A/N: If you know me and my writing, you'll know I always put my characters through the ringer. Torture equals love, right? But as much as I enjoy it, it hurts me just as much as it does them, so I need a little happy, and so do they. I think the rest of you do as well. This is just a missing scene from A Higher Power. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: SeaQuest DSV and its characters are not my creation. They are the creation of Rockne S. O'Bannon as a 1990's television series. This work of fanfiction is for entertainment purposes only and is not for financial gain. I am just borrowing the characters for a bit and promise to return them unharmed and in their original condition, maybe just a bit happier.
It's About Time
With every fiber of her being, Kristin had hoped that it had all been a dream. No, dream was not the proper word; it had been a nightmare, a prime example of how life can change in an instant. The life she had known for the past eighteen months had now been destroyed.
It was rather ironic for it to happen when it had; the tour was at its end anyway. They knew some of their friends were moving on to bigger and better things, but with the seaQuest gone, that number had increased significantly. Her entire science and medical staff was leaving, including Joshua, though she couldn't say she blamed any of them. Even though Nathan was dead set on rebuilding, no one knew exactly how long it would be. They all had obligations, bills, lives; no one had the resources to sit and wait for the new seaQuest.
And neither did she. She had every intention of staying for the second tour before the World Power Plant fiasco. Now, however, she didn't know if she could. She certainly wasn't rich by any means, and she had a contract with her research university; her being out of work meant they were losing precious time on any scientific breakthroughs. They'd use their money to fund other scientists and drop her like a bad habit. In short, she'd lose her chances of them ever funding her in the future. She wasn't sure if she could risk that. She'd worked very hard to build up a reputation with them, a long-standing relationship of trust and commitment. Could she risk losing that and having to start all over again?
Then, of course, there were the few that were staying for the second tour, mainly Lucas. Lucas was like her own son; she hated the thought of not seeing him every day. Oh, certainly, they had their disagreements, but that came with the territory. She couldn't bear the thought of leaving him.
And then there was Nathan… She'd finally come to the realization that she cared very deeply for him. She paused, giving a shake of her head. No, she realized she loved him, and she was fairly sure he loved her. Well, she thought he had before the other day, that is. He had said he didn't have any regrets over what happened, and she desperately wanted to believe him. After a year of tiptoeing around him and hoping he'd pull her into his arms, he finally did. She couldn't have been happier…that was until Lucas' hologram ruined the moment.
She'd had a battle between heart and head. In her heart, she had been terribly disappointed that Lucas had to interrupt. She had wanted more than those short intimate moments on Nathan's bunk. He had just found the clasp of her dress when it ended. In her head, however, she knew it would have been too fast. Had Lucas' goodbye present showed up just a few minutes later, they'd have had a lot more explaining to do…and poor Lucas would have gotten quite an eyeful.
She blushed hotly at the thought but quickly shook it from her mind. "It doesn't matter anymore," she muttered to herself. "You're only going to get yourself hurt again if you keep this up."
She hadn't seen Nathan since that fateful day, not since he lost his dream. That first day, she figured he needed time, and he was busy explaining everything to Lucas. She couldn't blame him. She knew Lucas felt Nathan was the only thing he had left in the world; his own parents had never been very attentive. And for whatever reason, Lucas never confided in her as much as he had Nathan. She never understood why, but then again, she never questioned it either.
As the days went on, she finally came to the realization that he indeed must have regretted what happened between them because he never once sought her out. They'd been put up in the hotel near the base until other arrangements could be made, so it wasn't as though she wasn't close by. They were just down the hall from one another.
No, she never made the effort to find him; she barely left her room, but he knew where she was. Had he wanted her, he could have easily knocked on the door, called on the vid-phone, left her a note, hired a skywriter…anything to let her know, really. The fact he never made any effort told her he didn't care as much as she thought. She had been nothing more than a convenience to him, she decided. She felt her eyes well up with tears at the thought and then wiped them away in vain.
She let out a shaky breath, finally making up her mind. She couldn't wait around forever, not for Nathan and not for the seaQuest. She'd explain it all to Lucas when the time was right, but first, she had to make some calls. She pushed herself off the bed and walked towards the vid-phone.
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After just two rings, the face of her funding coordinator, Dr. Margot Shelby, appeared on the screen. "Kristin? What has you calling so late?"
She bit her bottom lip as she glanced at the clock, forgetting all about the time difference. "Oh, I am so sorry, Margot, I-"
"Judging by those dark circles under your eyes, I'd say it must be an emergency, though," the older woman interrupted. "And don't worry; I guess it's lucky you caught me. I'm just working on paperwork."
Kristin sighed. "I look that bad, huh?"
"You just look like you've had a hard time lately. What's wrong?"
"Um…well, we've had a situation on seaQuest. It's a rather long, sordid story, but to sum it up, it no longer exists. I-"
Margot's brow furrowed. "You're serious?"
"I wouldn't joke about that," she replied quietly. "The UEO will be making an official statement to the media by the end of the week."
"No wonder you look like something the cat dragged in. Are you all right?"
"I've been better," she said with a shrug. "I didn't get hurt or anything." Not physically anyway. "The UEO's rebuilding, of course, but that could take a while. I can't go that long without work. Are there any positions open there?"
A brow rose. "I thought you left England because you wanted new opportunities, a change of scenery?"
"I did, but I haven't much of a choice now."
Margot typed a few things into the laptop on her desk. "You'll be boarded up inside a classroom again. Are you sure you're ready for that?"
Kristin never had been a fan of teaching. Oh, she had liked it in the beginning, but it was nothing compared to the hands-on experiments or practicing medicine. "I'll put forth my best effort."
"We've always told you that you can come back any time you wanted. You were always an asset to the team."
"I appreciate it more than you know."
"You're very welcome," Margot told her with a smile. "I've missed working with you. How much time would you need before we make it official?"
Kristin thought for a moment. "A month, perhaps? Things are a bit up in the air, but I've a few loose strings to tie up before I see about moving back home."
"A month is fine. Why don't you call me after you're settled in, and we'll go out to lunch, talk more about this?"
"I promise."
"And if you need anything, you know how to get a hold of me. Take care of yourself, dear. The next time I see you, I hope you're in better spirits."
"I plan on it. Thanks again, Margot."
"Anytime. Talk to you soon."
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After hanging up, Kristin felt somewhat better. At least she wouldn't have to worry about finances anymore. There was just the little matter of saying goodbye. Well, there was plenty of time for that, but there was one thing she had wanted to do; a good majority of the crew had given Nathan goodbye presents. She wanted to do the same, even if his feelings had changed. And she wanted to pick something up for Lucas as well.
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The sun was just beginning to set when she returned to the hotel; she'd spent all afternoon searching for the perfect gifts. She finally decided something personalized would be the best. She found a small silver plaque for Lucas with an inscription: Even though we're apart, I'll always be with you. She'd also got him a copy of Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss. Whether one was seven, seventeen, or ninety-seven, she always felt it had wonderful advice, and she thought Lucas would do well by it.
For Nathan, she decided on a photo box inscribed with: No matter how far away we are, you'll always be in my heart. She also wrote Nathan a personal letter explaining everything and attached it to the first, which she'd had wrapped at the store. She then picked it up and walked into the corridor, relieved she didn't see anyone she recognized. She didn't actually plan on speaking to Nathan's face. When she reached his door, she took a deep breath and set the gift down and knocked gently before quickly retreating.
She stopped for a split second when she heard a door open behind her. She shut her eyes tightly, afraid to look back, and then quickly came to her senses and continued on. Just a few more steps before she was home free…
"Kristin?"
She cringed and shut her eyes again. Of all the times for him to be in his room… She swallowed her pride and walked towards him, putting on her best smile. "Well, hello, stranger."
"I've been a little busy," he said sheepishly. "I meant to come find you, but this is really the first time I've had a free moment. I tried calling earlier." He held up the gift. "What's this?"
She bit her lip. "It's a goodbye present," she said quietly.
His brow furrowed. "Goodbye present?"
"Yes, well, everyone else got you one, so I didn't want to be left out. I wanted to give you something to remember me by."
He frowned. "Remember you by? You mean you're not staying for the next tour?"
"I was going to originally, yes, but without knowing when that tour will be…I can't wait around forever. I'm not in the financial position to do so, and I risk losing my funding. It's not something I want to do exactly… It's more of a necessity."
"Where will you go?"
"For now, back to teaching in London…that is, until something better comes along. I'll be leaving within the next few weeks, so I wanted to tell you first before anyone else."
He nodded quietly, staring at the gift in his hand, yet still making no attempt to open it. "I'll be sad to see you go."
She took a breath. "I know, but it's for the best, I think. Besides, you're obviously going to be way too busy for much else, at least until the inquest is over and the boat is rebuilt."
"Do you have any dinner plans?"
Her mouth fell open slightly for a moment. "Um, no…"
"Then what do you say we go out, just you and me? I think you owe me that much."
"Owe you?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't think I owe you anything after-"
He placed a gentle finger to her lips. "We never did get to finish our quiet dinner; besides, if we're going to say goodbye, I think we ought to do it properly. Don't you?"
She let out a slight laugh. "With our track record, do you really think that's a good idea? Disaster could be right around the corner."
"Sometimes you need to take that risk. Besides, if the world's about to end, at least we'll be together. Now, go get ready; I'll come get you in about an hour."
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"How could you let him talk you into this?" Kristin muttered at her reflection in the mirror.
Because you don't really want to say goodbye, her heart answered back.
She sighed. "Well, be that as it may, this has to be a clean break, nothing more. There's no reason to complicate things."
Thank goodness she'd had the good sense to purchase something dressy if she needed it. Since most of their belongings were damaged in the explosion, they'd all received monetary compensation, so she went out shopping the very next day for a few essential items.
She wore a light blue sleeveless dress with a knee-length pleated skirt and a matching blazer. She wore her auburn hair long and loose, showing off its natural wave. As she applied a bit of makeup, she stood back and looked at herself once again, doing a turn in front of the mirror. "I hope I don't look too dressy." She really hadn't much of a choice anyway; it was too late to run out and buy a new outfit.
Her stomach clenched the minute she heard him knock on the door. She fixed her hair a bit with her hands before moving to answer it.
"You look lovely," Nathan told her.
"Thank you," she said, giving him a soft smile. "You don't look too bad yourself."
"Are you ready? I hate to rush, but we actually have a reservation."
Her brow rose. "So fast?"
"I have connections," he said with a wink as he offered his arm.
She picked up her clutch and then accepted. "Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise, but I promise you'll like it."
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Nathan's 'surprise' was Victoria's, one of Pearl's fanciest Italian restaurants. He'd procured a private table out on the veranda, which overlooked the beach. Between the candles and the moonlight, it was absolutely breathtaking, but Kristin wasn't going to let on that she was impressed by any means. This was to be strictly platonic…or at least that's what she assumed it was. Not only that, he had said he wanted quiet, so that's what she was giving him. She hardly said two words to him while they ate, though he didn't seem to mind. She quietly sipped her wine and looked out at the water lapping on the shore.
"Don't you like your tortellini?" he asked her.
She turned back to him. "Oh, yes, of course; it's delicious, thank you. I'm just full."
"I guess you're not in the mood for dessert then?"
"Oh, no; I couldn't eat another bite."
He stood and held out his hand. "How about a dance then?"
"Oh, no, I couldn't possibly."
"Why not?"
She lowered her gaze, realizing she really didn't have a very good answer. She sighed and accepted his hand, eliciting a pleased smile on his face.
"See, that was rather painless, wasn't it?" he asked as they swayed in time with the music. "And we've avoided disaster too."
"So far, yes, but the night's still young."
He laughed. "But you weren't really worried about that; that's not why you've been trying to avoid making eye contact all night, is it?"
Her eyes grew wide.
"Didn't think I noticed, did you?"
"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You asked for a quiet meal, and I've been more than compliant."
"You talk as if this is some sort of casual business deal."
"You're the one who began treating it like one."
A brow rose. "Is that what you think?"
"I'm not sure what to think anymore; then again, it doesn't really matter, does it? In a few weeks, I'll be a distant memory; seems I'm already one as it is."
Nathan stopped moving. "I never said that."
"You didn't have to," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "Your actions spoke loud and clear. I'm sorry you see me as a mistake."
"Would you quit putting words in my mouth? I never said that." He then nodded his head towards the waiter, who had come to clear their dishes. "Besides, you're causing a scene."
Her cheeks burned with embarrassment as she crossed to the railing surrounding the veranda. Don't you dare cry, Kristin; not now. She tried in vain to swallow the lump in her throat before she felt his hands on her shoulders.
His voice was quiet, gentle. "I am so sorry you felt as though I was pushing you aside."
She simply shrugged, knowing if she spoke, she wouldn't be able to keep her emotions under control.
"I should have told you this right away, but when I had said I didn't regret what happened, I meant it. I could never, ever regret something so wonderful."
She felt the sting of tears at the corners of her eyes. "Please…"
"Please, what?" He placed a hand beneath her chin and pushed gently so she'd look at him. "I don't want to lose you."
"Neither do I," she choked out, her voice trembling, "but it's a little late for that."
Nathan pulled her into his arms. "No, it isn't," he whispered. "Shh, don't cry, okay?"
She nodded her head against his shoulder, taking a few shaky breaths.
"You seem to forget I know you better than most people," he continued. "I knew you were trying to run; you just didn't know I'd go after you. After I sent you to get ready, I made a few calls… They've decided to rebuild in New Cape Quest. Lucas and I have already planned to relocate, and the UEO labs have already extended an invitation to you if you want it."
She pulled back to look at him. "Really?"
"Really," he replied. "You'd have full access to the science labs, just like on seaQuest, and they want to know if you're interested in working at the Cape Quest Medical Center."
"You know I am," she replied with a grin. "Of course, I'll have to call Margot and tell her I won't be teaching after all, but I don't think she'll be surprised." She paused. "I don't know how to thank you."
He brought his lips towards hers. "I think you do."
She moved to close the gap. "I'm sorry I thought you were pushing me away."
"I'm sorry it felt like it. I'd never want to hurt you."
"It's forgiven." She laid her head against his shoulder. "I suppose when we get back, we should tell Lucas the good news."
"Perhaps we could save that for the morning." He whispered something in her ear. "It's about time, don't you think?"
She blushed. "Indeed."
