False Self: Confessions of a Teenage Girl
Disclaimer: I am in no way connected to the production of Lizzie McGuire.
Summary: Claire ... Kate's sidekick, but there's more than meets the eye. A look into the vicious "social pyramid" in high school and how even the most innocent (Miranda and Lizzie) can get caught in the trap.
A/N: I absolutely love writing about background and minority characters, so here's another one. Hit me with a review once you've read it. Kisses! -Niki
Prologue
Claire
Popularity. Girls and guys alike spend their whole lives trying to make the cross-over into my world, into the place where everyone loves you and no one questions you. Perfection. That's a requirement for the popular. If you're ugly, fat, too pale, too dark, too natural, or too extreme in any way you're out.
I guess you can say that I was lucky in that sense, born into it. A baby adorned with beautiful gifts and constant words of praise. I was told that I deserved the best, that I was the best. I was loved. Things change.
Not to say that my infamous name drifted away, but rather the soft soul that lay inside. But after you lose all your family in a freak car accident you get use to pretending in order to hide the pain. It makes it harder, but it soothes you at the same time.
Popular, pretty people have no real feelings. We're all just a bunch of plastic Barbie dolls looking to "shit on the little people" on our way to the top. Bull shit. As corny as it sounds, I cried just as much as the next person did when Jack died at the end of Titanic. But, some teeny bopper multi-million blockbuster love story wasn't the worst of my problems. Reality was.
Death is like this big thick poison that lurks around, waiting and stalking you, taking away the people you love. Hardening you and preping you for a world that just doesn't give a damn about your problems.
My foster family tried to understand what I was going through, but how could they? They had no conception of what it was to lose your perfect world, a happy family. My constant sadness and depression became too much for them. I was only nine years old, but even at that tender age I knew what it meant to suffer.
I was sent back to the orphanage, with no known family. That was just a cover. I had plenty of "family" members, but none who cared enough to welcome a withdrawn nine-year-old into their homes.
Then, magically almost, a cousin from my mother's side of the family appeared. I thought my luck had began to change and I was happy for a while. They seemed like nice people, but they weren't my family, a voice told me. I tried to limit my sadness, hold back my pain.
I knew they wouldn't understand. I pretended to be happy and carefree like a child my age should be so they wouldn't send me back. The only thing worse than a fake play family was no family at all.
I knew being "happy" was the only way to survive in this world. Instead of being sad, I lashed out. When I wanted to cry, I screamed. When I wanted to die I made someone else want to die ... and so it began.
Chapter One: These Things I'll Never Say
"What do you think of this shade?" Kate asked, applying a light pink shade of lip gloss to her lips. It looked like all the others to me, but I knew if I wanted to stay on good terms with her, I would hold my tongue. "What about this one?" She had already moved onto the reddish color.
"It would look better one me." I answered, holding it up to my skin and gloating at Kate's glare. Being a black girl in the crew had its advantages. Unlike Kate, my skin color didn't just wear off. I didn't have to spray tan or any of that.
"What are you saying?" Kate challenged as I shrugged holding back a smile that said I knew something she didn't. "Claire..."
I continued the game, looking around the store. My eyes landed on the two girls we hated the most--Lizzie McGuire and Miranda Sanchez. These girls would always want to be us, but would never be.
"Geek alert," I said, smirking. The clueless duo waltzed into the store, apparently in a good mood. This was the exact time for us to strike. When they were in a good mood, it felt good to bring them down ...
I loved knowing that I wasn't the only one who was suffering, but then again their pain only lasted for an instant. Mine burned through my skin and formed boils that wouldn't go away, leaving me with scar tissue upon scar tissue.
"Why do they have to be here?" Kate slipped the both the pink and red lip gloss into her purse without the sales lady noticing. She was too busy greeting her new customers and Kate was too experienced to be caught.
"Fancy meeting you here." I commented as they walked by us. I could tell that they were trying to avoid us. "It's funny how so much trash can find it's way in such a classy mall."
"Oh. H- hi Claire. Hey Kate." Lizzie responded casually as if we were her friends, ignoring my insult. She was so spineless it almost made my burns unnecessary. I could embarrass her without even trying.
"Oh h-h-h- hi guys." Kate mocked her as I started to giggle. Lizzie's face turned red as Ethan began to approach. Perfect timing.
"Leave her alone." Miranda demanded, placing her hands on her hips like she was something. She wasn't nothing and I was about to tell her that when Ethan started talking.
"Come on guys." Ethan began. "We've got better things to do?" He didn't seem sure of his last statement.
"And what are you going to do about it? You're nothing but a freakish loser." Kate got in Miranda's face, completely ignoring Ethan's idiotic comment. He was going to get it later.
"We're not at school." Miranda put her hand on her hip. "You have no power here." Silly girl, I wanted to say, we have power everywhere. But, I let Kate handle this one.
"Sure ... you're right." Kate backed down. Lizzie gave her an odd look.
"We are?"
"Of course we are." Miranda nudged her. We continued walking around the store Kate keeping a close look on the two girls.
"Come on guys." Ethan complained again.
"Look. Go wait outside. Give us five minutes." Kate mumbled. It took less than sixty seconds for Kate's plan to go into action. Lizzie and Miranda were at the check-out counter, still glowing over the fact that they told Kate off. As they waited in line, Kate casually slipped an Aaron Carter CD in Lizzie's bag and a Justin Timberlake T-Shirt in Miranda's.
"That'll show them." I mumbled as soon as we were out of the store.
"Are you ready?" Ethan stood up now joined by Raven, Noah, and Scott.
"Not quite." Kate replied, just as Lizzie and Miranda came out of the store. Moments later, the alarm went off and their bags were being searched. They stared at us accusingly, but my face remained solid and unchanged. "Let's go." She commanded us.
A slight smile of satisfaction spread across my face. The look of horror that crossed Lizzie's face was priceless. That would teach her to stay away ... to stay away from the popularity that she craved.
The same popularity that had torn me away from having them as friends. I shook my head. Friends? In this world, there are no such things as friends. People look after themselves and themselves only. One is the magic number.
Our newest quest complete, we all followed Kate. I kept my distance so not as to get in her way. I had learned by now how to avoid her moods. Chelsea joined our group and we were on our way. People began to stare at us ... we were a sight with four white kids, an Asian girl, and me, the token black chick.
I had learned to ignore it. In this town, people of the same persuasion stayed together. I admit it did feel weird at first, being apart of this . ..group, but certain sacrifices must be made. I rounded the corner as the guys ran into an arcade.
I knew we were going to be delayed for at least an hour, but still I left my cell phone exactly where it was. I knew my parents would worry. Calling them wasn't the cool thing to do. The cool thing would be to just hang out as long as it took. I went to join the guys as the other three girls went to get a manicure.
I walked into Ethan and Scott who were now in a deep discussion about blacks ... whether to call us "the n word" or not. Ethan disapproved of it, Scott wanted to use it, and Noah stayed out of it. He was careful too, just like me. My instants told me to lunge at Scott as soon as he said it, but I knew one wrong move and my position here would be terminated.
Then, what would I have? I was a token. I was the token black girl and I could be easily replaced. Instead of doing what I felt I just nodded and bared it. Noah is the only one that seemed to notice my level of comfort go down. Ethan and Scott didn't care.
This was their world and I just played in it. I had to play by their rules in order to get ahead. As much as it hurt to grin and bear it I did. And, I'm proud of myself for doing it ... for being strong.
(A/N: While reading someone else's Lizzie McGuire story (KT the Shimmer Skank), I was inspired to write this, but I took it a little further. This story has a lot more to offer (including shorter chapters, if that's what you want), but I'm still thinking of angles for the next chapter. I hope you see where I'm getting with this story. . . And review. -NL)
