1
A billowy white scene. An alarm clock BLARES. The lovely sleeping face of Ianto Jones rolls into sight.
Then out of it. Alarm keeps blasting. Back he comes, pulling the sheets over his head. Motionless now, as we hear... the DEAFENING SILENCE of the alarm shutting off. A beat.
Ianto sits bolt upright. Leaps out of the room. From the back we see that he's dressed only in a pair of socks.
he makes it halfway down the hall, does a U TURN back into the bedroom, frantically yanks a robe hanging from the door, taking the wall hook with him. he FLINGS his robe on as he runs down the hall, wall hook stivjinh out of the back.
Bursting into Owen's room he shouts "Owen! You overslept again damn it!"
The room looks like a 6 (but I'm almost 7) year old exploded. Posters of magicians on all the walls. Ianto darts about the room mismatching the clothes Ianto forgot to arrange the night before.
"Get Up Get Up Get Up!" The lump under the cover doesn't move. "Owen you're late. I'm serious. I'm wearing a very serious face. Don't make me start counting ONE..."
No movement. Ianto tugs the sleeve of a shirt hanging on a chair, and out comes a magician's bouquet of flowers "TWO."
He pulls a dirty handkerchief out of the pocket of the shirt -it's an endless handkerchief.
"Don't make me say three I'm about to say three." a beat, then "Three!"
he RIPS the covers off and a blow-up dinosaur sleeps in Owen's place. "Owen I'm not kidding around. You make yourself appear this instant!"
A white rabbit saunters across his toes. Ianto screams – then gathers his wits and searches under the bed - under the bureau - he opens the closet doors and shoving clothes aside.
"You might think this is funny but this is actually NOT funny."
Unseen by Ianto, six-year-old Owen sits, perched on the highest closet shelf, knees under his chin, holding his breath. His eyes gleeful as Ianto frantically closes the closet door.
Ianto hops over the Bunny, navigates through strewn toys and books stubbing his baby toe. he limps in agony past a big picture of the kids with their daddy and heads towards a door with a KEEP OUT EVERYONE! sign.
Bellowing, he slams into the room "TOSHIKO! WAKE UP!"
Toshiko, 10 years old, sits on the edge of her bed, fuming, all of her limbs crossed. She holds up a filthy purple tee shirt. "You forgot to wash my purple shirt. I told you a hundred times it was Purple Day at school today."
"I didn't forget. I was up all night thinking about it and I concluded you're too special to look like everyone else." he grabs an orangey red tee shirt "Orange Red. That's your colour. Few can carry it off. Now please. Help me find your brother."
"You lost Owen?!"
"Of course not. Does he look lost to you?" big breath "OWENNNNN!"
.
.
.
.
Ianto, smoking a cigarette and drinking a diet coke, flings open pantry doors, closet doors - looking for Owen - attempting to put stone hard butter on toast at the same time. He glances at the clock - 7:55. Oh dear. Toshiko sits at the table, in a grumpy orangey red mood. Ianto hands her what was once a piece of toast.
"No. I told you. I like apple butter not butter butter." She pouts.
Ianto hands her an apple "Here."
"Never mind. I'll just eat my lunch."
Ianto forgot and tries to hide it "I'm almost done making it."
to the non-existent Owen Ianto speaks like he is there next to him listening "Alright Owen - you deal with the tardy, you write yourself a note, your daddy told you he had an important case this morning and he had to leave early and we were AAAAGGGGHHHH!"
He has opened a cupboard with a Lazy Susan that turns revealing
Owen sitting there. Ianto screams again "Oh my God. That is so not funny. You're late. You're really late. Now get out here and have some cereal."
"No."
"Fine! Eat in the cupboard."
He hands him a bowl of sugared cereal - puts two spoonfuls of instant coffee in Barney cup, and sticks it under the faucet.
"No! Cocoa Puffs on Top - Fruit Loops on the bottom." Owen roars with indignation.
"Fine." Ianto grabs the bowl, turns it UPSIDE DOWN on the table reversing the order of the cereal. He sweeps it back in the bowl and quickly hands it back to him, the phone rings constantly...
"You touched it."
"Then have a donut"
"No."
"Alright starve."
"I'm gonna beep daddy at work" Toshiko huffs reaching for the phone.
"He's badgering a witness. Eat." Ianto snatches the still ringing phone from her.
"But you told us to starve." Owen points out.
Picking up the phone, Ianto glares at them then says pleasantly "Hello?... Duncan... The Ad Agency's already there?... I'm out the door..."
Owen flings a fruit loop at him "Owen! Knock it off!"
Then Ianto purrs into the phone "It's gonna go beautifully..."
Another fruit loop
"Damn it Owen"
Ianto runs around absentmindedly loading out leftover pizza, Hoho's, and Chips. She glances at the clock again - 8:00.
"You swore. You owe me a quarter." Toshiko crows "Did you remember my egg carton? I told you I needed my egg carton for seed planting today."
"Absolutely Duncan I'm on top of everything." Ianto takes the eggs from the fridge, and dumps them – accidentally missing the sink. They shatter onto the floor. he hands the empty carton to Toshiko. "EGGzactly. I'm putting on my coat"
He hangs up, panicked "We are late. We are seriously late. Which means Mister Owen we've got to get you dressed"
"No!"
Owen races away but Ianto lunges And catches him. He wiggles in Ianto's arms as he struggles to change his clothes. Just as he gets his bottoms off he drops his clothes in the pile of gooey eggs when we hear a loud knocking at the kitchen door. Holding a half naked Owen in his arms, Ianto looks up at... Gwen Cooper. An immaculately dressed, intimidatingly intelligent, utterly beautiful woman staring at him with extreme disapproval.
"Mommy!"
Toshiko and Owen race into their mother's arms like little angels.
Gwen shoots a fiercely protective glare at Ianto. They lock eyes. Enough wattage to light up all of Manhattan.
Gwen and the kids exit Ianto's building, onto a bustling Soho street. The kids clamber into the double-parked Volvo wagon. Gwen, still pissed, climbs behind the wheel. Drives off.
Gwen drives the children down a tree-lined street in Englewood, New Jersey. Owen is banging Gwen's sunglasses case against the window.
"..it's really not so bad Toshiko – Red and Blue make purple."
"I don't care." yes she does.
"I know you don't, but if you had, chromatically you are in the purple family." Gwen fishes through her purse. Finds a toy airplane for Owen. He
stops banging her glasses case, starts banging the plane.
"Why does Ianto wear Daddy's socks?" Owen asks "And doesn't he have underpants of his own? Nekid!"
"I noticed a whopping pile of laundry sitting on the washer - perhaps Ianto's underpants are in there - Now where are your lunches?"
As if by rote, they hold out their lunches. One is a plastic Vons bag and the other a crumpled Macy's bag. She collects them and hands Owen and Toshiko two brightly coloured lunch bags.
"Toshiko sucked her thumb last night." Owen crows.
"I NEVER do that, you ALWAYS lie!" she snarls and slugs him.
"Never say 'never' - it's not fair to say 'always' - and no name calling." Gwen scolds "Use your words."
"I hate when you say that."
"Thank you. Those were all words. I hate the planet Uranus. Terrible name for a planet." Toshiko and Owen look up at her curiously. She continues "I hate snails and blue cheese. Especially together. Hate."
"I hate lava." Owen offers.
Gwen reflects "Lava's hateable. I never thought of that."
"I hate overly ripe bananas - they make me want to throw up." Toshiko provides.
"Excellent point." Gwen agrees.
"I hate wax lips and red ants and pretzels without salt..." Owen sing-sings.
"I hate the crayon Burnt Sienna and people who spit when they walk." Toshiko snorts.
Gwen nods sagely. Pulls up next to a school playground.
"I hate to say goodbye. Eskimo Kiss." they rub noses "Russian Orthodox Wedding Kiss."
They bump foreheads and elbows. Owen runs toward the kindergarten playground; Gwen watches concerned as Toshiko climbs the steps.
The only orangey red dot in a sea of purple.
