(A/N: Killian comes across some modern swimwear, without realizing that's what he's looking at. If you don't know what a "Swimming Sock" is... Don't look it up. It's fucking weird. Rated T for implications? Sure.)


"Swan, what is this?"

Clothes shopping with Killian was always an adventure, and Emma was used to hearing this by now. She turned around to see Killian looking at swimwear. Her eyebrows shot up as he held up a scrap of fabric, intended for men, and for once she didn't have an answer.

"Killian, I-I don't know. I honestly don't know."

He holds the tube of fabric closer to look at the tag and squints.

"Swim sock," he reads, and furrows his brows further. "But why would someone wear socks when they're swimming? And it's not exactly shaped the right way." Of course, the light goes off in Emma's head and it takes everything in her whole being to not blast the thing out of his hand with magic. The only reason she doesn't is because she isn't sure she could do it without hurting Killian in the process. So instead she laughs.

Because how do you explain to a 300 year old pirate that it's a penis pocket, a sausage sack, a schlong stocking to cover just your manly bits when you're swimming?

"Judging by the way you're laughing I should just put it down and walk away, shouldn't I?" he finally asks.

"Put it- put it down," she finally gasps out, sucking in deep breaths in an attempt to calm down.

"Are you going to explain?" he asks, single eyebrow raised. Emma just shakes her head.

"Nope."

Two weeks later, he bursts into the sheriff station with wide eyes, a slightly horrified look taking over his whole face.

"Happy has one," he says grimly. "I'll never unsee it."

Emma tries and fails to remain in her chair when she starts laughing.