A/N: I should really look it up to see if people have done this before. To be honest, I had a hard time deciding between using Colonel Mustang and Major Alex Louis Armstrong but then I went with the one with random sparkles when he makes speeches about himself. I could have done this with many different anime characters, really could, I now think I should do this with Might Gai but I won't. I'm doing this with my favorite narcissistic major, because I want to and I don't have enough fanfics in this fandom. My inspiration was a commercial for Old Spice and it was a stupid one and I thought back to the really good ones that you had to roll your eyes and laugh at but were still creative.
Disclaimer: If I owned this, I so would make this an episode or at least part of one. I also don't own Old Spice, I never even bought any of their products but obviously I've seen their commercials.
Major Armstrong looked in the mirror, flexing his muscles. Naturally, he was shirtless. He was getting ready to accompany the Elric brothers to Resembool and was taking his sweet time. He looked himself in the eye and said, "Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me," he kissed his biceps and continued with a sincere look of sorrow, "sadly, he isn't me." Armstrong shook his head in dismay at his reflection and flexed some more.
"But if he stopped using ladies scented body wash," his voice got louder as he spoke, "and switched to ARMSTRONG PRIDE, he could smell like he's me!" Pink sparkles started radiating off him and all his manliness.
"Look down, now look back up at my awesomeness! Where are you," he quirked his blond eyebrows up, "you're on a boat with Amestris' grandest soldier that your man could smell like." He grinned under his blond mustache as more pink sparkles flooded the room, and then kissed his biceps again. "What's in your hand?" he asked the mirror with a coy smile, "back at me," he chided. "I have it; it's an oyster with two train tickets so you can visit your hometown," the major smirked with a loving look in his eyes.
"Look again, the tickets are now philosopher's stones! Anything is possible when your man smells like an Armstrong and not a sissy!" he cheered, flexing some more.
"Now look at me, I'm riding on top of a train!" he winked at the mirror. He the continued dressing as if nothing had happened. Much to fangirl dismay.
