Hey guys, this is my first BTVS fic and it's been awhile since i watched the show so if you find some mistakes don't hesitate to tell me! Anyway this is going to be fuffy endgame but it might feature other ships before i get to that like one sided dawn/faith; buffy/angel; cordelia/faith and then finally buffy/faith. It also features kennedy/willow; cordelia/dawn; xander/anya.

Hope you enjoy! please R&R?!


I was crying so hard that my head was pounding, like someone just took a sledgehammer and beat the shit out of my brains. I cried and cried as silent screams pierced through the room. Those were the worst, the silent ones were words that could not be spoken, things that should never be remembered. I clawed at my own skin as I felt the ghost of his fingers over my body. I curled myself up even more as I bit into my pillow to muffle the sobs.

I was shaking and every inch of my body was trembling with the force of the heart wrenching shocks my body endured every time his face appeared in front of me. There had been more than one but I the last of them was the worst. He had done the unspeakable thing.

When I finally had turned into a slayer I took it as a sign that my life was going to change. And change it did. My mother finally drank herself almost to death and he finished off what she had started. I came home to find him choking her while he got himself off. The asshole was so busy fucking my mom to death that he never heard me pack the only back pack I had ever owned, took whatever money he had in his wallet and high tailed it out of there.

Things had been better after that when my watcher tried to be the mom I never had but then we had Kakistos and that was that. The rest is history from there on. And now here I was, going through all of it again and I did it willingly. It was a known side effect of the spell Willow had cast. But something had gone wrong, somehow they could see everything I could see. They saw the memories flash before them as I went through the motions. I tried to control my mind as much as I could. I tried to stay clear from the worst of them but I knew I had to do it. I had to face my biggest nightmare and remember where exactly I was from, what my family looked like or I could remember. I needed them, blood relatives. Why you ask?

I had gotten sick, just normal human sickness and Willow couldn't cure it this time. No spells can heal human organs and I needed a donor. The thing was that it had to match. I needed a kidney and I needed one fast. They had all got themselves tested, the entire Scoobygang. Even Angel and his team did what they could but no match was found. I had given up then but Dawn had brought up the word family and they pushed me until I caved and told them I had erased those memories. I had used a spell to wipe them away but since I was no witch there was a slight problem. Willow had found that they weren't really gone, more like locked up. So she said she could reverse the spell and let them out again. I knew what it could do to me, what it had made me do without even being fully remembered. The memories my body had and the current nightmares had driven me mad once before, I was sure this time it would be the same. I tried to warn them but they said Willow had figured out a way so that they could be there with me as I went through it all. I don't think I understood that they really meant actually being there, seeing those memories.

I heard them gasp several times, I had even heard Dawn scream occasionally and Xander was sobbing full on. I could hear their intakes of breath, I could feel the tension in the air and the atmosphere shifting around us. It went from shocked to angry to downright horrified.

I went through the worst of the worst. There was just no telling what memory would be thrown at me next. I had no choice in which ones I wanted to call upon anymore. And they saw it all. They saw how her first boyfriend pinned me to a wall as he burned the back of my neck with his cigarettes. They saw how I scrubbed and scrubbed until my skin was raw, they saw all the bruises and the scars I had in ten different moments where I stood in front of our broken mirror checking the damage. They saw how I had to steal food to survive, they saw me and my mome getting evicted and evicted over and over again. They saw me trying to run away but always going back home, not being able to live with the guilt of leaving my mommy all alone. They saw how her second boyfriend threw a bottle at my head and I had to be taken to the hospital. I couldn't stop the memories coming back from the times when I had found my mom almost dead on the couch because of the drinking or the drugs, or both. I think we had at least a dozen different memories where I was dialing the cops or the ambulance. They saw me getting placed into the system and ending up with parents who beat the shit out of me and used me as the maid. They saw me run away again, back to the last apartment we had lived before they took me away. Luckily she still lived there.

When we started the memory of the first time I was raped I did all I could to move on, to save them from it but it was no avail. They saw it all. I heard Kennedy telling Dawn to shield her eyes. I think I heard Anya say we should all cover our ears since I was probably going to scream next. I on the other hand already knew that I wouldn't. I would not make a sound. I never did.

A couple of dozen memories later we finally got some good ones and I hear Giles repeat the names my mother occasionally mentioned. We finally got to a memory of when I was two years old, one I didn't remember ever having. I was sitting at the side of a pond. A man sat down next to me, I immediately noticed the similarities. He had the same dimples, the same brown eyes and the same dark hair. He looked tanned and not really American, he looked more like a European kind of guy. Then we had another bad one. The man was screaming at my mother. He was yelling that she had to stop drinking, she had to tell him what had happened to her all those years ago. I could hear him begging to tell him why he never got to meet his parents in law. She yelled and threw a bottle. Suddenly he was standing before me and crouched down to my level.

"I'm coming back for you kiddo."

That's when it all went black.


Whatcha thinking?