Steve's POV

It was a cold night. I feel the last of the icy wind against my neck as I step into the Curtis' house.

"Hey Stevie!" Soda says with his usual grin. I reckon his face will be permanently stuck in that go-lucky grin of his if he keeps this up. Why is he always so damn happy? The world isn't all that great, after all.

"Hey." I say, still freezing. Ms.Curtis brings us hot chocolate to warm us up.

"It sure is cold out there! This should help warm you up." Ms.Curtis says kindly.

"Thank you, Mrs.Curtis." Johnny says shivering. He doesn't have a jacket. Mr.Curtis comes in with several blankets and wraps one around Johnny.

"We're going to be out for the night but we'll be back when y'all are asleep. You guys can sleep over if you want. Darry, make sure they stay out of trouble and stay warm. There's some dinner on the table when you want it."

"Ok dad!" Ponyboy says giving him a hug.

I sure hate that tag along kid. Ponyboy always makes it hard to function. I don't know why. I figure it's because I hate him so so much. He's real annoying.

"Have fun!" Ms.Curtis says as they leave.

Dallas pulls out a weed and lights it, taking a long drag. Two-Bit is drunk again.

"Are y'all just gonna sit here all night?" Dally says.

"Nope!" Soda replies, cheery as usual. "Let's play a game or somethin'!"

Darry sits down setting a bowl of popcorn on the floor.

"We could play truth or dare? Or somethin' I dunno." I suggest.

"Lame." Dally says taking a drag. I just roll my eyes. People are so annoying.

"Oh there's this game that kids at school were talking about! They played it at some party. What's it called again, Pony?" Johnny announces. What is it this time ugh. Pony's green eyes glisten. I'm in awe for some reason. He scratches his red-brown hair. Quit it, Steve! You hate this stupid Tag along kid so shut your mental trap! Why would I even think about that little shitbag? I get real lost in my thoughts until an irritating voice gets my attention.

"Oh yeah! You mean spin the bottle?" Pony answers. Why can't he just shut the fuck up and get the hell outta my life!

"Do y'all even know what that is?" I ask. They both shake their heads "no".

"Idiots." I sigh. Soda elbows me and I quickly get the message.

"Well," Two-Bit starts to explain, "ya take a bottle. Then you spin it. Who ever it lands on you have to suck face with."

"You sure you wanna do that?" Soda asks.

"I mean we are all guys." Darry says. "But we still can." He adds.

"Why not?" Says Dally, "Are ya scared or somethin'?"

"Me? Scared? Nah never!" Two-Bit says waving his beer. Darry laughs.

"But...w-what if someone actually l-likes kissing whoever they kiss?" Johnny almost whispers he's so quiet.

"Then who cares?" Dally says. I think Ponyboy looks a little worried. He's staring intently at Johnny with concern. I wonder why. Again. Stop staring at the little ass, Steve...—I mean...why am I like this?

"Ok then." Pony says.

"Let's do this! Ok so rules are you have to be blindfolded while spinning the bottle, don't talk when the bottle comes to you, no chickening out, and kiss lasts at least ten seconds—standard rules." Darry adds.

Two-Bit takes his newly empty beer bottle. "Who wants to go first?" He says raising the bottle. When no one raises their hand he sighs. "I guess I'll go 'cause y'all ain't got no guts!" He says drunkenly. He takes a sip of his new beer. Darry runs and grabs a scarf to use as a blindfold. We tie it around his face, laughing. This sure will be an odd experience. Good thing I'm not gay or any shit. At least...no. Two-Bit gets ready to spin the bottle.

"One if you is about to experience the Keith Mathews Kiss! Who's the lucky guy?" He spins the bottle and it rolls into Darry. Darry flinches. We all laugh. He takes a deep breath and sucks it up. They kiss. I feel something weird churn in my stomach. I can see Darry's eyes relax as their lips move.

"Ew!" Soda whispers in my ear as they kiss. I keep watching. Eventually they break away and Two-Bit takes off the blindfold to see a smiling Darry blushing hard. Darry, embarrassed, moves back to his place in the circle. Next Soda goes. At first the bottle spins into the wall, so we make him try again after forcing him to kiss the wall. This time, it lands on Ponyboy and we all start laughing real hard.

"Oh man!" Two-Bit says before being elbowed. Ponyboy looks way nervous. After all, he is kissing his brother. He deserves it. As my enemy kisses my best friend I feel this strange pang of anger rising in my chest. Angry at Ponyboy for going and kissing someone. I put my head in my hands feeling so confused and desperate. Why do I care about this? It shouldn't matter. I hate the kid...don't I? Wait a minute...could I...? No! I can't! I'm not some queer! I can't love Pony. I can't! I can't...but I do, don't I. This kiss is finally over. Pony starts coughing, clearly grossed out by kissing his brother. Phew he didn't like it. Soda undoes the blindfold and makes a face knowing he kissed his brother.

"EW! Pony please tell me you don't like me like that!" Soda exclaims.

"Hell no! Of course not!" Pony answers.

It's Darry's turn. His bottle hits Johnny. Soda and I start laughing. Johnny looks horrified. He kissed him though. Darry makes a little bit of a face. It's over. We all laugh. Next it's Dally's turn.

Dally's POV

I can't believe I agreed to this, man. I'm scared because I really love Johnny, but only Ponyboy knows. I might end up landing the bottle on Johnny, but I'd have to hide my love for kissing him. But I'd hate kissing anyone else in the gang. I could just not hide it. The gang would know. Oh well. There really is no solution. I guess we'll just see what happens.

Steve's POV

Dally spins the bottle and it's lands on—of all people—Johnny. Johnny's cheeks turn bright red. Let's hope Dally won't skin him for this. Johnny kisses him. Dally has a pained expression at first, but then pleasure overtakes his face and Dally pulls Johnny closer and plunges his tongue in. Eventually we break them apart. I laugh.

"Someone's been holding back!" Two-Bit remarks.

"I will kill you Keith. Don't you try me. So shut your trap." Dally responds holding him by his shirt collar.

"Quit it guys." Darry intervenes. Dally releases him and glares at Darry. Darry puts his hands up as if he were surrendering.

"Don't look at me. I wasn't the one who kissed you." Darry says in defense. Dally glares some more but settles down eventually. I can't help watching Ponyboy study everyone's faces. His green, glistening eyes—so intense and beautiful. Johnny spins and lands on Ponyboy. I feel real jealous. They aren't enjoying it or nothing, it just makes me real angry. Pony spins and it lands on Darry! We crack up because Darry would never kiss Ponyboy in a million years. They are clearly grossed out by kissing each other. Phew. It's my turn, now. I spin the bottle and here laughter.

"Ya hate each other!" I don't hear Two-Bit say. I hear someone take a deep breath and before I know it, lips are on mine. Kissing me gently. Whoever this is, I need them... so I pull them closer without thinking. I hear hysterical laughing, probably Two-Bit. I keep kissing whoever this is. Could it be…? I break away to find the most annoying tag along staring at me confused. I can see the confusion and passion swirled in his glowing green eyes. I shove him off me, feeling tears sting my eyes. I refuse to let them fall.

"Ok...my brother and best friend just kissed each other. That ain't weird at all!" Soda says. I blush. We all go to the table and eat some dinner. On a napkin I scribble a note to Ponyboy 'cause the kid is driving me crazy!

'We need to talk. Let's talk when everyone is asleep. We need to figure some stuff out.' Reads the napkin.

I pass it to Pony under the table. He nods. I let out a sigh of relief. I'm in my own world as everyone laughs and eats. I fancy a thirteen year old tag along. What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Me! This makes no sense. I hate this. I'm not feeling too hot. I completely forget the gang is watching until Two-Bit throws food in Dally's face and Dally throws a chair! I'm immediately startled out of my thoughts. Soda and Darry each grab one of the boys as Dally's about to kill Two-Bit. What an interesting friend group. Two-Bit has a fresh black eye and is limping slightly—Dally sure is real hard to control—so we decide to watch a movie. The movie isn't tuff or anything in my opinion, but Pony loves it. After all, it does have Paul Newman in it. Two-Bit sure is gettin' beaten up tonight. Let's just say he dumped popcorn on my face. I—of course—jumped up and tackled him off the couch. So now he's sitting around—not looking too hot—with ice packs all over. It's hilarious. Eventually we lay out blankets and everyone falls asleep. We'll ever except for me and Ponyboy. I clumsily walk over to him and guide him to the hallway so we can talk. I'm real nervous 'bout this. What if he felt nothing? I sigh.

"What the hell was that?" Pony says in a harsh whisper, not wanting to wake anyone up.

"I-I spun the bottle. I've liked you for awhile now and I liked the kiss. A lot. It made sense that it was you. I know it's weird."

"You don't have to kiss me to show you like me, most people just hang out." Pony jokes. I roll my eyes in response.

"You know that's not what I mean."

"But you hate me!"

"I wish that was all I felt towards you. I real do, but I hate you 'cause ya make me feel so...weird. I can't think or know what to say around you, I'm awkward, I embarrass myself. I don't want to do that. I hate you 'cause no one else makes me this way. I'm supposed to like girls, not my best friend's kid brother! I hate you 'cause you won't let me be normal. I can't be around you easily." I attempt to explain.

"I-I don't know what to say. It's all confusing."

"Then don't."

"Wha-"

"Shut your trap and allow me." I kiss him. He slowly starts to kiss back. My heart starts thumping in my chest needing more of him, so I pull him closer.

"You make me crazy, kid." I tell him.

"Just shut up and kiss me some more." He says.

"Gladly…" I reply. I kiss him some more.

"Ok goodnight. Get some sleep." He tells me. We go back to our blankets and fall asleep. I just kissed Ponyboy… I drift off to sleep.

Ok that didn't really happen. I wish that's how it went. I really do. Here's what really happened. *sigh*

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Ponyboy yells in a hushed whisper.

"Wow you're more stupid than I thought."—wrong thing to say—

"Exactly my point!" Pony says exasperatedly.

"Look I'm sorry. I just have trouble functioning around you! I can never say the right thing—so I say the absolute wrong thing. I hate you because you make me absolutely nuts! I can't stop staring at ya, thinking 'bout you— can't say anything normally or react normally—it's humiliating! Believe me, I wish I didn't like you."

"But you hate me! You're an ass towards me! It's what you do!"

"I HATE YOU 'CAUSE THE LAST THING I WANNA BE IS A FAG WHO'S IN LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND'S BROTHER! You are my problem. I hate you because I love you."—Also exact wrong thing to say—I wish I were good with words.

"I'm sorry, Steve...but I don't feel that way about you. I'm really sorry. You'll find someone else."

"Please. I'll never find anyone, and you know it. This is Tulsa, where everyone is straight, or if you're a rainbow flag you pretend to be straight. Hell it's dangerous to be out here. I'll never find anyone or be happy if I'm like...this." I feel heavy tears in my eyes. I don't wanna cry in front of Ponyboy. But I do anyway—just a little—and wipe the tears away quickly. Why do I have to be this? Why can't I just be straight? It's not fair. I disgust myself. I hate this. Maybe I'm not really gay. I sure can try to not be.

"I'm truly sorry, Stevie. You have to find someone someday."

"I'll find some broad to make me happy someday."

"It doesn't have to be a broad."

"Please who are we fooling? I ain't got no chance if I date guys. We both know it."

"We'll get some rest. I'm truly sorry."

"Eh it's whatever."

Pony hugs me but I want to get out from under him as soon as possible. I can't do this.

"G'night."

"'Night."

I go back to my blankets. I lie down and start crying into my pillow. I can't be this. I'm disgusted by me being this. Maybe I'm not. I hate this. No one will ever love me. Soda wakes up.

"Are you alright, Stevie?" Soda worries. I cry harder feeling so sad.

"Oh Steve. It's ok. Shhhhh. I've got you. It's ok. Shhhh. Yeah I've got you." Soda consoles me. He holds me in his arms and I start feeling a little better. Maybe it won't be so bad after all. I shudder and stop crying. I snuggle up to him and fall asleep in his arms. I feel safe. I wake up briefly and look around to see Dally spooning Johnny! It's really sweet. I fall back asleep, still in Sodapop's arms.