Beautifully

Gray eyes gaze down at the small, silver blade between your slender fingers. Gently you run the tip of your index finger along the beautifully sharp edge. Such a diminutive object it was, yet it held more then you could ever want in this moment in time. Staring down at the shiny blade, not even an inch long, shimmering brilliantly, you debate a choice that you've already given into. A choice you had long ago submitted yourself to, no matter if you thought otherwise. No matter how many times you had, or would promise yourself you would stop, it was nothing more then a lie you made yourself believe.

Tears slid down you pale cheeks, as you squeeze your eyes shut. Ever so slightly, you rock yourself back and forth, not even realizing what you're doing. Shacking, you hands linger as you try to calm your racing mind. A soft sob slips from your barely parted lips.

Holding up your left wrist, you bring up the blade, just like you always do. Flicking your wrist experimentally, you breathe in sharply. Once again, you raise the blade close to your extended wrist; your beautifully scared wrist. Swiping the edge against your delicate skin, you watch dully as your skin splits quickly across your wrist. Instantly, blood fills the thin cut, like always. Singing in absolute relief, you savor the wonderful sting. Preparing yourself, you bring the blade down again. It is always easier the second, the third, the forth time. Dark red blood outlines every thin slash in your ruined skin. Your beautifully ruined skin.

Blood slides down the curve of your palm, as you let your hand fall against the side of the marble white sink. Webbing across the indents of your scared palm, the blood flows continually down your fingers. A single drop of blood slips onto the sink, smearing against the whiteness, trailing still, spoiling its pureness horribly. Beautifully.

Watching brokenly, you let the blood blotch over your pale skin, seemingly endlessly. A slight throb aches at you, hurting so well. With every tear that falls from your eyes, with every drop of blood that falls, you wash out all your worry, all your fears, all your faults. Even if only for a moment. If just for a moment.

Slowly your sobs ease away, your shivering stopping as does the flow of blood. Looking down at your colored skin, you feel a wave of pride at how lovely it is. How nicely the blood has dried along the sink. How nicely it tarnished the pureness of the marble. How wonderfully it ruined the pureness of your own perfect skin, with every twist and angle it has formed. How beautifully it ruins you.

Emerald orbs flash in your mind. A warm smile forms on the lovely, tan skin.

'I love you'

But he couldn't love you. You were ruined with everything you did. Rotten for all the mistakes you always made. Bent with every wound you inflicted on others, your mother, your father, everyone. Broken with every slash you inflicted on yourself to punish yourself for all you do, all you've done, and all you can't do. Couldn't he see that? Didn't he understand? All the bruises that marked your skin. Couldn't he see? All the tears you hide. Couldn't he see? All the blood you spill. Couldn't he see?

Of course he couldn't. But he would. And when he did, he'd leave you. Never wanting anything to do with you. Ever. Again. That's what you dissevered. When he realized the mistake he made in you, he'd end it all. He'd hate you, like he should. Like you hate yourself.

Beautifully.

A/N: Plz review! It takes a moment of your life, and makes mine happy!

What did you think? Should I continue?

Thanks! CryingRedTears