clear," Nick told him.

"Wilde, words I never expected to say – good to have you back. Hell of a surprise you pulled on the city. Now, you've been out of the loop. Hopps can spend the morning getting you back up to speed on recent cases. Final words before you're out of here, words I suspected I might say, Congratulations on formal engagement. I'm happy for the two of you so long as you don't cause more work for me."

"We'll start calling in favors immediately."

"Good. Go start on it."

"You really haven't told your Mom and Dad," Nick whispered as they left the Captain's office.

"No, I thought we'd tell them when we make a fast trip to Bunnyburrow this weekend."

"We're going to Bunnyburrow this weekend? Why?"

"To tell Mom and Dad we're getting married, obviously."

"Earth to Judy. The telephone was invented so you wouldn't have to be in the room when the bomb goes off."

"Mom and Dad will love you."

"They didn't love me when I was there before, and we hadn't even kissed at that point. Now that we're sleeping together they're going to love me? You have told them we're sleeping together? Or were you counting on Susan to fill them in the way my sister ratted me out to my mom?"

"Well, I didn't exactly call up and say, 'Mom, Nick and I are having sex – and I love it!' But she should be able to tell."

"If you haven't told her, straight out, you should assume she and your dad are in denial and refuse to believe their wonderful daughter is sleeping with a fox."

"They'll learn to love you. I did, but you are an acquired taste. It was our fourth or fifth meeting before I fell in love with you at first sight. Mom and Dad have had time to adjust to the fact we love each other. They'll be cool. And we need to start talking wedding." She didn't say it, but both knew the wedding was usually done according to the traditions of the bride's family.

It was a low key day at work. Congratulations from other detectives and officers, both for the engagement and Nick's return to the First took most of their time. Judy filled him in on recent cases at the First. Nyte took the two of them out for lunch at a large diner. Judy and Nick shared a sandwich and Lylah spent most of the time giving them updates on how her own romance had progressed during the recall campaign.

Calls and emails to the Mayor, Police Commissioner, City Manager, and others in positions of power took much of the afternoon. Everyone was sympathetic. Everyone promised to look at the regulations. Some assured the couple the regulations should be changed. But most of the animals they talked with warned them that the city had designed the requirements for amending the police manual to make the process very, very difficult. It had been intended to keep any individual from tweaking it for his own purposes, but it meant even if the Mayor, Commissioner, and Commission all favored the change it would still take time, and multiple votes by the Commission before the change went into effect.

That night Judy reserved a berth in the sleeping car for the late night train to Bunnyburrow on Friday evening. She called her parents and told her to expect her and Nick, and she wanted the two of them to sleep together. Her mother countered with the proposal that she would find a bed large enough for Nick to sleep on, but she didn't want Judy's younger brothers and sisters to think she approved of unmarried couples sleeping together. Judy considered Nick being allowed to sleep under the same roof with her instead of banishing him to the seedy Bungalows as a victory and didn't press the issue.

The next day all detectives on first shift were ordered to stay late for an information session with the in-coming second shift detectives. Judy and Nick tried to ignore the rumors which swirled through the bullpen on the possible topic for the meeting, preferring to wait until they got the correct information.

The staff room was crowded, and relatively noisy. No one was talking loudly but enough animals talking softly still generates a buzz. Two animals entered the room. Judy and Nick recognized detective Parr, a cape buffalo from the Third they had worked with. The antelope in a white lab coat was unfamiliar to them.

"Quiet down!" the second shift Captain bellowed. "This is important."

"We're not sure how important this is," Parr admitted. "How many of you have heard of wilde?"

There was some laughter, with several detectives pointing at Nick.

Parr sighed, "Not him. Hey, Nick."

"Hey yourself. What's this wilde?"

"We're not completely sure. That's what this meeting is about. Now, seriously, how many have heard about something called wilde? What have you heard?"

"I hear it's some new kind of designer drug."

"Word on the street is some new kind of PED."

"Picked up some zebra acting whack a week ago. Lab said it was phencyclidine. He claimed he'd taken wilde."

"Had a tip some possum was selling wilde. Picked him up, what he was peddling was coriander."

A couple other officers added similar tales.

"Okay," Parr assured them. "You pretty much know everything. We can't be sure if there is a new drug out there, but rumors of the damn thing are causing an increase in sales of all kinds of shit being called wilde. Some of it is harmless spice. Some are other drugs, and we're seeing everything called wilde 'cause the stuff is supposed to be expensive so the pushers selling junk can charge a premium."

The antelope spoke, "Based on the fact many of the fakes are sold in a pill form we believe the real drug might come in that form, if it exists. Supposedly it makes the user more aggressive. Rumors are that some athletes take it to play harder. Rumors are that it enhances sex–"

"For him or her?" someone shouted.

"Minds out of the gutter. We aren't even sure it exists. Some of the counterfeits have come with pictures of one of your detectives–"

"Which might indicate one of Nick's enemies trying to smear him," suggested Parr.

"It's a claim you can keep up with a rabbit in bed," someone shouted. Nick tried to see who shouted the suggestion, so he could punch him in the nose later. He couldn't tell who, in the crowd, had made the suggestion. He chalked it up to one of the second shift detectives and not anyone he worked with.

Judy asked a serious question, "The claim it makes the user more aggressive, and putting Nick's picture on it. Does that mean it's connected to the night howler drug in some way?"

The antelope nodded. "That is one hypothesis. Without evidence all we can do it construct hypotheses."

"And that's why we're here," Parr told them. "My partner and I got tossed the assignment of verifying if the stuff is real. You're being asked to keep your ears open. Is this real? Even if there is no wilde the rumor itself is dangerous – who knows what kind of crap the people selling the fake shit may put in their pills. There are bad reactions even when junkies know what they're taking, taking an unknown drug is a danger for anyone around them."

There were several questions, answered by the antelope, and the first shift detectives were dismissed. The cape buffalo came over to talk with Judy and Nick for a moment.

"Congrats on the engagement."

"You heard?" Judy asked.

Nick pointed out, "Well, obviously. I'm guessing the dispatcher at the Third."

"Got it," Parr admitted.

"So, what's with this wilde?" Nick demanded. "As you may have heard, I've been kind of busy lately."

"I've already shared my ignorance to the group. Carson's gut hunches are usually pretty good. He'd put money on the stuff being real, and likes the night howler theory. He's got lead on finding out if the stuff is real... He doesn't want lead on the assignment to chase it down if it's real. His predictions aren't as good as his gut hunches, but if there turns out to be a real wilde, and it's got any connection with night howlers, he's predicting that one of the two of you catch lead on it. He and I wouldn't wish that on our worst enemy. Good luck if he's right."

Judy and Nick heard nothing about wilde that week. Nick needed to catch up on all that had happened since his demotion, re-assignment, and political campaign. There were other investigations to keep them too insanely busy to look at the mystery of wilde.

Judy interrogated her sister on what Susan might have told their mom and dad. Suze claimed she had mostly spoken with her parents about classes. Her opinion was that after Judy's failed proposal made the news Stu and Bonnie should have expected Judy and Nick to get married, and assumed they were having sex.

"Why?" asked Judy.

"Why what?"

"Why would they assume Nick and I are having sex and going to get married?"

"You're their daughter. You aren't going to be proposing to a male unless you're going to marry him. And you went off to the evil city, lost your mind and started chasing a fox. And once you caught him, you... They must have figured it out."

"Nick's guess is that if they haven't been told, point blank, then they're probably in denial."

Judy's sister thought for a moment. "He could be right. Have you told them?"

"No, Nick and I are going to Bunnyburrow this weekend to break the news. Um... Actually, I did tell Mom we were sleeping together."

"How did she take it? Are you scared?"

"A little," admitted Judy. "I guess she took it okay. I said I wanted to sleep with Nick while we were there this weekend, and she told me it wasn't going to happen, but she agreed Nick could stay instead of exiling him to the Bungalows."

Nick could tell Judy was nervous as they boarded the train Friday evening. He hoped his own anxiety didn't show. Apparently he managed the feat.

"How can you be so calm?" demanded Judy.

"Lifetime of practice," he explained. "You never let the other animal smell fear if you're pulling a con. And second, and most important, they're not my parents. Remember how nervous I was when I took you to see my mother? Just remember, your mom and dad love you and want the best for you... Maybe it's not a good idea to hold that thought. I strongly suspect that they won't consider me what's best for you."

"Could you find something more positive to say?"

"Not under the circumstances."

"Well, try. I want this wedding to be perfect. And no matter how small and unimportant your role in the wedding is, you need to contribute."

"Perfect wedding? Bad idea."

"Why?"

"It's all downhill from perfection. If the wedding is a disaster life gets better from there."

It would be a very short visit to Bunnyburrow. They left Friday evening, arrived early Saturday morning, and would leave Sunday night. Nick partly wondered if it was even worth the travel time for such a short trip, but Judy wanted to tell her parents the news in person. On the other hand Nick appreciated the fact it was scheduled as a short trip. On the off chance that things went horribly, horribly wrong he appreciated the fact they'd clear out of Bunnyburrow before the honorable citizens could collect a sufficient number of pitchforks and torches to organize a decent angry mob. At least Nick assumed that pitchforks were no longer a common farm implement that they would be buried so far back in an old shed, or forgotten entirely, that it would take a three or four days for the townsfolk to organize an unruly mob and come after him.

Judy had trouble sleeping on the train. She wanted everything to be perfect. She wanted her family to love Nick. She wanted Nick to love her family. And she wanted the most beautiful wedding ever... Perhaps the most beautiful wedding ever was asking too much. As long as it was in the top ten beautiful weddings in history she could be happy.

The tension at the train station was not quite as bad as it had been on Nick's first trip to Bunnyburrow. Nick was extremely pleased by how hard Stu and Bonnie were trying to accept him. For Judy, what came through most clearly was how much of a struggle it was for her mom and dad.

Judy showed her ring to her mother, "It's a traditional ring from one of the species that's in the Sahel. Nick bought it for me when he was sent there."

"I, uh, didn't know it was a traditional engagement ring," the fox explained. "And when we found out... Judy leaves out the part where it was only to be given after her father approved of the marriage."

"So Stu can call off the marriage?" Bonnie asked – far too eagerly in Judy's imagination.

"Mom!" Judy protested, "Old tradition. And you probably needed to provide a dowry – like three baskets of persimmons and a dozen chickens or something."

"I don't need any persimmons," Nick assured Stu, "and my landlord would object if I brought in chickens. But I am hoping for Judy's paw in marriage."

They all looked at Stu. Stu felt uncomfortable as the center of attention. He wondered if Bonnie wanted him to say no. He suspected Judy would not accept 'no', and that, in the great scheme of things, his opinion really didn't matter. "Um... I... Um... I just want Judy to be happy, will you make her happy?"

"I'll do my best," promised Nick.

"He does," Judy assured her parents, giving Nick an enthusiastic hug.

Two days was not enough time for Stu and Bonnie to become happy with the idea of Nick marrying Judy. Nick wasn't certain if they'd ever be truly happy with the idea, but he could see them trying to accept him as best they could, and he appreciated that even though their discomfort made him uncomfortable. The good news, in his mind, was that after a wedding in Bunnyburrow he and Judy would live in Zootopia and perhaps he could stay there when Judy went back to Bunnyburrow to see her family.

While Nick saw that Bonnie and Stu were trying to accept him, Judy only saw the fact they were not comfortable around the fox. She wanted them to be as happy about her marriage as she felt herself and was discouraged by reality.


Judy seemed subdued as they took the train back to Zootopia.

Nick put an arm around her, "What's up, Fluff? You look lower than Finnick's bank account."

"I... I don't want to be married in Bunnyburrow."

"What?"

"I don't want the wedding ceremony in Bunnyburrow."

"Isn't it usually the bride's choice?"

"Fine, but... You didn't pick up the problems my family had with you?"

"I picked up the fact they were trying to accept me. Hey, it's not like we'll live in Bunnyburrow or anything. We show up, there's the wedding, and we leave. We're back to Bunnyburrow for vacation every now and then – Harvest End if we're not working. The point is for the bride to be happy. It's her day."

"Well, if it's my day I want to get married where I don't have to feel stressed out. I want a place where I don't have to invite a ton of family members half of whom don't really want to attend."

"And if we don't have the wedding in Bunnyburrow I'm the villain with your family."

"Huh?"

"They think I told you not to get married in Bunnyburrow... Like you'd listen to me."

"I always listen to you. And it's my choice. I'm not comfortable."

"You always listen to me?" Nick asked, raising an eyebrow. "And let's face it, I am the reason you're not comfortable. If you were marrying some rabbit you wouldn't feel uncomfortable."

"I'd feel very uncomfortable marrying a rabbit in Bunnyburrow when I'm madly in love with a handsome fox..." Judy fell silent for a minute. "I'll call Mom. I'll tell her you want the wedding to be in Bunnyburrow but I don't. I think she'll be relieved and happy. She may say something about, 'Oh, you should have it here,' but I predict she won't argue hard."

"And if she does?"

"Maybe I'll reconsider... Nick? Do you really want to get married in Bunnyburrow, honestly?"

The fox sighed, "Honestly? On a one to ten scale of not wanting to get married in Bunnyburrow I'm a six. But on the same scale for not wanting to get blamed if we don't, I'm at nine. I'd rather be married there than hated there."

"I love you, and I don't want you getting blamed. But it's my day and I don't need the stress. I'll tell mom it's my idea... I might make you more enthusiastic in your support for Bunnyburrow than you really feel. If she asks, you really wanted to get married in Bunnyburrow, okay? I mean, you said you really did prefer that to having people think you twisted my arm."

"Anyone who knows you knows Judy Hopps does what Judy Hopps wants and doesn't listen to anyone else."

"Not anymore. New rule. I want us both to be happy. And if you don't like the rule, learn to live with it."