Stupid Boy
Disclaimer: HP belongs to Jo and her boys. 'Stupid Boy' belongs to Keith Urban, that sexy man. I just own the sadness.
He watched her walk out with a frown on his face.
His brow furrowed deep as her suitcase scraped across the floor, her body oddly tilted at the weight of it.
His chest pulled, and his mind went blank.
She was leaving.
As she moved her things across the apartment, he thought back, silently, to the day that he met her, to the day that their relationship blossomed.
It was the day of his graduation. He remembered standing on the stage, in black robes with the knot of his school tie sticking out, choking him. The war was beginning, and he was confused. None of his family attended his last day of school. He had stood on the stage, alone, while everyone's mothers and fathers cried as their children walked; he took those few steps, following many much nicer students. When they called his name, she stood up and clapped.
Her parents were appalled, standing next to her. Her brother, standing further down the stage, turned a bright burgundy color, clutching Harry Potter's arm in a death grip.
Dumbledore had smiled That Smile and handed him his diploma, which only made her clap harder. When he had crossed the stage and turned back to the crowd, she was still standing, moving to the end of the row. With eager eyes, everyone watched as she ascended the steps in the warm May air and placed her hands on either side of his face, pressing warm lips against his. Following that act of rebellion, she had descended the steps again, grabbed her purse, and set off across the yard, took the trail around the lake, and went back into the castle until the graduation was over.
The year passed, and he woke every day thinking of that kiss. He thought of how cold her hands were against his cheeks, and how warm her lips were against his. When the war reached its climax point and there was a decline, it was those lips that kept him fighting to live, fighting everything he knew.
On the day of her graduation, he sat in the back. When she walked across the stage to get her diploma, he met her at the other side, and when she smiled that little smile, he thrust his hands into her scarlet curls and met her mouth with his, both of them grinning uncontrollably, unable to comprehend what was happening.
Out in the audience, her mother had laughed. Stupid boy.
This was the girl he had come to love. This was the woman he had laid his life down and fought for; this was the woman he had abandoned all rational thought to be with. She was the one that he woke to in the morning, and she was the last image in his mind at night.
She was graceful and beautiful, fragile and amazing. She always listened, and even when her backbone stuck up straight and she gave him that evil eye, he always managed to melt her, somehow.
They were together for a year when she became pregnant. He was amazed, dazed, and confused when she gave him the news: this would tie them together, forever. She had sat on her bed and cried, her eyes swollen and red, her face wet with tears.
It would end her life, this being. It would take away all her ambition.
It was all his fault.
She was depending on him to stay there. She was depending on him to be The One, The Father, The Dad. She had dreams to get married, to live a wonderful life and raise this beautiful child.
He had sat on the edge of their bed in the middle of the night, choking on his sobs.
He couldn't do this. It was too much. He wasn't raised to be a father so young - he still had two or three more years to discover and love and grow. He wasn't ready to grow up yet. He wasn't ready to father some kid's life; sure, he had the money, but he didn't have the passion for it. She was his first real taste of love. He wasn't sure if he could give it to someone else, as well.
He felt guilty for taking her life away from her, like this. She had so many dreams - she wanted to travel the world and do incredible things. She wanted to heal people and write books and see Muggle movies, and he had to be the one that sat her down and said, "No."
She always listened, even through her mood swings and downfalls. He was always right, to her, and she was always in the wrong. She never fought with him.
She grew and grew as the months passed, and he panicked more than he had ever had. He left in the middle of the night to see Blaise, and disappeared at odd times during the day because he couldn't stand those looks she would give him.
It was when he was too afraid to come back for a week that she made her decision.
The day he came back, she was folding blouses and baby jumpers, stacking them neatly in a wide black suitcase.
She smoothed down the piles, lips pursed calmly as he stood there, and continued with her packing, each item seemingly designated to a specific place.
"I love you," she said, straightening a pair of baby socks, nestling them next to hers. "I always will. I just want you to know that."
He didn't say a word as he watched her take items off the bed and fold them, placing them neatly in the bag. As calm as her words were, her hands were shaking.
"You aren't ready. Neither am I, but I don't have the heart to force you into something you don't want. You're too young for a child. I am, too, but I guess that's what mothers have to do, right? They have to make sacrifices, even early. Just like I have to sacrifice my life, and my love to carry on."
He felt his tears break his normally calm exterior, and she looked up at him and sighed, but didn't make a move to come near him.
"I don't want sympathy money. I don't want to be the charity case, because you and I both know that's how I was raised. Too poor and too proud. I can make a living on my own. I can raise this baby. It's all I have; it's all I will ever have," she murmured, running her hands over her stomach. His own hands were shaking, itching to grab her, but he made no move to do so.
"Ginny," he said, quietly, and his face screwed up in guilty tears. She shook her head.
"Don't be upset, Draco. I guess I was raised to be screwed over like this," she whispered, and then gave a short, mirthless laugh. "We both knew it, too."
At last, she snapped the suitcase closed, and levitated the two trunks of her belongings. She peered out the window; the Knight Bus idled at the curb. She didn't know how safe her journey would be, but she knew that she had to get away, so if this was the way to do it, then… that's what she was going to do.
As she dragged her suitcase across the bedroom floor, she stopped before him.
"You know I'll always love you. I'll always remember my graduation, because of you. And I'll always miss you."
She ran her hand down his cheek, her fingertips stopping at his jawbone. She leaned up, as much as she could with the baby between them, and pressed her lips to his. He kissed back, eagerly, in hopes to make her stay, to calm his roiling grief, but she gently pushed him away with her hands, shaking her head.
"This is our goodbye," she said.
When the door closed, he fell to his knees with his head in his hands.
She was gone. She had left him.
He had put her up to it, and she had finally grown a spine.
He had let her go.
As the Bus pulled away, with his love and his child aboard it, he cried into shaking palms, his mind reeling in an all-too-empty apartment. He could hear his mother's voice in his head.
Stupid boy.
Well, she was precious like a flower
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different
Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
Stupid boy, stupid boy
Oh
So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy
Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive
Yeah, yeah
Well, she let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
Yes, ya did
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old
Same old stupid boy
It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long gone
Long gone, long gone
Ah, she's gone
Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me
And she loved me, she loved me
God please, just let her know
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees
She's never coming back to me
