Our story begins in 19th Century England, on Christmas Eve. The streets were filled with the townsfolk all hustle and bustle in celebrating the holiday and getting everything prepared for it. Many of them were even taking part in a number of different charities.
On one street, a gang of alley cats (Top Cat and his men) were caroling down the sidewalk.
"Give for a good cause while we sing." The cats sang. "Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la."
"Our good cause is our trip to the Bahamas." Top Cat smirked.
On a street block, a talking gorilla (Magilla Gorilla) dressed as Santa Claus stood next to a large sign that read, Gorilla for Sale and rang a bell.
"Come take home a gorilla, that's me, for Christmas!" Magilla Gorilla called out to the walking townsfolk. "Only fifty percent off!"
But then he paused and got an idea.
"Actually, make that free! Come on now, you don't wanna miss this once-a-year chance!"
All the townsfolk were just full of joy and holiday spirit.
That is, except for one man and his canine sidekick. Among the townsfolk that were traveling through town was a grouchy-looking man with a mustache, a heavy coat, and a top hat named Ebenezer Dastardly (Dick Dastardly) carrying a sack. The man's shaggy mutt (Muttley) who also wore a top hat, plus a scarf walked by his master.
"Please, be a good man and give to the poor." A red hyena (Hardy Har-Har from Lippy the Lion) walked up to Dastardly and Muttley. "Even one little bit helps."
Dastardly gave a wicked grin, and then gave a quick look of sympathy to cover it up.
"Oh, why yes good sir." Dastardly pretended to be caring as he placed a schilling coin into Hardy's hand. "If that little bit helps…"
"Thank you, sir."
But all of a sudden, the coin was yanked out of Hardy's hand by string that had been tied to the coin.
Dastardly and Muttley laughed evilly at their nasty trick on Hardy.
"That little bit has helped me save my money! Thank you sir!" Dastardly laughed as he and Muttley kept walking through the streets.
If it was one thing that did make Ebenezer Dastardly happy, it was pulling dirty tricks on the poor. Thus showing just how evil, sneaky, selfish and greedy he was.
The fiendish duo finally approached their business, which was a mortgage company called Dastardly and Sneekly Mortgage. Even though Dastardly's business partner, Jacob Sneekly died seven years ago, his name could still be seen behind a giant black X drawn over it. Dastardly was that cheap and greedy.
Before he entered the building, the foul villain and his dog stopped to remember their old, villainous partner.
"Seven years ago today a man most evil and greedy, yet successful in running Dastardly and Sneekly Mortgage left this earth…" Dastardly sighed. "So intelligent when it comes to swindling the poor, robbing the widows and orphans, lying and his favorite of all if I remember, setting complex deathtraps. Bad old Sneekly was quite the business partner, and an even better one than Muttley!"
Muttley growled and bit his master in the butt.
"Ouch!" Dastardly yelled in pain. "Don't be mad Muttley. You're a great business partner! At least I have someone to scare off uninvited visitors!"
"Razzen-Frazzen-Backen that's better!" Grinned Muttley before he snickered.
Dastardly and Muttley entered the building, and gave one look to their lone worker, Yogi Cratchit (Yogi Bear), who was too busy working to even notice his bosses walking by him.
"It's quite warm in here." Dastardly told Muttley with a frown. "Too warm."
He turned his head to a working Cratchit.
"Cratchit." Dastardly tried to get his attention, to no avail.
"Cratchit!"
Cratchit was still too wrapped up in his work to hear him.
"CRATCHIT!"
Dastardly's loud shout sent Cratchit flying out of his seat and crashing to the ground.
"Y-y-yes Mr. Dastardly?" He stammered and shivered in an intimidated manner, his teeth chattering.
"I feel heat in this building." Dastardly scolded him. "Have you been using my coal again!?"
"I'm frightfully sorry Mr. Dastardly, but this place is colder than the average bear cave. A bear's gotta keep himself warm."
"Do you not know how much my coal costs!?"
Yogi gave a confused look.
"It's not cheap I'll give you that! It costs a ton of money as far as you're concerned."
"You hardly even use that money anyway, Dastardly, so what's the big deal, schmeal?"
"The more money I earn and save, the closer I'll be to getting rich, rich, rich!"
Muttley, displeased, bit Dastardly's leg this time.
"Ouch! I mean the closer we'll be to getting rich, rich, rich, Muttley!"
"Rassuh-frazzapazza you'd better believe it!" Muttley snickered.
"Now get back to work, Cratchit!" Dastardly demanded. "Time is money, you know."
Dastardly saying work made Yogi remember something.
"That reminds me, Mr. Dastardly." He spoke up. "Because tomorrow is Christmas day, I hope you don't mind if I take a day off, or does half a day seem okay?"
Dastardly got annoyed.
"Christmas." Dastardly muttered. "I'll make an exception this one time, Cratchit. I'll let you have half the day off, but you'll only get half, and I mean half of how much I normally pay you! How much is it? Fifteen schillings a week I think?"
"Correction." Yogi smiled.
"Then you only get seven point five schillings, and that's it!"
"If you need me, Cratchit, I'll be doing what I do best, counting my payments." Dick snickered before he gave Cratchit a serious look. "Keep working!"
"Yes sir." Cratchit gulped. "And I thought park rangers were so mean."
Dastardly was now seen in his office recording his pay from this week while Muttley helped him count his schillings and payments. From the looks of it, Dastardly seemed to have earned an amount that was enough to actually satisfy him, since money was the only thing that satisfied him in the first place, next to cheating and pulling nasty stunts of course.
"Fifty pounds this week!" Dastardly grinned and chuckled. "We're earning the perfect amount of moolah, eh Muttley?"
"Razzen-frazzen money, money, money!" Muttley snickered.
"I agree, Muttley!" Dastardly laughed in his throat as he and Muttley hugged their schillings and the sacks of schillings. "Money, money, money! Money is the world and nothing but the world!"
Suddenly, a bell by the main door rang as the door opened, causing Dastardly and Muttley to flinch and drop their earnings, to Dastardly's displeasure.
"Drat, drat, and double drat!" Dastardly frowned. "Who's the wise guy with the nerve to disturb my moment of paradise!?"
In came Dastardly's young nephew, Fred (Elroy Jetson).
"Hey, hey, hey, Fred!" Cratchit greeted young Fred with a smile and the tip of his hat. "Merry Christmas little guy!"
"Merry Christmas, Mr. Cratchit!" Fred greeted back. "I'm here to see my dear Uncle Scrooge. Where is he?"
"In his office, counting his money as always, but I'm sure he'd be pleased to see you!"
"Actually I'm far from pleased." Dastardly muttered as he and Muttley walked to the main door where Fred was. "What do you want!?"
"Uncle Dastardly!" Fred greeted his uncle with a tip of his own hat. "Merry Christmas!
"Christmas, bah humbug." Dastardly spat quietly.
"Razzen-frazzen bah humbug." Muttley muttered.
"I've come to tell you that my father has invited you over for our annual Christmas dinner tomorrow, Dearest uncle." Fred happily told Dastardly and Muttley. "Even Muttley is invited. Will you be able to come? We would love your presence!"
"You would love my presence?" Dastardly smirked. "At a Christmas dinner?"
"Not just me, my whole family would love to see you."
"Christmas is all nothing but a humbug!" Dastardly scowled.
"Leaping lasers! Uncle, you don't mean that." Fred stood there, shocked to hear such words.
"Oh but I do mean it."
"You mustn't mean it, Mr. Dastardly." Cratchit spoke up. "Christmas is a time for giving, for spending time with one's family!"
He leaned in towards Fred's ear.
"And not to mention all that yummy food." He whispered in the child's ear.
"I agree, Mr. Cratchit."
"Christmas, hah! Dastardly scoffed at Fred and Cratchit. "More like a poor excuse for picking a businessman's pocket every twenty-fifth of December! I wouldn't even be caught dead at Christmas dinner, Fred! So you can just get lost!"
"Uncle Dastardly!" Fred's eyes filled with tears.
"I said beat it!" Dastardly shouted. "Send him out, Muttley!"
From there, Muttley growled at Fred and chased him out of the building, barking at him.
Once Muttley had sent Fred away, he snickered at his dirty deeds while returning to the building.
"Thank you, Muttley." Dastardly scratched Muttley behind the ears. "He deserved that."
"I don't think your nephew deserved that one bit." Cratchit frowned. "He's just a kid, you know."
"How many times do I have to keep telling you to get back to work!?" Dastardly scolded Cratchit.
"Okay, okay." Cratchit went back to his work.
The main door opened again. This time, a brown cat and a mouse (Snooper and Blabber) entered the door. Blabber carried a mug he and Snooper used to collect schillings for the poor.
"Well, well, well…" Dastardly smirked. "Not one, but two customers! How may I be of service?"
"Blab and I have come to raise funds for the less fortunate this holly-day season." Snooper replied.
"In case you're wondering what Snoop means, we're collecting money to help the poor." Blabber explained.
"And we was wondering if you would be so kind as to give."
Dastardly and Muttley frowned when they were asked to give, but got a wicked idea.
"Oh, yes. Certainly…" Dastardly gave an evil grin as he placed a schilling in the collecting mug.
He swiftly pulled a string that was tied to the schilling out of the mug and into his hand with an evil laugh.
"Now what kind of crude, cruel joke is this!?" Snooper frowned.
"I don't know, but I'm certainly not laughing." Blabber was also displeased with Dastardly's nasty move.
"I am…" Dastardly laughed, before his gave a glare to Snooper and Blabber.
"Because the two of you are nothing but fools! Me, Mr. Ebenezer Dastardly give to the poor!? You're crazy! I don't take part in such, such, such…"
"I've got a bad feeling about this…" Cratchit shivered.
"Humbug! I worked so hard to earn my money! I refuse to give it away!"
"Razzen-frazzen-backen me too." Muttley muttered.
"Gee, Mr. Dastardly." Blabber tried to reason with Dastardly. "We're not asking you to give all your money away. Just a part of it to help the poor."
"Well you can help me by getting out of my sight!" Dastardly snarled. "Muttley, get rid of them!"
Muttley chased Snooper and Blabber out of the building and onto the street, barking, growling, and biting their rears in the process.
Once Muttley got done chasing Snooper and Blabber away, and after he snickered at his foul deeds, Dastardly sighed in relief.
"That takes care of those hairballs."
Quite some time had passed, and Yogi arrived to talk to Dastardly.
"Pardon me, Mr. Dastardly…" He spoke quietly. "It's about time for me skidoo, schmoo."
"What do you mean?"
"In other words, it's closing time. I'd better get home."
"Oh, alright, Cratchit. You're free to go." Dastardly replied. "But remember, be here first thing in the morning at eight. Don't be late, or else!"
"Or else what, Mr. Dastardly?" Yogi gulped and shivered.
"Or else you're fired, and then turned into Muttley chow."
"Very well, sir." Yogi smiled nervously as he headed to the door. "Whatever you say. Good night, Mr. Dastardly, and Merry Christmas!"
"And a bah humbug to you, too!" Dastardly scowled. "Now get going before I lose my mind over this Christmas humbug! And I mean now!"
Muttley growled at Cratchit.
"Alrighty, sir!" Cratchit dashed out the door.
Once Cratchit left, Dastardly turned to Muttley.
"Help me get this place ready for closing time, Muttley!" He ordered. "I want the entire place looking flawless for tomorrow, so no mistakes!"
"Rassuh-frazzapazza snacken fracken bracken." Muttley mumbled as he started to clean the building.
"Christmas, bah humbug, and nothing but humbug." Dastardly grumbled with a roll of his eyes.
