Edward is very uptight.
And, this is not edited. At all. Sorry.
Edward
"Edward, we're going out." In her mind, Alice is going through every single piece of clothing that she owns whilst counting to four-thousand in Swedish. She's hiding something from me.
"Have fun." I rifle again through my old first edition of Darwin's Origin of Species. I've already read it a hundred times, but I still find the way the old man writes fascinating.
"No, Edward. You're coming with us." I close the book and look up at her. She knows how I despise pretending to be human, whether it be at the movies, in the park, or even in the grocery store. I hate pretending to be something that we're not. And that's human.
"Where?"
"To the cantina of course!" she exclaims and I raise my eyebrows at her. Well, this is new. We've been to nightclubs, bars, and even a strip club once, but never to a cantina.
She does a little twirl and lets a little "Arriba!" I roll my eyes. There's no way I'm going with them to a cantina. It smells putrid, the humans' hormones will be raging from the sensual atmosphere, not to mention the abuse the human bowel takes from all that cumin. Not a chance.
"Yeah, I don't think so." Now she's mentally counting backwards in Swedish.
"Come on Edward, you're going to love it, trust me!" she exclaims, and she has that little twinkle in her eye that she gets when she's hiding something from me.
"No."
"Please!"
"No."
Alice storms off, mumbling profanities under her breath. I shake my head and get back to reading about evolution.
A short while later, Emmett saunters in and plops himself down on the couch in the corner. His clothes are filthy and I gather from his thoughts that he's just returned from a wrestling match with Jasper.
"Sup, Ed."
"Hello." I don't even look up.
"Sooooo."
I don't reply.
"You're coming to the cantina with all of us later, aren't you?" I grit my teeth. Alice clearly put him up to this.
"No, I'm going to stay here and do something productive."
"C'mon, man." Emmett takes the book out of my hand and I lean back and cross my arms. What will it take for them to get it through their thick skulls. I. Am. Not. Going.
"Emmett…"
"We're gonna find you a woman!" I cock my eyebrow at this, because his statement is laughable. A woman? Interesting. Would any woman want to date a man who could break her with his pink finger and his eyes closed? No. Been there, done that.
Before I can reply, though, Rosalie storms in and grabs Emmett by the ear, forcefully tugging him out of the room.
I get back to my reading.
I'm a three-quarters of the way through Darwin when Carlisle lets himself into my room. I clench my teeth because I just know what's coming. Alice has brought in the big guns to get me to go out with them tonight.
"Darwin again?" Carlisle asks casually, seating himself at the windowsill. I decide to cut to the chase so I can get back to my reading as soon as possible.
"I'm not coming out with you all tonight."
Carlisle scowls at me before leaving the room.
"Edward?"
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
I close my book a bit louder than necessary and place it on the desk in front of me. I slowly turn in my chair to see Esme standing behind me with an innocent look on her face. Too innocent.
"Hello." I say, because I know what's coming.
"How're you today, darling?" She pats my hair in a maternal fashion, and I wish she'd just cut to the chase because I can feel my resolve dwindling. I've always had a hard time saying 'no' to Esme and Alice knows this. I should've known she'd use it to her advantage.
"Fine, thank you." My voice is strained.
"It's a shame you can't do anything about this hair of yours. It's always so messy," she comments, futily attempting to pat it down.
Damn you Esme.
"Yes," I agree, and now I'm defeated. And she knows it.
"Edward?"
"Hm?"
"I'd really love it if you came out to the cantina with us tonight," she says and I hang my head because, alas, I've lost.
"Sure, Esme. Sure."
Have you ever been to a cantina?
