Hey, so after watching Inception I saw Mysterious Skin, another one of Joseph Gordon-Levitt's other films. The acting and the subject matter was very heavy. Anyway, from that movie I decided to tie it to Inception, through of course fanfiction, the extremely stretchy medium that allows for imagination. I hope that you enjoy it, even though the time period is slightly off (Arthur/Neil would be about 40 realistically but for all intents and purposes Arthur is born in the 80s). Comments/reviews are very much appreciated.
Jokerfest
I wish there had been some other way, some other way to live, that I knew. I wish that there was some place that I could go, where my skin and my soul were both mine.
I'm in some guy's house. Some little fuck-in-the wall place, where even the rats squirm. Wendy's in my head again and she's telling me that it's not safe. I know that it's not safe. The man parks the car, I glance up at the bent sign, warning not to park there. Some part of me thinks maybe the sign is warning me.
I'd only done this twice before but both times they'd said that I was one of the best. I had this killer kind of mind set, they'd said. They gave me a different gun this time, told me it was gonna be my test. All I had to do was go in the fucker's house, blow him away and I'd be in all the way. I was proud, real proud and scared. I pushed the fear into the back of my head, where my family was, where the hurt was, the place where tears came from.
He's sucking me off, grunting like an animal. It feels kinda good and I'm in that place in my head. I remember Wendy getting me a job and even then trouble had found me. Trouble would always find me I'd realized, like the boogeyman under the bed, the monster in the closet, big yellow eyes just watching me. I come and he slurps, disgusting and wrong. I try to find that technicolor world, that special place. It took practice to get to that place.
I picked the lock, the way I'd learned. It was a piece of shit lock anyway and then I went in. I went to that place in my head, it was like space, the entirety of space squeezed into my brain, a vacuum. I couldn't feel, I was numb, the vacuum had sucked away all the heat, all the guilt. Living room smelled like piss and shit and all the dirty things I'd hated as a child. I heard noises come from the bedroom and I pushed open the splintered door.
I come back from that place, when the door opens. I see her there, some girl standing at the door. Her eyes are black like some demon. She's holding a gun, the man, he moves, tries to scramble away. Her shark eyes hold him and then she shoots him, just like that.
I hadn't expected a kid. Like me. His shirt's still on, his pants around his ankles. He scooted back onto the bed and I can already see his eyes sinking inward, see his mind going somewhere else. The Mark had been using him, same way I'd been used. I turned off the vacuum, let myself come back.
She says,"What're you doing here?"
"He was just a trick," I say. I know I sound like a robot, my voice sounds teeny in my ears.
She sits down on the bed. "Pull up your pants. I'm not gonna shoot you."
"Why not?"
"Because I was like you, turning tricks. I was like you and I used to go to that place in my head, same as you."
She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a stack of cash. She looks over at me. "Open your hand," she says.
I do it and she puts a thick stack of hundreds in my hands.
I watched him close his fingers around the money robotically. The animal part of his brain still thought I was gonna end his life. His body shook and I leaned over, kissed him on the cheek, pet his hair. A little sound escaped his lips, like whimper and a sob squished together.
She pets my head and she says to me,"What's your name?"
"N-Neil McCormick," I say. I feel hot tears on my face and the room is blurring and swaying like a watercolor painting.
"No it's not,"she says. "Your name is Arthur, Arthur Wellington. You listenin'?"
"Yeah."
"Your name is Arthur and you're just like the one from the stories. You're the king and you rule the world, your world. No one can hurt you anymore, okay?"
She makes no sense but I understand.
He nodded his head. His hands tightened on the money. He leaned onto my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around him. No one had been there to save me but that's probably why I'd been trying so hard for him. I wanted him to take control of his life, to battle his monsters until they were nothing but dust.
"You can't go back home just yet. You can't go back until the old you is dead, otherwise you'll find your way back to this kind of place. And you don't want that."
"I won't go back."
"That's what I'd thought. But I went back Arthur, again and again. Went back, till I was shaking from withdrawal and I'm bleeding out. I lost my baby in the ladies room at a gas station. So...don't lie Arthur, don't tell yourself you won't go back. Because you will, unless you kill that part of yourself."
"How'd you escape," I ask.
"Because the old me and that baby...on the floor. We died, same time, together. See that man on the floor?"
We study him, his awkward half slump, his eyes are glassy, like fish eyes. "He's dead and Neil is right there with him. You got ID?"
I shake my head against her shoulder.
"I'll leave a package behind the old mini-mart down the corner, four days from now. You know it," I asked.
"Yeah."
"It'll be your brand new life, like living a dream."
"And what about you?"
"I'll probably be dead by the time I turn twenty-five but that's okay."
"Why?"
"Because in this world...well, nobody loves me. When nobody loves you, you give up more and more... little pieces of yourself."
"No one?"
"Not anyone but it's fine because I'm saving you."
"I'll love you. I won't forget about you."
"Thanks,"she says. "That would be nice."
"What's your name," he asked as he settled his head onto my lap. His knees are drawn up like some kid and his hand is on my knee.
"Call me Ebby. It's short for Deborah. I didn't like Debbie, too childish."
"Ebby, then?"
"Yeah, makes people think my full name is more mysterious than it really is," I answered. I could hear the smile, in that little exhalation of breath.
"I'll remember you Ebby," he said. And then I started to cry. I hadn't cried in awhile, suppose it was a long time coming. He sat up and wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me. He started to whisper little promises and I nodded into his shoulder.
"When I change my name, I'll do everything over. I'll be smart as hell, I'll dress differently. And no one will know see Neil ever again because I'll remember you Ebby. I swear I will."
She cries softly, holding my shirt in her fingers. I already feel like she died.
She pulls away after a few minutes, kisses my forehead. "I love you, Arthur,"she says. And I know she means it. She loves me more than my mother ever did. I want to cry at the thought but Arthur doesn't cry. I know that.
...
"I found the package just as she'd promised. I opened it and found a passport, driver's license, birth certificate and other things that would bury Neil McCormick. I wanted to know how she'd gotten my picture but figured it was probably best left unknown. There was also a letter."
'When you get this I'll already be dead. I know it's mean but I figured it was the only way that you wouldn't go back. One of us has to make it Arthur, one of us has to live the dream. Remember no matter what, that I will always love you. Make yourself hard but not too hard. Be strong but fair. Find the one you love, and never let them go. And when you close your eyes and things seem to wash over you and everything just seems too hard, think of me, that night, holding you close.
Love,
Ebby'
"I still keep the letter, it's in a Swiss Bank account, underneath another alias. I still write my family occassionally, Wendy, Mom, Brian, Eric. At the end of the letter I put the name Neil, but in my heart, I'm Arthur. And sometimes I'll write a letter to Ebby, letting her know how my life is going. I let her know that I am literally living the dream. I tell her about my boss and how he'd gotten me out of a bad way. I tell her about the love of my life, the man who drives me insane, who sometimes manages to show me little glimmers of Neil, the good parts. I tell her about the new clothes and the money and the adventures."
"She saved your life."
"Yeah, she did."
Eames presses a soft kiss to Arthur's head. He looks up and they kiss. I smile. Or at least in this place, it feels like a smile.
"Thanks...for letting me see this. I think...I'm finally ready."
Then...it all goes to white.
