A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Erskine, Ghastly, Tanith or Billy-Ray. Val is in her late 20s, her point of view. Mild spoilers if you haven't read the books, some stuff shifted around to suit the plot. And in case you missed the description, yes it is lesbian Valduggery. Skul's a woman, whoo-hoo!


We'd just wrapped up a case with our usual amount of violence and Skulduggery was beyond pleased with herself, having personally tossed cuffed criminals into the van the Cleavers would escort them to the Sanctuary gaol in. As we drove along a moonlit country road I looked at Skulduggery. Not obviously, of course, but the effect of the moonlight that filtered through the clouds here and there on her skull was hypnotic. She had chosen to wear only her hat, her scarf and sunglasses casually abandoned on the seat beside her, and I chose not to mention it. I also chose not to mention how beautiful she was in moonlight since I didn't think she'd like to hear it.

As I turned my gaze away, she spoke. "Hitting the bad guys is always fun, isn't it?" She asked cheerfully and I nodded, smiling. "I really like hitting bad guys, comes with the job. It's the part where they hit me back I don't like. My skull is sore." I sucked in air and turned my head so I wouldn't laugh. For someone who acted invincible as long as we were fighting, Skulduggery Pleasant always made sure to whine to me about the unfairness of being hit back.

"I know." I managed in sympathy. My own head felt like bongo drums were playing despite the pills the medic had forced on me.

"Are you OK?" Her velvety voice questioned. The question took my by surprise. Usually Skulduggery acted as if her loyal combat accessory couldn't take any damage.

"I'm sore, but Ill live."

"Good." She said cheerfully. "Then I'm taking you out to eat. There's a place I know of a ways from here, a safe haven for mages, you'll love the food, I promise. Why don't you lean back and get some sleep and I'll wake you once we get there?"

"Skulduggery, it's after midnight. And what if you fall into meditation and wreck the Bentley?" I argued sleepily, but complied and soon I was fast asleep. I felt my shoulder being shaken gently and opened my eyes to see a charming stone cottage.

"Wow, I honestly thought these places only existed for tourists." I admitted and she chuckled.

"Nonsense, tourists wouldn't even find this place. Neither would mortals. Out with ye, then." She said good-naturedly and it occurred to me that she was being sweet for once. I wondered where her biting sarcasm had went but decided not to mention it as she got the door for me, then led me inside. Somehow the cottage was much larger inside, big enough to be a full restaurant. It was done more in the style of a pub, but I didn't mind since the heavenly aroma of beef stew filled the air.

Skulduggery picked a table for us, then sighed in satisfaction as we sat down. "Isn't this lovely?" She asked and I nodded. "Lovely" wasn't a word she normally used. I can't repeat the words she normally uses in polite company. "This is exactly the sort of place I loved eating in back when I could." She mused, snagging my menu. "Forget the menu, go for the stew, I know you want it."

She then ordered me coffee and after a moment's decision a piece of blueberry cobbler for dessert. The detective in me knew she was either buttering me up for something or this was part of her old cheerful personality emerging. I couldn't be cruel and ask her if she'd lost her mind. Instead I looked at her. "Thank you, Skulduggery." I said and she waved a gloved hand, chuckling.

"I owe you this, Valkyrie. You've been with me for over a decade now, and how often do we sit down and eat together?" She asked. I ventured a small smile then murmured my thanks as the waiter brought my coffee. Skulduggery watched me drink with a wistful expression and my heart broke for her. I still hadn't figured out how I could see her expressions, but I did.

Her bones didn't move obviously, that would just be silly. And maybe it was a trick of the light or my mind playing tricks on me, but I swore her expression did change. I smiled, remembering all the times she'd glared at me for one reason or another and I'd pretended not to notice. I looked up, meeting what passed for her eyes, not sure how I did that, either.

It wasn't that you could see what was there, but I could meet her gaze nonetheless and now she was looking at me in utter fascination. "How do you do that?" She asked. I shrugged and would have replied, but my hearty stew came. I thanked the waiter then dug in, dipping the homemade bread.

"I wish you could eat with me." I said and she nodded.

"I know, but it's enough to watch you eat. It doesn't creep you out, does it? Having a skeleton staring at you?" She asked, curious as ever.

I smiled and patted her hand. "You're my skeleton, so, no." I said with a grin and she smiled in reply. Skulduggery was charming the whole meal, talking about her past to a degree she never had before. I felt sorry that she'd have to drive back, but she had another surprise for me.

The cottage had a warren of underground guest rooms, and Skulduggery had reserved one for us. It was small, barely big enough for a bed and chair, but it had a small fire going and it was clean and cozy with a private bath. I got Skulduggery settled in her chair, then was going to bed when she shivered slightly. I got the extra blanket from the bed and wrapped it around her. "I'm not cold." She protested, trying feebly to knock the blanket off.

"Skulduggery, you were shivering. I can't have you getting sick. You do feel cold and heat, admit it." I said. She muttered something sleepily, then consented to being bundled up. With her taken care of I crawled into bed and was asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.


The next morning Skulduggery was up and cheerful as sunlight filtered in the artifical windows. "Morning, Valkyrie!" She chirruped happily. "Why don't you get dressed and I'll take you out to breakfast, OK?" She asked brightly and I nodded. As I showered I wondered if she hadn't at last gone completely insane, but I didn't have the heart to ask.

Maybe we've just done one case too many. I thought.

I came out dressed and looked at her. Somehow her suit was as immaculate as always and her fedora was tilted at a suitably rakish angle. But there were times, like then that it really hit me that she was a skeleton and therefore very vulnerable in a fight. Not that she wasn't the best fighter I knew, but it terrified me to think of the bad guys taking her away from me one day. My thoughts must have shown on my face because she bundled me into her. "I'm stronger than I look, Valkyrie Cain, you know that." She said gently.

I nodded and wrapped my arms around my best friend, snuggling in for a second. We rarely hugged anymore and I had missed how safe she could always make me feel. "That's better." She murmured, stroking my hair. "Well, to breakfast. Then we'll have a lovely drive to Ghastly's office, perhaps stop for lunch along the way." She said and it clicked. She was as relieved as I was to be alive and to have her partner in one piece. The fight with the bad guys had been a near thing and we'd both been sure it was the end.

I gave her a brave smile and nodded. "Sounds good. Fast drive or short drive?" I asked, meaning how angry would Ghastly get if we didn't show up as soon as possible.

"Long drive, I think." She said, understanding my meaning. "Ghastly doesn't even care if we make it in today, but I thought we should." I agreed and pushed the last of my fears away so I could enjoy breakfast with her. Skulduggery was charming at breakfast as well and I felt my heart flutter. She wasn't flirting with me, was she? When she patted my hand playfully I blushed.

Soon we were walking out to the Bentley and Skulduggery was looking at me fondly as we settled in. "Seatbelt. And isn't it a lovely day, Valkyrie?" She asked as she put the Bentley into drive and I nodded. "You can put the radio on if you like." She offered and I did, content with whatever she had it tuned to. "Well, that's a first." She put in mildly, and I grinned at her.

"You rub off on people." I said and she snorted. "You do. I'd rather be here with you than anywhere else." I admitted. Whoops. I hadn't meant to say that, to admit how much she meant to me. The last thing in the world I wanted was for Skulduggery to figure out how I felt for her. Luckily, she missed it.

"Well, of course you'd want to be with me, Valkyrie. I'm witty, charming, clever and I always wear perfectly tailored suits." She preened.

"I've always meant to ask you about that." I said and she snorted again.

"I'm a skeleton, Valkyrie. I have to cover up somehow and men's clothing does a better job of it. Have you ever tried to chase anyone in a floor-length dress? It's impossible is what it is. I was wearing men's clothing centuries before other women. And I don't think it detracts a bit from my stunning good looks." She said teasingly, and I could feel her sidelong glance.

"It doesn't, Skulduggery. You're still very pretty." I said, blushing furiously, and she chuckled. Skulduggery liked women to tell her she was beautiful. She tended to hit men who did it. But then she had to be tough to be a detective. That, and she only loved women. It had been a mystery she had to probe when I'd started dating boys, but she'd always been supportive and I loved her for it.

We stopped at a gas station where she immediately got me a large travel mug of coffee, candy bars, Cokes and a few magazines. I wasn't sure where her sudden need to shower me with gifts was coming from, but I loved her for that too. "Thank you, Skulduggery." I said as we got settled.

"Not a problem." She said cheerfully. "Seatbelt. And you can read me some tidbits from the magazines if you like. Oh, and eat in the car if you would. It's unseemly when you hang out of it." I nodded, hiding my smile. She couldn't quite say that she cared, but she was doing the best she knew how. So I read her various articles and she seemed content to hear my voice. That was odd, but then so was her behaviour lately. When I unwrapped a chocolate bar I remembered my dream. I chuckled then caught her questioning glance. "In my dream I was telling you about a dream. You could eat, suddenly. I gave you a little bit of the chocolate bar and you managed it." She looked at me thoughtfully.

"Then let's try, because I had the same dream. To tell you the truth, Valkyrie, the magic they hit us with was like nothing I've encountered before. Maybe it gave me new abilities." She then opened her jaws obligingly and I put in a square of chocolate, expecting it to drop through her jaw. But it didn't. "More, please." She asked, and soon I was feeding her little bits of everything, and she had sips of coffee and the Coke as well.

"Do you think it's permanent?" I asked and she shrugged happily. She was very close to being the cheerful, happy skeleton she'd been when we first met and I wondered just what kind of magic she'd been hit with. Still, she was happy and that was all I really cared about.

When we at last arrived at the Sanctuary Skulduggery was still in good spirits and between all the sugar, caffeine and cheerful music she'd found on the radio I didn't wonder why. I just hoped Ghastly didn't think I'd managed to get her drunk. As soon as we entered his office Ghastly smiled at us. Tanith, freshly returned after her own case looked at me and raised her eyebrows after Skulduggery cheerfully greeted them both.

"Not to be rude, Skul, but are you all right?" Ghastly asked and once she assured him she was he offered me tea.

"For us both, please?" She asked and I hurried to assure Ghastly who looked alarmed at the idea.

"She can eat and drink now. Something about the magic they hit us with, I think." I said and he nodded.

"Well, that's just it, Val. I have no idea what type of magic those men had. No one does. They're here of course, but not talking." He said, putting tea in front of both of us.

"I could make them talk." Skulduggery offered sweetly, but we both saw the rotten expression of her skeletal features. I noted that Ghastly could read her too and stored that bit of info for later.

"I'm sure you could." Ghastly said. "But we'll get them to talk through less violent means. Once you're finished with your tea, Skulduggery, Erskine would like to see you about your next case." He said and she drained her mug. "Alone, Val, sorry." He said and I sat back down with a frown.

As soon as she'd left he turned to me. "Is she all right?" He asked worriedly and I shrugged.

"I think so. Her being giddy right now is my fault. She hasn't eaten for for centuries and I let her have chocolate, coffee and soda. Sorry, Ghastly, I wasn't thinking." I said, expecting a lecture, but he sighed in relief then actually smiled at me.

"Good! I know you're sweet on her, Val, I suspect she knows as well. That could explain it. You're in your late twenties now, so well-" He shrugged.

"So I'm old enough for her to court?" I asked amused and he nodded. Tanith squealed happily over the idea and would have no doubt given me advice, but Skulduggery reappeared, clearly excited.

"We're going on a stakeout in Dublin, Val! You'll love it." She assured me as she doffed her hat to all and sundry, then swept me out of the office and out to the Bentley. "By the way, from what the doctors figure, the eating and drinking is a new and permanent ability. So we'll order room service when we get there." She said cheerfully.

"Room service?" I asked, mystified.

"Yes, the new hotel they installed, we'll be conducting our stakeout from the top floor. And we have carte blanche on expenses, so we'll order something good." She said, nodding decisively. And soon the Bentley was pulling up to the new hotel. It was rumoured to be one of the highest buildings in Dublin, if not the highest. I knew it was with twenty stories. Not tall by most of the world's standards, but tall enough for us.

After we checked in the elevator whisked us up to our suite and we were both in awe of the glamour of the place. Skulduggery, always having bags packed for us in the boot had brought them up and set them on the plushly carpeted floor. "Well, it certainly is opulent, isn't it?" May I make you something, Valkyrie?" We've hours before our nighttime stakeout." She offered.

"Tea would be lovely. But didn't you want to order room service?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Later, perhaps. A very good partner would help me make short work of our gift basket." She said nodding towards it and I agreed. She made the tea from it, and I plated up the shortbread cookies for us, and heated up the scones slightly. We even found whipped cream for them in the fridge and preserves. It was the strangest stakeout we'd ever been on, but I didn't mind.

As we ate Skulduggery was getting to taste everything for the first time, so I was happy to watch her eat, then push over some of my cookies. I understood then why she liked watching me eat. It felt good to see someone I cared about so happy. Skulduggery lounged on the couch with me after we'd finished, one bony arm slung along the back of the sofa.

"What would you like to do?" She asked. "We could watch some TV, or explore some of the other wonders this place has. If I'm not mistaken that is a whirlpool in the corner." I looked at her curiously.

"I don't have suit. And shouldn't we be getting ready for our stakeout? You seemed really excited about it." I said.

"Oh, I am. And it just so happens that I packed you a swimsuit. Some kind of material Ghastly wants you to try out, I think. Go on then, get changed." She said. And I did, wondering when a stakeout had turned into a vacation. The suit was black with a touch of the red Ghastly stubbornly insisted on putting in all my protective clothing.

It also hugged all my curves and although decent I felt exposed. I'd have normally worn less at times, but this was Skulduggery. I shrugged and headed out to the whirlpool. I had to laugh in delight. Skulduggery was already in the warm and bubbly water, soaking in delight. But it was the champagne glasses she'd snagged and filled with Coke that made me smile.

She rose and helped me step in. "You look simply lovely." She said in awe.

"So do you, Skulduggery. I mean it." I said and I swore she blushed. She was wearing an old fashioned hooded swimsuit that covered her entire body except for her feet and hands, and it did make her look charming. It was also a bit loose and had a skirt of sorts. But the blue and white horizontal stripes worked well for her. Matching gloves and blue swim shoes of the same material completed her outfit.

We toasted one another. "To our current case." Skulduggery said and I echoed her. It was sinking in that there might actually not be a case or Skulduggery had decided there was time for romance as well. My heart fluttered at the idea, but I was too shy to ask. She tilted her head and watched me as I sipped my drink. "Penny for your thoughts?" She asked.

I smiled. "I was just thinking that you know how to live, Skulduggery. You're quite the hedonist." I teased and she laughed.

"Aren't I just? A beautiful view, a beautiful girl in a hot tub, and all the bubbly I want." She said, topping off our glasses. She smiled at me coyly, meeting my gaze, hers going soft. I felt myself leaning towards her, I was ready to kiss her, but I chickened out and leaned back. Besides, I knew the rules. Skulduggery would kiss me when she was darn good and ready.

"Sorry." I apologized, then glanced at her. She didn't seem offended. "There isn't any case, is there?" I asked and she shook her head.

"We were exposed to an entirely new kind of magic, Valkyrie. We've been given two weeks paid leave. I wanted to reward you for your bravery, and show you how I feel for you, so a vacation seemed to be in order. But I knew you might misunderstand my intentions, so Erskine happily agreed to give us a 'case'." She paused, fingering the rim of her glass. "You aren't angry with me, are you?"

"Angry? No. I'm touched you thought enough to take me on vacation. And I didn't do anything special." I protested.

"Nonsense, I'd been knocked to the ground, Valkyrie. We both know they would have killed me with the next blast. But you charged in, taking direct hits and took out one of them with your fists, giving me time to get up and hammer the other into submission."

Ah, so there's the Skulduggery I know and love. I thought.

"OK, so I did something." I admitted. "But why would you think I'd misunderstand your intentions?" I asked.

"Because, my most loyal combat accessory, while we were going through with the pretend stakeout I intended to tell you how I feel for you, how I've felt for some time." She set her drink down on the side of the hot tub, then looked at me. "Can you guess how I feel for you, Valkyrie Cain? How many times I've wanted to tell you, but was terrified you'd be repulsed by the idea of kissing a skeleton, even if it is hard to tell I am a woman?" She looked at me sadly. "Somehow this all worked out better in my head. We were on the stakeout and I kissed you in the darkness-" I cut her off with a lingering kiss.

I was hesitant at first, adjusting to her teeth, wanting to be sure it wasn't one of her elaborate jokes she liked to play on me. But I heard her sigh and her arms wrapped around me. We could have stayed like that forever, but I heard a rap on the door. "Room service." A masculine voice called.

I exchanged glances with Skulduggery. "I took the liberty of ordering, still, be careful." She said. I nodded and she helped me out, then we put the hotel's white fluffy robes on over our suits. I walked to the door and looked through the little eyehole. The man was dressed in the uniform of the hotel and had a covered tray on a rolling cart, along with some bottles. I frowned, then opened the door.

I expected the man to rush me or draw a gun, or something else thrilling. But he merely rolled in the cart, pointed out the sparkling juice in the chilled bottles, then took a tip from Skulduggery who had pulled her hood closed and left. I looked at her and she shrugged happily. "Sometimes room service is just room service." She said, smiling. "Why not get changed?" We have two rooms so we can meet back here, yes?" She asked and I agreed, changing into jeans, trainers and a black tee she'd packed for me and wishing I had something more dressy.

But she didn't seem to mind as we sat down to our lunch. "You look lovely, as always." She murmured, coming around to get my seat. "I meant what I said, Val. I am in love with you and I didn't bring you here to seduce you. I want to take things slow." I nodded. We talked as we ate, but I found myself fighting off sleepiness. Strange. Strange too that Skulduggery was blinking what passed for her eyes.

"I think we've been drugged." I managed before the room faded away and blackness consumed me. I awoke, no longer in the room, but tied up in a chair with Skulduggery tied up across from me. We were somewhere cold and damp, and when I saw our captor I groaned.

"Hello, little darlin'." Billy-Ray Sanguine said cheerfully. "Guess what magic trick I learned?" He asked removing his sunglasses. He tapped his collarbones and a new face flowed up to cover his own. The bellhop. I cursed and he grinned. "I even managed to cover up my accent, ain't that somethin'?" He asked.

Skulduggery glared at him. "You touch one hair on her head and I will kill you." She warned. "Where are we, anyhow?" She asked.

He had time enough to say "hotel basement" and Skulduggery snapped off the cuffs binding her magic, the rose, easily breaking the ropes that held her. That was new, and impressively scary. She hit Sanguine hard in the jaw and he went down, then rolled way from her, lashing out with his feet to trip her.

Skulduggery evaded and stomped on his head, and he howled. I struggled against my bonds because I could see her control slipping away. After several savage kicks to the ribs she reached down and collared him, then flung him against the stone wall. He bounced off, bloody and bruised and she caught him one-handed. He fumbled for his razor, but she caught his hand and crushed it. "Why are you here? Talk." She hissed.

"To kidnap y'all. So I could exchange prisoners for Miss Low." He managed.

"She is not a prisoner, and she doesn't like you very much." Skulduggery said, drawing her gun and cocking it. "And neither do I." She said, pressing the barrel underneath his chin. Sanguine's face went wild.

"Skulduggery, that's enough!" I said. " He knows when he's beaten, doesn't he?" I asked, and he frantically nodded.

"I'm beat, I'm beat." He said, blood starting to trickle from his mouth, and I knew he was. Skulduggery looked at him then growled in contempt and dropped him. He didn't move, didn't try to tunnel away, and I wondered how much damage she'd done. I also wondered how he'd got us both down in the basement without anyone noticing. "Service elevator." He groaned as Skulduggery untied me. "Shift change, took my chances."

Skulduggery nodded as if she'd expected as much, and soon enough we were back in our room. Sanguine had been dumped out in an alley behind the hotel and advised to seek medical help. I shivered slightly as I sat on the couch and Skulduggery flicked the fireplace on for me. "I'm sorry you had to see that." She said. "But no one hurts you. Not now, not ever. I'll get our real room service, or at least that exchanged." She said and I nodded.

We should have been sick as dogs from the drugs, but we both ate ravenously on the sofa in front of the TV. Good roast beef sandwiches and more coffee than any two women should drink. Skulduggery grinned at me. "I phoned the Sanctuary. He'll be picked up directly. We have a new cell, just for him, he won't be tunneling out of it anytime soon." She said with a grin. "That and he'll get treatment. I wanted to kill him, you know." She said softly.

"I know, and maybe I was wrong to stop you. He'll just recover and go after Tanith again."

"Oh, I called Ghastly as well as you got washed up for this meal." She grinned hugely. "He's going to have a very intense, and no doubt, rather painful for Billy-Ray, talk with him." She chuckled, again pleased with herself and the world.

And as I cuddled into her I was thankful we'd escaped death again, and wondered what other powers she had gained and if I'd been seeing new ones too.