Omegle presents: Supernatural
It was a dark and stormy night. All sorts of horror clichés filled the air and any savvy viewer just knew that someone was about to bite the bullet, to kick the bucket, to release their lips from suckling at the teat of life.
Everyone could tell, tonight someone dies.
Except for the victims obviously. They had no clue that they were starring in a fan fiction about hit television show Supernatural. Nor did they know that their fates were not only dictated by the whims of the questionably named, Doctor B. Broseph, but the whims of the mind-numbingly inane denizens of the chat site Omegle.
Had they known, they may have killed themselves having confirmed that God couldn't possibly exist. There would be no fear of Hell, just the oblivion of the soul. They might have died with dignity…
Meanwhile in the little known town of Murray Bridge, a father stirred his wife.
"Oh dang," he cried with a whimper, "Oh no, the kids have snuck out of the house!"
The wife whipped out her bedroom eyes and throated at him sexily, "Now that we're alone… Let's play jumanji!"
The father stood up quickly and tore off his pants.
"Never!" he screamed in ecstasy and delight, "I'm sorry Arbell, I just can't kill you!"
Then completely contradicting his own words, he transformed into a furry beast and shredded his wife into meaty portions. It was horrifying to watch. He tore her body in delight, a spray of blood hitting the wall in a way that looked gross but also pretty cool in a macabre sort of way.
Then he lit himself on fire and descended back into the hellish basement from which he came.
Meanwhile two weeks in the future and in Chicago…
"Hey Dean, does this look like a case to you?" asked Sam, pointing to a newspaper bearing the head-line, "Wolf kills young mother, father still missing."
"Warararararargh," screamed Dean rather uncharacteristically, "That's a case of not enough dakka!"
"Come on Dean, be serious," pouted Sam pettily, "This could be another were-wolf attack."
"Yes," nodded Dean, "I love you."
"Who the fuck is Dean?" asked Sam quizzically.
"Dean Winchester," Dean replied angrily.
"Dean Winchester is your mother, Sam," interjected Castiel who had appeared suddenly.
Dean looked at him in disbelief, "I'm your brother, GOD Sam!"
"Oh my God, I love Supernatural," gushed Sam, "3!"
"Whoa, I like blind girls, they raise my confidence tenfold!" declared Dean rather unexpectedly.
Sam raised his eyebrow disbelievingly, "What has that got to do with anything Dean?"
Dean and Castiel both shrugged. Sam sighed and the three of them all went back to reading various books by the fireplace.
"Hey Castiel," asked Dean suddenly raising his eyes from Mark Danielewski's House of Leaves, "How did you survive the Leviathan's possession?"
"The power of love," retorted Castiel in a deadpan tone.
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."
"Ha-ha!" chortled Sam, "Wait what?"
"Yo," represented Dean, "You best not be messing wit' my human race you know what I'm sayin?"
"Word," Sam replied, giving his brother some support.
Dean smiled and outstretched his arms.
"Give me some sugar bro!"
Sam reached up to him and there was much sugar given. The boys hugged unto they both glistened with sparkly white powder.
"What!" gasped Castiel disbelievingly, "Sam and Dean? Are you talking about Supernatural?"
Sam and Dean continued to pass sugar onto each other, ignoring Castiel's query.
"Who the fuck are these people seriously?" yelled Castiel angrily, "Where do they breed?"
Meanwhile in Southern France…
"Hello," said one man in greeting to another.
"Hi, I'm David Powter. Let's do a round of self introduction. I'm David Powter," replied the other.
"I'm the mail man," the first man confessed, "Chill out man; you don't need to impress me."
The other man took off his shades and stared deep into the mail man's eyes, as though searching for weakness.
"David Beckham's David. Harry's Powter's Powter. I have too, it's basic respect."
"Hey Cas, I brought you some cake," smiled Dean as he sauntered into the room holding a large sponge cake.
"1 W4NT SOM3!" gasped Terezi Pyrope in delight.
"Cake?" asked Sollux Captor enquiringly, "Cake2 niice man."
"SOLLUX?" shrieked Terezi happily, "WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG H3R3?"
"Hey TZ," replied Sollux, "ii'm just being bored."
"Hey fuck off you trolls," growled Castiel, "This is a Supernatural fan fic not a Homestuck fan fic! HUSSIE!"
"uHHH wHAT?" asked Tavros nervously, "yOU MIGHT uHHH NEED TO SEE A SURGEON,,,"
Suddenly all the trolls died. Dean and Castiel breathed a sigh of nervous relief. Finally they were alone.
To Be Continued...
