A/N: Welcome to Naruto: Ocarina of Annoyance! Please press Start and begin the long, boring dialogue now! Don't worry, it should only take an hour of reading and listening to boring music to go through!

By the way, this may not make a lot of sense if you haven't played the game Zelda: Ocarina of Time...or if you haven't watched Naruto. However, since this is in the Naruto category, I have a feeling that you have seen the show. Good for you. Have a cupcake. Now...ON WITH THE SHOW!


In the deep forests of Konoha, an ancient guardian sleeps...

He sleeps in the hopes to never re-awaken...

For when he awakens, it will mean a dreadful evil has begun to plague the land...

An evil that will spell destruction for all and sunder...

An evil that will purge the land of hope, prosperity...and peace...

In the ancient forest, the guardian slumbers on...

However, a new evil has arisen...

A new hero will be awoken...

And a dark, mystical power will be unleashed upon the land of Konoha...

In his bower in a tree, young Naruto sleeps on, his dreams plagued by the evil that begins to stir...

He tosses in his sleep, unaware that in the land of Konoha, the dream he is having has become real...

Unaware that in the land of Konoha, a deep, ancient evil has arisen to challenge the forces of good...

Unaware that his fate, and that of the forest, the plains, mountains, and seas, will now all intertwine...

Unaware that his life will change forever...

The ancient forest stirs itself. It feels the evil penetrating ever deeper into the heart of the land...

It feels the forces of evil beginning to draw power...

It begins to cry out for the savior of the forest to protect it...

The guardian hears, even in its deep slumber...

THE GUARDIAN HAS AWOKEN!


Naruto tossed, mumbling slightly as his sleep began to be interrupted by the dreams of his past. Death...darkness...lightning filled his vision. He ran from figures stepping out into his shaded sight. Claws, wings, arms, and fingers were thrust at him, catching his clothes and ripping his skin. He cried out, stumbling and running vainly in an attempt to escape his attackers. They chased, moaning for his blood. His tears mingled with the dust upon his face as he sought refuge. However, a figure blocked his path, one that radiated death and foreboding. He stopped, wide-eyed, as the figure smiled down upon him. It's pale face, sinister in the horrid light, looked more like the insane nightmares of his past than anything he had ever seen.

"Young one...in the days that come, you will die!" A sword flashed from nowhere, cutting the boy down. As he lay on the ground, his sobs of anguish being muffled out by the laughing of the maniacal figure before him, his dream began to dematerialize, and he was left in a state of dreamless bliss.

The figure in the woods reached out with its ancient power, seeking those that could help. It sought among the forest folk, scurrying around in their own endeavors, unaware of the coming evil. It sought within the ocean and streams, where the fish-folk lived, keeping to themselves mostly. It sought to the mountain, where the rock-eaters called their domain home, sipping lava straight from piping hot tubes running from the earth. It sought any that could help it...and finally, it found the one boy that had the most potential of any...

"Hmm...yes...I feel...I feel something...something strange, but wonderful. Yes...this boy has something in him that will help in the coming days...I feel it...I feel..." It said no more, only began to think to itself. Suddenly, it began to radiate a new aura, one that sent shivers down the backs of the tiny ones, the small nymphs and faeries that called the forest home as well. One in particular felt the surge, knowing full well that her time had come. "Come to me, little one. Please, there is not a moment to waste." Hastily, it flew to it's deity's side, bowing as formally as it could.

"Yes, Jiraiya Tree-sama. What is it I can do for you?" The ancient woodland being, thousands of years old and groaning with the weight of many seasons, sighed.

"Sakura-san...you are the only faerie without a partner, are you not?" The faerie sighed slightly, nodding.

"Yes, Tree-sama. I have no partner, as no partner has been picked for me." The ancient tree sighed once more.

"Then, I have a mission for you, little one. Go. A boy in the village of Konoha is in need of you at the moment. He has no faerie, and you have no partner. Please, bring him here. I must speak with him." The faerie nodded, turning and flying down the path. Please...please hurry little Sakura. The whole of the future rests with you.

The faerie, Sakura, flew in a direct path, being given directions by her own power and the power to detect those with no faeries at the present. Having gotten to the village, she began to roam, seeking the one she was looking for.

"HEY! Sakura, what are you doing?" Another faerie, shining with a bright blue light, suddenly erupted in front of her, hovering so she could speak with her friend.

"Oh! I didn't see you. Tell me, Anko. Where is the boy, Naruto? I am supposed to find him for the great Jiraiya Tree." The other, Anko, began tinkling, her laughter cutting through the stillness of the day.

"Oh, that lazy bum? He's up in that tree over there. You can hear him snoring if you just listen. Hurry up and wake him. He's becoming a bother." A new voice shot through the stillness.

"Anko...oh! There you are." Anko's partner, Hinata, walked up, smiling curtly at the small, pink faerie next to hers. "Oh! Sakura-san. Hello. Still no partner, hmm?" The pink faerie danced slightly in agitation, but agreed.

"No, not yet. But, thanks for the help, Anko. Take care, Hinata!" Taking off, she flew to the top boughs of the tree, looking around the small, dingy looking hut. Seeing the blond boy on the mattress in front of her, she sighed.

"So...this is who I'm supposed to awaken? What a lazy boy." Flying over to him, she began to tickle his nose with a wingtip. "Naruto? Wake up please. The Great Jiraiya Tree-sama has something to tell you. You have to go there." However, the boy turned over, ignoring the faerie altogether. Annoyed at his action, she flew up to the top shelf above him, getting between a cup and the wall and hoisting it over the top. It fell, cracking upon the boy's head and making him sit up.

"What? Who? Where? OW! MY HEAD!" Grabbing his wounded head, he began pouting to himself.

"Good! You're up! Now, come on! We have to go!" Naruto looked up to see who was speaking, surprised to see a small, pink faerie in his vision.

"What? A faerie? Wait...I don't have a faerie. I haven't gotten one yet. Does that mean...you're my faerie?" Sakura shook her head. The boy had a one-track mind.

"Um...sure, whatever. Now, come on!" Hopping out of the bed, Naruto stretched, walking along behind the small creature in front of him.

"Wow! A faerie of my very own. I can't believe it!" Getting outside, Sakura jangled in the air as Naruto came out to view the world. He had been asleep since dark, so the fresh sunlight felt good. Staring down, he saw a familiar figure running towards him.

"Oh! Hey Naruto-kun! How...how do you feel today?" Naruto smiled down, not bothering with the ladder that led to the bottom, but instead hopping down the tree in one leap, landing on the ground. He winced as his legs took the pressure of the jump, but smiled, hoping that the girl in front of him hadn't seen.

"Oh! I'm fine, Hinata-chan. Just, um...hopping around, you know?" The girl smiled, her faerie Anko and Sakura giggling slightly. Hinata gave her faerie a reproving glance before turning back to the boy in front of her.

"Well...I...I hope that you have a good day, Naruto-kun." Turning, she walked away. Anko rolled her eyes, a motion so slight that only Sakura was able to pick it up, than she to left. Sakura sighed, turning back to the boy.

"COME ON! WE HAVE TO GO!" Naruto smiled, nodding as he followed his new acquisition towards the ancient defender. However, before he got there, another stepped out, holding out a hand to keep him from entering the forest.

"Hey...what's the big deal, Sasuke?" The boy in front of him shook his head, looking down at Naruto's form and sneering.

"You can't see the Jiraiya Tree. He wouldn't want to see you anyways." The faerie buzzed sharply in the others face.

"Look, you! I'm on a mission here! Now, get out of our way!" The boy snickered, looking back at the blond in front of him and then eying the faerie once more.

"So...you got a faerie now, huh? Interesting. Well, like I said, you still ain't getting through. I mean, look at you. You're short, you're untrained...heck, you don't even have a sword or a shield! Tsch...go away." Turning around, the boy went to sit on a chair he had placed in the front of the path, sitting down and staring at the two. Naruto welled up inside. He was tired of Sasuke always telling him what to do, just because he was shorter than him.

"Baka!" Turning, Naruto immediately started walking back to his house, going to lie down once more, when a certain faerie flew into his face.

"NO! We have to see the tree. Just...just...just push that guy out of the way or something."

"Huh! Nice idea. He's not going to just 'let' me push him. Besides, he'd wallop me." He had almost reached his house when an idea struck the little being.

"Hey. I know where you can get both a sword and a shield. Will that impress him enough?" Naruto turned, his eyes closed. Slowly, he nodded.

"I don't know if it will impress him...but it would be nice to have a shield and a sword. So, what do I do?" The faerie turned, pointing in the direction of the woods on the opposite side of the village.

"Go over there. There is a path there that will lead into the woods. But you have to be careful. I was only there once, and I didn't like the place. It has a couple of traps...well, you'll see when you get there." His eyebrow cocked, Naruto walked to the edge of the forest, peering around. He did see the hole in the wood, making for an efficient gate. Scratching his head in questioning the fact that he himself had never actually seen the hole there before, he got down on his knees, crawling inside. Almost immediately he threw himself against the back of a tree, his air leaving his lungs as a giant boulder bounded past.

"I told you there were traps in here. I didn't lie, you know." Naruto glanced up at her.

"You could've told me there were boulders here, though. Trying to kill me on my first day or something?" Sakura smiled.

"...Maybe..." Snorting, Naruto began the task of hopping between hiding places, avoiding the boulders and keeping out of harms way. As the boulders bundled past, they tended to go up inclines, turning and bumbling back down again in the direction they had come. He was hard pressed to keep out of their path, but he did it with as little loss of grace as possible. Diving past the last hurtle, he got up, brushing himself off. In his path stood a chest, lined with gold and made of a thick, heavy looking old wood.

"So...a chest, huh? How do I open it?" Naruto glanced at his faerie, who shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess...you just open it, huh?" Naruto shrugged, going to the chest and grabbing the edges. With a heave and grunt, he was able to open the chest, with no key or anything. The top flew open, and a light shined out. He smiled, diving into the chest and searching about. In a matter of a few seconds, he popped out, holding a sword over his head. The sword shone with a glorious light, and it revolved around above his hands as he smiled up at it. Suddenly, it appeared in a sheath on his back, and he smiled again.

"Umm...that was weird. Will that happen every time you find something?" Naruto glanced over at his faerie once again.

"I don't know...but it makes me happy when it happens. Kinda like...some crazy adventure or something. Anyways, I have a sword now, so what do I do for a shield?" The faerie flew over, landing on the boy's head and scratching its own.

"Um...You buy one. You got any money?" The boy sighed, staring at the ground as he scuffed a shoe.

"No. No I don't. So where do I get some?" The faerie shrugged.

"I don't know. Let's ask around. Maybe you can do odd jobs for people to earn some. I don't think the shield is much. Only like thirty yen or something." Naruto nodded, turning and beginning the treacherous way back towards the town.

After a few minutes of intense dodging, he once again crawled under the branches and vines, appearing in the village. Looking around, he got up, sighting one of his other friends and running over to him.

"Hey! Konohamaru! I'm looking for money! You got any ideas?" The boy he was referring to looked up, bored, and smiled slightly.

"Yeah...try cutting up plants. That always works for me." Naruto cocked an eyebrow.

"Wait...plants? Why would plants have money in them?" Konohamaru shrugged.

"I don't know. Just sometimes I find money in bushes and plants and grass and stuff. Maybe people drop them there, but that's how I find money. Try it if you want." Naruto smiled, nodding.

"Yeah...maybe I will. Thanks!" Turning to leave, he stopped as Konohamaru glanced at him.

"Hey! You have the Konoha sword, don't you? That's a cool looking piece of equipment. But, uh...do you know how to use it?" Naruto glanced at his sword, then shook his head.

"No...but I figure I'll get better when I practice." Konohamaru smiled, hopping up onto the log he was standing by.

"How about I give you some pointers?" Naruto smiled, turning and unsheathing his sword.

"Sure, why not. I could use some help anyways."

"Well, that's obvious..." Sakura sighed, turning to go and sit on a bush while Naruto and Konohamaru began practicing. Being the novice swordsman that he was, Konohamaru was able to teach Naruto a variety of basic attacks, thrusts, and side-steps, each with their own purpose.

"Oh! By the way, don't forget to Z-Target stuff. That always helps!" A parting word from Konohamaru stopped Naruto in his tracks, making him turn.

"Wait...Z-Target?" Konohamaru stopped suddenly, scratching his head.

"Oh yeah...never mind. Forget I said anything. See ya!" Turning, the boy left, disappearing into the brush.

"Weird..." Naruto turned back, facing his faerie as she buzzed in his face.

"Great...are you ready to go now?" Naruto nodded, walking with her as she flew in front of him. A bush on his right suddenly caught his attention, and unsheathing his sword, he ran towards it, chopping it to pieces. There in his view was a shiny gem, green tinted and glowing. He smiled, picking it up and holding it above his head. It disappeared suddenly, and he glanced at his wallet strapped to his side, knowing that it somehow had been placed there.

"I got a yen!" Turning back to his partner, he smiled. "I'll just chop some grass and stuff now. That should help!"

An hour later, he smiled down at his pocket. He had collected another ten of the green gems, two of the blue ones, and one that shown with a blood red color. In his head, he figured he had thirty-one yen in all.

"ARG! You have forty-one, Naruto! The red one counts as twenty, remember! You should have learned how to count better!" His faerie flew around his head in agitation, and he smiled.

"Oh yeah...forty-one. Well, is that enough?" Sakura nodded, pointing to the store.

"Yeah, now go buy a shield and lets get out of here!" Naruto smiled, nodding and walking to the store. Suddenly, he was hailed by a voice out of nowhere. Looking to the left and right, he stopped.

"Up here, Naruto!" Sakura flew above the head of another child, who smiled at her from atop the sign on the shop.

"Wow! You have a faerie now, huh Naruto? Did you know that you can use her to talk to people far away? Just look in the general direction of a person, and she'll fly to them, allowing you to speak to them. Remember to Z-Target!" Naruto smiled, waving at her as Sakura flew back down. As they entered the shop, he talked out the side of his mouth.

"Do you know anything about this Z-Targeting stuff?" Sakura smiled, talking out the side of her mouth as both kept walking straight.

"Not a thing...you people are freaking crazy!" Entering the shop, Naruto found himself staring at a wide array of items on the far wall. The shop keeper looked up, smiling at them.

"Welcome to the Konoha Forest Shop! Can I help you?" Naruto smiled, pointing at a shield on the far wall.

"Yeah...I'll take one of those please!" The shop keeper nodded. Suddenly, the shield became strapped to Naruto's back, and he glanced at it as he felt his wallet get lighter. "Gee...that's convenient...and weird." Turning, he walked out of the shop, followed by his new faerie friend. Together, they walked back to the entrance to the Jiraiya tree, where Sasuke was still sitting in his chair.

"Hey! You can't go in there, I said!" Getting up, he blocked their path once again. Then, seeing Naruto, he gasped. "Wait...you have what? Is that...is that the Konoha sword? I don't believe it. Well, you still don't have a shield!...Wait...is that a Konoha shield? Well...I suppose you can pass. I don't know what the Great Jiraiya Tree-sama wants with you, but he is sure to be disappointed." Turning, he walked back to his stool, sitting down and staring through slitted eyes at the pair.

"What's his problem?" Sakura glanced at her partner, who shrugged.

"I don't know. He hates his brother, who killed his parents. So he went all emo on us, and now he's like that." Sakura sighed, looking over at the boy again.

"Seems sad...Oh well! Let's go, shall we?" Naruto nodded, walking on the path towards the Jiraiya Tree. However, as he stepped out into the pathway, a harmless looking flower suddenly sprang up, snapping out and twirling around.

"What...what the hell is that thing?" Naruto looked at the faerie, who sighed.

"Hold on, let me go check." Flying across to it, and avoiding its open maw, the faerie scanned the creature, nodding to itself and flying back. "It's called a Jiraiya Baba! It's the evil incarnation of a Jiraiya seed."

"Well...how do I kill it?" Naruto unsheathed his sword, standing with his shield protecting him.

"Use your shield and let it strike it. It should stun it, leaving it open to a slashing attack." The faerie nodded once more.

"Wait...how do you even know that?" Naruto looked up, seeing the faerie think about it, then shrug.

"I dunno. I just do. Now, do as I say!" Naruto sighed, walking up to the monstrous plant and allowing it to strike his shield, feeling the sting in his arm. However, it did exactly like the faerie said, stunning it and making it stand straight up, chomping at the sky in distress. Taking the initiative, Naruto slashed out, cutting the plant off at the stalk. It squealed, falling to the ground. Its head flew off, leaving a stick lying prone out of the loam. Walking to it, Naruto grabbed it, hoisting it above his head as it twirled around.

"Good job! It's a Jiraiya stick! You can use it to light torches and whack things with. Now, would you put that away and get going, please?" Naruto smiled, nodding as the stick vanished.

"Hey...where did it go?" Looking around, Naruto shrugged up at the faerie, who sighed exasperatedly.

"It went into your inventory, Naruto. If you open your pack, it'll be in there when you want it. Just think about it and it will appear. Now, let's go! Come on, he's waiting!" Naruto nodded, turning and following his faerie towards the inner bowels of the forest. Along the way, he fought more of the Jiraiya Baba's, each one being destroyed by a strike on the shield and a cleave of his sword. Each left him with a stick from the Great Jiraiya Tree, and he put each into his inventory that he didn't understand. Soon, he found himself walking around a corner, staring up at the guardian himself.

"Jiraiya Tree-sama! I brought the boy! Though...he's far less intelligent than I expected." The tree laughed slightly as the faerie flew up to bow in front of him. Looking down from his pupiless, wooden eyes, he gazed upon the boy, who bowed.

"Hello, Jiraiya Tree-sama. I have come." The tree would have nodded if it could have.

"Thank you, Sakura-san. Thank you for bringing him. Now, Naruto-kun. Please, come forward...I have much to tell you!"


A/N: So, what do you think? I thought it was pretty good. Why did I think about doing this? I have no clue, don't ask. Nintendo owns Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Kishimoto owns Naruto and all the people in it. I own...um, this story, I suppose.

Expect me to parody things from both things in this, such as the fact that Z-Targeting comes into play...but it really doesn't. And the fact that cutting bushes earns you money. And the fact that things just disappear into the bag and you don't actually have to put them there. HA! Um...yea, lot's of parody in this. Should be fun later on.

Ok, review. I am thinking about making a sequel to this one...but who knows. We'll see how this goes.