Disclaimer:
I do not own Bleach or any characters form Bleach. They belong to Tite Kubo.
Prologue:
Once upon a time there was a stupid person called Tite Kubo. He was a manga writer but a very bad one and he was very poor and his family had thrown him away. He was thinking of creating a new manga but could not get any ideas. One fateful night when Kubo was drinking with his friends one of his friends accidentally drank bleach (I don't Know how the bleach got there :) ). The man began to throw up and shortly afterwards died. Then a foolish inspiration came to Kubo and he had a very stupid idea of creating a crazy manga called Bleach in which people after dieing become grim reapers who wield swords called shinigami and kill mask wearing psychos called hollows who have holes in them. He had also drank strawberry falvoured beer so he would name the protagonist Ichigo(which means strawberry in Japanese). And so the ungodly manga called Bleach was created. Also Ichigo will soon confront Dracula, but not now.
Chapter 1:The Beginning of a FOOLISH Story
Somewhere in Karakura town there was a freak of nature called Kurosaki Ichigo who had naturally bleached hair. The reason for his hair being orange was that he had bleached his hair before birth. When Ichigo was 9 years old he accidentally ate a radioactive strawberry which gave him super strawberry powers. 6 years later Ichigo is 15 years old but has the brain of a rotten half eaten strawberry. One stupid day Ichigo was walking down the street in the afternoon a few thugs committed an extremely horrible act. Ichigo knew he had to punish them because they HAD KNOCKED OVER A BOTTLE!
Ichigo kicks one of the thugs really hard
Thug 1:Hey what are you doing man!
Ichigo:WHY DID YOU KNOCK OVER THAT WONDERFUL BOTTLE!
Thug 2:Hey it was only a bottle you orange headed idiot!
Ichigo:I SAID WHY DID YOU KNOCK OVER THAT BOTTLE!
Thug 2:It was in our way
Ichigo:YOU KNOCKED OVER THE SACRED BOTTLE BECAUSE IT WAS IN YOUR WAY!YOU ALL MUST DIE!
Ichigo kicks the head off thug 2.
Thug 3:AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(cries) you killed thug 2
Ichigo:Wait his name was thug 2?
Thug 1:Yes and now he's dead and he is gone forever!FOREVER!
Thug 3:You have ruined our thuggish friendship by killing him for knocking over a stupid bottle!
Ichigo:You dare mock the sacred bottle!That's it I am going to use my most powerful attack!
Ichigo takes out two strawberries.
Ichigo:ULTIMATE ATTACK!STRAWBERRY OF DEATH!
Ichigo throws the strawberries at the thugs. The strawberries go in to their mouths and explode.
Ichigo:That will teach them to knock over bottles!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ichigo laughs till it is midnight.
Ichigo:HAHAHAHAHAHA(looks at watch)*thinks*Hmmmm it is late I should stop laughing and go home
So Ichigo for the first time in his life very slightly uses his brain and goes home. When Ichigo opens the door to his house a extremely stupid looking man who resembles a pedophile jumps on him and kicks him in the head.
Pedo:IIIICHHHHHIIIIGOOOOOOO!
Ichigo:Hey what are you doing you ugly bastard!
Ichigo punches him in the face and knocks out some of his teeth.
Pedo:OUCH!Why did you punch me son!
Ichigo:Why did you kick me asshole!
Ichigo's pedo father:Because you came home late!
Ichigo:WHAT!You kicked me because I came home late you going to die you stupid BITCH!
Ichigo's pedo father:(begs and cries like an idiot)Sorry!I won't do it again!please don't kill me!
Ichigo:Okay but only if you give me 1000000 yen
Ichigo's pedo father:What thats a lot of money!
Ichigo:Thats it you're going to die
Ichigo's pedo father:Okay okay heres your dirty money(hands him the money)
Ichigo:Ahh thanks but I am going to kill you anyway
Ichigo's pedo father:Wait who's going to pay the bills if I am dead
Ichigo:Okay Isshin but from now on you will call me KING ICHIGO!
Isshin:Yes your majesty king Ichigo(kneels)
Ichigo:Hey I told you to call me KING ICHIGO not king Ichigo!
Isshin:OHHH in capital letters okay KING ICHIGO!(kneels again)
Ichigo:Okay you get to live for now. Now bring me some food knave!
Isshin:Yes your majesty!
Isshin brings Ichigo a meal fit for a king.
Ichigo:Hey(to author)you too will refer to me as KING ICHIGO!
Author:What!(in booming voice)SHUT UP OR I WILL REMOVE YOU FROM EXISTENCE
Ichigo:(cowers)Sorry, please forgive me
Author:all right but no more funny business, okay
Ichigo:Yes sir
Author:Hey where are your sisters?
Ichigo:Oh them i killed them!HAHAHAHA
Author:SHUT UP!
Ichigo:...
Author:Why did you kill them
Ichigo:Well you know the price of living has gone up so i killed them and sold their bodies to the black market
Author:Oh thank goodness I am glad to know that they did not go to waste, good work
Ichigo:Thank you
Author:Alright carry on with your foolishness
Ichigo:Oh yeah now where was I, oh yeah slave Isshin I am sleepy carry me to my bedroom!
Isshin:Yes your majesty KING ICHIGO!
Isshin carries his master on his back to his room.
End of Chapter 1:
You will have to wait for chapter 2 to see what other FOOLISH thing happens.
