AU In which Nick doesn't kiss Jess at the end of 'Cooler' and she is still with Sam.
Set just after 'Chicago' episode as I still believe the emotions between the two still could be like that! Even as friends who have not kissed :)
Nick contemplates his life decisions and his feelings with Jess after his father passes away.
Contains some references to some episodes in S1 and S2.
I do not own anything unfortunately.
Give me love like hers, 'cause lately I've been waking up alone,
Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt, Told you I'd let them go,
And that I'll fight my corner, Maybe tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood turns into alcohol, No I just wanna hold ya.
Give a little time to me, or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
And all I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love.
Four letters. It all comes down to those same four sweet letters that swirl around his mind all the time. The same four letters that puts a smile on his face and cheers him up, yet send him into deep concentration and frustration. Those damn four letters.
Jess.
Every time he wakes up from yet another dream of her, whether its another romantic or erotic dream of her he begins to think of his life. Of how he sucked at it badly. It doesn't matter what aspect of his life he thought about he failed every time; his education, his job prospects and his love life.
Nick didn't really know why he decided to drop out of law school. Maybe it was the pressure crashing down suffocating him or the stuck up rich kids who didn't have to work hard to pass because mummy and daddy can take care of them financially. What ever the reason that made him wake up one day and leave campus was still filling him with regret. That was until he met Julia. Being in a relationship with a lawyer; who never had time to give him. Seeing her stress over clients and being emotionally closed off made him think dropping out was a good idea. Nick knew for certain being a lawyer would not have made him happy at all.
But being a bartender makes Nick happy. He loves listening to stories from the patrons who he's served since dropping out of college, he loves working around alcohol and mixing drinks, he loves that he can talk to his friends that drop by for a drink and he loves that the job is easy and simple. What he doesn't love about being a bartender though is that he is just a bartender with no goals and prospects. No wonder his love life sucked. Who deserved to date and be in a relationship with just a broke bartender? Well defiantly not Caroline. Him just being a bartender was enough to destroy their relationship. The constant arguments and her putting him down for his job situation eventually crumbled their rocky relationship that he fought hard to keep. Angie accepted his job, but only because she had no reason to criticise him while she was a stripper. After all the crazy alcohol fuelled dating and he decided to open himself to the chance of a real relationship, she was the one to run. He wasn't in love with Angie, yet it still hurt him at the thought of losing that hope he could have been. So he drowned out the pain of his hopeless life and closed himself off again. Maybe he was destined to be alone.
Then why did Jess give him hope. Hope of love. Hope of being loved.
Was it the way in which he had to watch her be in a relationship with Sam?. Watch her go on dates and take care of the doctor and oozing love into the loft. No, Nick has been feeling this for way longer than Sam has been on the scene. It must have been the way she takes care of everyone. Making sure Winston has stocked up on light bulbs for his lamp; because he is not afraid of the dark or how she picks up Schmidt favorite moisturiser when on offer simply because she was already in the shop. It was defiantly the way she always took care of Nick. Even when he refuses her help and tells her to leave him alone, it is the constant unconditional care she gave to him especially made him believe in love. She always made his breakfast, 'accidently' put a few of his clothes in the wash with hers, reminded him to change his toothbrush and how she just jumped in and took care of him when his father passed away recently. She didn't have to come to Chicago with them. He told her many times but she refused to budge. She wanted to be there for him whether he liked it or not. Even stayed by his side and held his hand when he spoke the eulogy. But the look in her eyes when she held his eyes was full of love and it was this look she gave him a few times gave him hope. It was the same look she gave him when he decided to leave the loft to move in with Caroline. The same look as she said she would be okay without him, because of him. It was this look that made him want to jump out of his lonely bed and man up. Tell her how he feels. Make her his.
He has already admitted his feeling for her. First he thought it was attraction. He was getting over Caroline and this pretty brunette whirled her way into his life. But it wasn't long before the attraction went deeper. It was around the time he had his cancer scare that he accepted he had some feelings for his pretty roommate. He thought nothing of them, maybe a childish crush that will pass and he needed to date someone to distract him. It wasn't until he couldn't move out of the loft and start a new life with Caroline because the thought of not seeing Jess hurt. Really hurt. The thought of not being able to brush pass her and innocently touch her did he finally give in and truly admit that he was in love with her.
Then he remembers that Jess is with perfect doctor Sam. This is what stops him at first.
Once he has a few drinks he starts to get into the spiral of what ifs. What if they were meant to be together, what if the two of them had been playing the stupid game of relationship ping pong, what if she has the same feeling for him as he had for her, what if Sam was a distraction, What if she doesn't have any idea of how she meant to him and what if Jess wanted Nick to man up. Maybe he should throw caution to the wind and jump in the arena and fight against Sam. Take his chance at love. With Jess.
It was dangerous enough to have these thoughts after a few bottles, but what was worse is that he now starts to have these thoughts sober. Like now for instance. Just woke up stone, cold sober and alone.
This is the push that makes him go for it. Go and get Jess. The woman who he has not been able to push out of his mind and heart. The one person he has had a deep connection with. The one.
That same person who has just barged her way into the loft with CeCe giggling and chatting. Maybe if he could get her on her own and talk to her. Tell her how he feels and leave the ball in her court. It wouldn't be hard to separate her from CeCe, she has a sixth sense about stuff like this and has hinted a few times to Nick that she knows how much he likes Jess. At least she wasn't here with Sam.
With his mind made up he jumps out of bed and gets dressed. As he walks into the main living area he notices her first. Big bright blue eyes, long raven curls, sweet colourful dress. Always full of sunshine. He walks towards her smiling. A man on a mission and he stops dead in his tracks when he sees it. Smile fades and the 'turtle face' makes an appearance. CeCe turned to look at him and notices the hurt in his eyes before Jess turns to see him. He cant stop staring as his mind is jumbled and spinning. His heart breaking. He cant believe he built himself up to be knocked back down. He didn't realise he could be so wrong. He can hear noise coming from their direction yet he cant seem to look away from it. To look at her. He just turned around and walked out of the loft with the image burned into his mind. Another four letters swirl around his mind.
Ring.
An engagement ring. It was too late.
Hi everyone, thought I would try and get this chapter up for you all to read before I go in to have my baby :)
Will update as soon as I can. In the mean time loving these updates and new stories. Xx
