The Process of Reproduction

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Qui-Gon paced back and forth in a way that left an imprint on the carpet. He rubbed his hands together nervously and inhaled a deep, shaky breath of air. His heart pounded in his chest and his knees wobbled. He would have sat down, but that only made the anxiety worse.

Force, how was he supposed to do this? In Qui-Gon's opinion, the matter at hand should have been banned forever. But he knew it was impossible. The conversation at hand was inevitable and he knew it. Obi-Wan would find out about the process of reproduction one way or another.

He had just hoped someone else would tell him. A Healer perhaps, surely someone with medical experience would be able to explain to the fourteen year old boy how babies were made far better than anyone else could.

But it was not so. Qui-Gon knew it was his duty to insure that the Padawan knew how people came into this world. It was a natural, beautiful thing. Not something to be ashamed of at all. He had done the same thing with his first apprentice, Xanatos.

However, it was quite difficult to find suitable words in order to explain how it is done. Qui-Gon felt uncomfortable in naming the male and female body parts. Therefore, he was struggling to come up with various terms that might be easier to say.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan Kenobi sat on the sofa and watched his Master pace to and fro across the room. He was patient. But after ten minutes, his patience was wearing thin.

"Master?"

Obi-Wan's voice caused Qui-Gon to jump. He stared at his Padawan with widened eyes.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Obi-Wan's innocent eyes were wide with curiosity.

Qui-Gon felt his heart threaten to burst out of his chest. Obi-Wan was too young, telling him what sex was all about would probably haunt the poor child.

"Master..." Obi-Wan's voice broke through his jumbled thoughts once more. "If you have nothing to say then I'd like to go back to the garden…"

"No, no." Qui-Gon stopped his pacing and plopped down in the chair opposite of where Obi-Wan was sitting. "I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Creation." Qui-Gon swallowed the large lump in his throat. He suddenly felt very light headed...

"What about it?"

Qui-Gon paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully.

"How you were brought into this world. What created you."

Obi-Wan remained silent, waiting for his Master to continue.

"Um…" Qui-Gon searched for more words. "You've seen two beings kiss before, right?"

"Only on holovids." Obi-Wan nodded. "They use their tongue a lot."

"..All right…well…this is basically the same concept…but with different body parts, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Well…a man takes his…ahh…oh…um..." Qui-Gon inhaled deeply. "There's a bed involved."

"Like jumping on a bed?"

"Er…..yes, actually, it is very much like jumping on a bed.."

"That's always fun." Obi-Wan offered a small smile. Qui-Gon shuddered at the innocence.

"Clothing and garments are not exactly…on the body..during this process."

Obi-Wan's eyes grew wide. "Why would you jump on the bed naked?"

"I can honestly say I haven't the slightest clue, Obi-Wan…"

"Oh."

"Anyway. The male….well…he…uh…takes his….old chap...and places it inside….the females…um…bowl." Qui-Gon frowned at his choice of words.

Obi-Wan's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "So an old, naked guy is jumping up and down on a bed with a bowl?"

Qui-Gon felt as though he was going to pass out. He had a feeling that this conversation was going to be the death of him.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. Basically…" He trailed off once more, an uncomfortable silence settling in the room.

Qui-Gon finally moved to the sofa and leaned in next to his Padawan. He whispered the happenings of sex into his apprentice's ear very quickly. When he pulled away, Obi-Wan was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

Then he broke out into a grin.

"Oh, that? We learned all about that in class two years ago!" He stated cheerfully.

Obi-Wan had no idea why his Master passed out right there and then.


A/N: Heheh. No idea where that came from. Hopefully it was a wee bit amusing. If you're a Ewan McGregor fan, you might know where I got the "old chap" bit from. :)

The next chapter deals with Obi-Wan explaining the same thing to Anakin, but with a much better punch line in my opinion.