*DISCLAIMER* A lot of mentioned/remembered non-con described.
They are together for two months before Charon admits to himself that she's his weakness. First he was just sticking his neck out for her because its what the contract demands. Protect the employer, do as the employer commands. Not that she had given him any real commands. All she had said was for him to be himself and do what he wanted. How was Charon supposed to know that would bring some new part of him to life? At first she just looked like a kid, a lost and surprisingly strong little girl, but the more time that passes Charon finds her beautiful. He finds the way she smiles warming, and her laugh lights some sort of fire in him. It makes him smile, he hates it. It doesn't make any sense. Why did her ass look like a body part one day, and then the thing he most desires the next? That's another problem entirely, he wants her. It's so wrong, she is only 19. Plus Charon is almost completely positive she would never want him. So he forces himself to keep any of those thoughts out of his mind. He wonders whats going on. Why does he have this great urge to touch her, or hold her close when he hears her crying about her father at night? Charon knows he's not romantic, hell he's not even emotional, but she makes him feel. He has barely felt anything in centuries. Even through all of the pain, he's always pushed it down. Charon has never cried, he has never felt sorry for himself, he has either felt shame, guilt or nothing. That's bothering him as well. Kate keeps telling him all of her stories. The happy ones the sad ones, even about how hard it was in the vault. "I only had dad really…no one liked me very much." She had smiled sadly," I guess it was because we got to enter the vault after it was supposed to be all closed up." She had told him about losing her mother, and Charon had hated watching her cry. It felt unfair to not tell her everything about him. None of it was good, but she had shared everything with him, even the bad. Charon felt she needed to know who was traveling with her. He wanted her to know all the mistakes he had made and how sorry he was. He knew it wouldn't make a difference in the long run, but she was curious. Sometimes when she told him something about her she would ask, "Charon? Can you tell me about life before the war…or just about you in general?" He had always brushed her off, "You don't wanna know about me smoothskin," He would say, "Just a bunch of unhappy stories." Kate had always accepted it, but she never seemed satisfied. Finally he decides to give in.
They hole up in an abandoned shack for the night. For some reason this one features two pet radroaches. Charon kills them and dumps them outside, much to Kate's dismay. They were hostile though, whoever decided to domesticate them obviously didn't do a good job. Theres only one bed, which proves to be an issue most places they go. Kate always insists Charon and her share it, but he's not sure he can bare it. Its hard enough to keep his wants at bay, but tonight she just wont take no for answer. "Your back has to hurt, you've slept on the floor the past week." Charon just shrugs, and that seems to make Kate even more aggravated. "I'll sleep on the floor if you want, but we need to at least take turns." Charon knows he has to give in, he cant let her sleep on the floor. Kate makes food, Cram and Instamash and they split it. Something reminds Kate of the vault, so she starts telling Charon another one of her stories. It makes him smile how she finds the smallest things funny or entertaining. She wants to see the good in everything. Once she's done with her story things get uncomfortably quiet, and Charon decides to bite the bullet.
"Do you still wish to know about me?" He asks, immediately feeling stupid. She shouldn't even care, but her eyes light up. Kate's looking at Charon with complete disbelief, "Yes!" She says, a bit too excited. Kate realizes and pulls herself back, "Only if you don't mind. Of course I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do." Charon smiles, "I know smoothsk-" "But I would love to! I know you said that most of the stories aren't happy…I know that, but I still want to know about you Charon. You're…important to me." All he can do is stare at her blankly. He's never been important to anyone, not even himself. Kate seems embarrassed by her words, shes blushing and she wont meet his eyes. "I…I can tell you some things." Charon manages, he sounds like an idiot. Kate sits up, a huge smile on her face as she waits impatiently. Charon opens his mouth, but hes not sure what to say. Where does he start? No one has ever asked his story. They've wanted to know how tough he is, how good of a shot or how effectively he can kill. No one has asked him to speak all of the 200 years of memories he has.
"Uh…well…theres a lot I don't remember. Mostly I only remember being a ghoul, but I remember leaving the Institute where I was programmed. I think they were taking in recruits under the disguise that it was some sort of military base at that time. Whats become of it now I do not know. I left and ended up with my first employer…" Charon tells her all he can remember about the employers he's had in the past. Most of the memories are fuzzy, but he does his best. "Then I was sold to Azhrukhal, so I stayed in The Ninth Circle until you got me smoothskin." Kate smiles at that part, like its her favorite of the whole story. "That wasn't that sad!" She says, but Charon isn't done. He is far from done.
"There…there are some more important things you should know about me." Kate looks confused, and Charon hopes the truth wont drive her away. "I was with Azhrukhal for about two or three decades, im not sure exactly because I lost count. When I told you he was evil I meant it. Not just that he treated me badly, but that he was completely sadistic." Charon takes another deep breath, he doesn't want to revisit these memories, especially with her. He keeps telling himself that Kate needs to know. "Under him I did some of the most despicable things I have ever done. I…" He cant look at her, it hurts too much. Maybe he really isn't a man. "I killed women and children. Anyone that crossed Azhrukhal it was my responsibility to take care of them and anyone traveling with them, but I didn't…just kill. I tortured. I…I raped the women. There were many of them. I hated every single second of it…but I couldn't stop it. He ordered me to." Charon can feel his hands shaking, but he still cant look up at her. He wonders what kind of expression is plastered all over her face. "Sometimes…Azhrukhal would take me with him out in the wastes. He wasn't able to protect himself without me. We would stumble upon women…alone or in groups, they were weak and unprotected. Azhrukhal would rape them…he'd make me do the same." Women traveling alone. Women like her before she purchased his contract. Charon feels anger surge through him. The thought of anyone hurting her like that makes him want to kill. Now he really cant look at Kate. He could remember the way they all pleaded, and worse, the way it felt. Most women in the wastes had been smoothskins, and although Charon had hated every fucking second of it, it felt good. He had never let himself become what Azhrukhal was though, he might have physically reacted to it, but he never let his mind enjoy any of those poor women.
"Over the years, Azhrukhal got less picky…he started doing the same to any man I could over power. He never made me touch them, but he didn't have as many options in Underworld…" A painful memory flashes through his mind. Azhrukhal had been drunk and high on jet. Charon had told himself that was the reason he had done it. Azhrukhal wasn't picky, but he would never lower himself to Charon. Then it happened again, and again. "…he resulted to me. Then I became another service. I know he…offered me to you when you first came in. He did that to everyone, hoping he can make something off of nothing." Although Charon had proved to be more popular than booze or drugs on some nights. The thought of those encounters made him wince. "I…I did sell though." He tells her in the most delicate way possible. He remembers the way Azhrukhal had enjoyed watching him suffer. Every time he finished with a poor helpless girl he would order Charon to have his "sloppy seconds." As if he owned any woman or thing he conquered with his genitals. When he let other ghouls and drifters have Charon for the night Azhrukhal had sometimes watched. As if Charon's pain was a spectacle he enjoyed watching.
Charon finds that he has nothing left to say, but he still doesn't want to look at her. A quiet sobbing noise finally forces Charon to meet her eyes. Shes crying. Kate is sobbing, her small frame shaking as she hugs her knees to her chest. Charon hates seeing her cry. He's sure he's drove her away. Shes probably crying because shes been traveling with a complete monster for two months. He not only looks the part, but he fits the internal requirements as well. Charon goes to speak but shes crawling over to where hes seated on the floor. Kate looks up at him with her huge brown eyes and it breaks his heart. She sits beside him and wraps her arms around Charon's body. He freezes, he can feel her tears falling down his shoulder. She's touched him, but not like this. Especially not after hes told her something so horrible. All of a sudden he hears her small voice, "Charon…?" She says weakly, her crying is dying down now. "Yeah kid?" He says, still completely confused by her reaction. "Do you blame yourself?"
Charon looks at the floor, her arms squeeze him a little tighter. "Of course" He says, trying to keep as much self-hate out of his voice as possible. "I did all of those things. I…I cant forgive myself." "But they were all orders...right?" Kate has her head pressed against his arm now. God what is she doing to him. Charon shakes his head, "That doesn't excuse any of it." All of them were orders, otherwise Charon would have never done any of the vile and sadistic shit that Azhrukhal wanted. "Then its not your fault." She says simply. Charon knows she cant possibly understand. She's just a girl who has never hurt anyone that hasn't hurt her first. She's never killed or tortured an innocent, and he prays she never finds unwanted hands on her. "It doesn't work like that Kate." All of a sudden a big smile emerges on her face, her eyes fill with light again. "You said it" She whispers, "You really said my name." Charon feels embarrassed, he usually calls her smoothskin or kid, but he's only called her Kate a handful of times. It feels almost too personal to call her by name. "Charon, I know I don't understand. I cant possibly begin to understand what all of that must have been like. Im really sorry, I wish you had never had to go through any of it. I do know that none of it was your fault. From what you've made me understand, the contract is non-negotiable. You do what the holder says, even if you don't want to." Charon doesn't want to fight with her. He knows he'll never see it the way she does, but hes happy. Happy that for once something turned out well, and that she can still think so highly of him after it all. Kate lets go of him, "Im sorry if you didn't want me to touch you." She says as if she's embarrassed. "You're okay smoo-Uh…Kate." She beams again, and Charon cant get enough of it. "I can call you that from now on, if you want." Kate shakes her head, "I like it. I mean, I still want you to call me smoothskin though, but kid makes me feel like you think less of me. I know im not very old but…" Charon cant help but laugh, "Im sorry, for someone as old as me…well you seem like a kid. I wont call you that anymore if it bothers you." Kate seems pleased. She goes back to eating what was left of her dinner and so does Charon.
When it comes time to go to sleep Kate climbs into the small bed. She's stripped down to her tank top, the top half of her vault suit tied around her waist. Kate pats the spot beside her, smiling up at him. Charon gulps and asks, "Are you sure?" He expects for her to roll her eyes. Instead Kate looks at him seriously, "Of course. You think I would have changed my mind because of what you told me?" All Charon can do is nod. She shouldn't want someone like him to share her bed, even if its platonic. Kate smirks slightly, "Im not scared of you Charon. I know you won't hurt me." Charon looks away, "I physically cant." She scoffs, "This isn't about the contract, get in bed Charon."
They end up sharing the bed. Through the few times they have, Charon has learned that no matter how far away Kate is from him she will always end up right beside him. She is a cuddlier. "I'll try to keep my hands to myself." Kate says with a laugh as she turns over. Charon smiles and some part of him wishes she wouldn't. He cant lie and say that the first time he woke up with her arms curled around him he was disappointed. "Goodnight Charon." She mumbles sleepily. Charon smiles, thankful to have her by his side. "Goodnight Kate."
