Disclaimer: River? Mine? I wish. Joss Whedon owns all.
Pressure
At first, it had only been about the information. Water equals two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen. The names of all the Parliament members, their wives, their children, their home planets. The death rate of the Rim population per year.
That was what defined the universe.
Then she discovered logic, and used it to piece all her knowledge together. With logic, she could pick apart actions, beliefs, thoughts, and uncover the reasoning behind them. If information gave root to emotion, then emotion could be explained, and so could the actions based upon them.
"We meddle, and we haven't the right."
Logic.
And she wanted to learn, thirsting for the facts and figures that were the basis for life in her universe. She wanted to explain the why of everything, just to prove she could.
It wasn't that she didn't feel, or didn't care. She was human, after all. A girl. But she was, at heart, a daughter of the Core. She could sit in her classroom and coolly astound teachers and students alike with her brilliance and never once feel the impact of the knowledge she imparted. She knew, she knew all the facts and all the statistics, but they didn't touch her, because she was the exception, so special, excused from every rule. Safe in her world, with her needle-sharp mind that could learn everything, she took gleeful pleasure in watching the awe on the faces of her parents, her teachers, even her beloved brother. She could do anything, learn anything, and she would learn all there was to know.
So she left, as logic told her to do. Went to where the knowledge was.
After they had drilled inside her skull, leaving crusts of drying blood on her scalp, she knew better. After they had cut open her brain and reduced her precious logic to shreds, she knew. After they had taught her feet to strike and her fists to crush, she—
Knew voices around her, all the time, waking, sleeping, feeling. Drowning her in a tide of emotion. Facts were there. Logic was there. But it didn't matter, mattered little not so much not enough, because it only took a pound of pressure to pierce human flesh, and flesh was pierced, skewered, burned, ripped every day and she could her each scream and feel each voice silenced—
Tears down her cheeks that shouldn't have been hers. Great ravenous holes of loss carried around inside every chest. Willows wept; could all trees cry? Raucous laughter of a drunken soul spilled from her own dry lips. Desert oases shriveled in disappointment; rain wasn't their friend anymore. Desire, hatred, joy, despair, she was swamped, steeped in feeling. Couldn't explain, couldn't rationalize. Facts applied, but there were no constants in her equations, the value of x was undefined...
Goals achieved. Game won. She knew all there was to know. Stupid little Core-child destroyed, safeness wrecked, no longer untouchable. All there was, and she was mad with it.
She smiled.
fin
A/N: Thanks for reading. Reviews appreciated.
