The dress robes he wore were second-hand and too tight in the shoulders, but … they were they best he could afford. He knew his friends wouldn't have cared about what he was wearing, but he had felt the need to try and repay them in some fashion. The dress robes had been his answer, though now that he thought of it, smiling sadly, James would have wanted him to show up in his old Quidditch robes.
Sirius … he took a deep breath, his fist clenching in anger into the stuffed animal he held. The Sirius he thought he knew, would have shown up wearing James' old robes. And in that world, Remus would have as well.
Remus never did have the bravery of a Gryffindor. He shouldn't have been sorted into that house. He was a coward at heart, he knew it. But, if Black and Peter were here in those flashy scarlet robes, he wouldn't have thought twice about wearing them in honor of his friend. And, in that world, they would have shared the grief of today. They would have cried at the loss and laughed with remembrance together.
But … that wasn't the world he lived in. James and Lily were dead because Black betrayed them. And Peter was dead because Black murdered him … and Remus was alone, in second-hand dress robes that were too tight.
The crowd paying their respects dispersed and he took advantage of the opportunity. No doubt there would be another crowed gathering soon.
He went to Lily's casket first. He told her Harry was safe, that he was with her sister. And he knew that didn't sound good at all as Lily had never gotten along with her sister, but Dumbledore had weaved a spell that would ensure Harry was protected from any Death Eaters seeking revenge as long as he was living with Petunia. He told her that he had offered to take Harry, but Dumbledore had insisted that the Muggles house was the safest place with the spell he had used, and, given his condition, it was probably for the best.
He placed the stuffed animal, a wolf, he held in the casket with Lily. One of the first things Lily had bought when she found out she was pregnant was four stuffed animals: a stag, a wolf, a rat, … and a dog. Much to James' dismay, Harry had taken to the wolf more than any of them. Harry never went anywhere without it (or at least until a few days ago) and the wolf had began to show the wear of being loved by a child.
"That wolf is as shabby looking as you, Remus," James would say, and they would laugh.
He approached James' casket now. The crowed was starting to gather again.
From the moment, he had walked in, he knew something was wrong. Everything was wrong about this day, so he had brushed it off as grief over losing his friends at the hand of another. But now, standing at James' coffin, he thought he knew what the nagging felling was.
James didn't look like James. He couldn't place it for a minute what was wrong then it hit him. He had never seen James' hair so neat. From the moment they had meet on the Hogwarts Express, James had be recognizable by the untidy black mess on his head.
Before he knew what he was doing, he reached out. His hand shrank away immediate at the touch. James' skin was cold. Too cold. But …
One of the perfect locks was out of place, and suddenly he could see James again. He hesitated for a moment, then he reached out his hand and messed the hair like he had seen James do a hundred times before.
Tears were rolling down his face, when he placed the gift he had brought into James' folded hands: the snitch James had nicked from Hogwarts so many years ago.
"Thank you for everything," he said, his voice thick with a emotion.
Then with that goodbye, Remus Lupin left the last of his friends.
