"You...stare"
Harry had finally cornered him.
He started to stare at him during first term.
Now mind you these stare weren't fury filled. There was no anger. Just questions. These stares were intense, as if he wanted to find something out, like Harry had a secret and he want to desperately wanted know. Malfoy unnerved him. He'd never know this, but sometimes his mere presences was intimidating.
He had been trying to work up the nerve to confront him for nearly two weeks.
He had a right to say something about it, Harry told himself. Now in a shared detention he had his chance.
He waited for him to say something. Maybe he should repeat himself. Lips open to repeat unnoticed words.
"I heard you, Potter" Malfoy said, not looking up from his notes that he'd been scribbling away at for the last half-hour.
Harry's mouth snapped shut, his words swallowed. Nervousness washed over him in itching waves. Shaking himself out of the feeling, he clinched his sweaty fists.
Sticking his chin out a little, he asked coldly, "Well?"
After another infuriating moment, Malfoy dropped his quill and trained pewter eyes on him.
Moments passed. Two ..three. He looked away.
Malfoy inhaled sharply and as if it hurt, he said softly, "I'm sorry."
Harry choked.
This was not how he pictured this conversation going.
Draco Malfoy had just apologized to Harry Potter.
He hoped that all those in Hell had warm winter coats, otherwise they where going to freeze.
He said the first thing that came to mind, "Why?"
Completely ignoring him, Malfoy stood and walked over to the window, turning, he leaned against it. He loosen his tie and put his hands in his pockets.
Harry clinched his jaw in effort to remain causal.
Malfoy cocked his head to the side, studying him like he did so often.
Harry tried not to squirm under his sliver gaze.
"I apologize if it makes you uncomfortable" He place a hand to his chest. "Me. Looking at you. But I don't think I can stop." Malfoy said, his voice full of calm.
Harry looked down at his hands, shocked and not understanding why his words made his breath stop.
His hands going back into fists, he asked. Again. "Why?" He looked up at Malfoy and licked his dry lips.
Something flashed in his grey eyes ..Pain?
Malfoy's jaw locked and he looked away. He said simply, "You don't smile."
Confusion washed over Harry in waves.
What the hell did it matter to Draco Malfoy if Harry Potter smiled or not?
"What?" Harry asked in true bewilderment.
Looking at him as though he were a foolish first year Malfoy said, " Everyone's happy. The Light and all that is good have won the War. You, Wonder boy, single handedly vanquished the Dark Lord. Everyone's happy, they smile. You don't. To me that stands out. So, I stare"
And for the millionth time in his life, Harry Potter was at a loss for words.
Draco Malfoy stared at him not because he was planning his death or something reasonable like that, he stared at him because he wanted to know why he wasn't happy.
Well Malfoy was more of an idiot then he first suspected because he was happy.
He had everything he could ever want. Load of crazy friends that were practically family, a great job after graduation with the Ministry and girl that loved him.
Of course he was happy...
"I… I am happy, Malfoy" Harry said in confusion
Malfoy blinked at him.
And as though a thousand different words wanted to pass through his mouth at once, he all but shouted "Lair!"
Jaw dropping, Harry was once again speechless.
Malfoy relax stance was completely ruin by his body going suddenly rigid in what Harry believed was unjust anger.
Hands coming out of his pockets to go into fists, Malfoy took an unsteady step forward.
Still shocked and wary, Harry stood. And mirrored Malfoy's unsteady step, but instead went backwards.
"I see it all the bloody time! …And your smile, it's…it's not real" Malfoy said in a shaking voice.
Blinking, Harry started shaking his head in denial even as memories of the War and it's sacrifices threaten to drown him as they resurfaced.
"Malfoy.." His voice cracked
Malfoy took another step forward. Alarmed Harry moved even farther from the obviously distraught boy.
"What the hell are you on about, Malfoy?" Harry almost shouted, his voice going slightly shrill.
Pale face twisting and flushing, Malfoy took two frightening steps forward.
"It's a lie! All of it. You…pretending to be okay. After everything that happen. How can you just pretend…as if.. as if none of it happen! You all just went on with your happy little, safe lives. What about the people who lost everything? Their families? You have no.." Malfoy cut himself by what sounded awfully like a choked sob.
No longer able to contain himself any longer, Harry vision blurred.
"You…You think I don't think about th-that?" Harry asked his throat going tight.
Malfoy open his mouth to speak once more, but Harry stopped him by stepping forward and coming face to face with him.
"I .. I don't sleep, Malfoy." Harry said calmly.
Confusion spiked Malfoy's fair brows.
Before he could say anything Harry interrupted him.
"If I sleep, I dream. I- I can still hear the screams…"
From some detached place within him, Harry realized with great alarm, that this was MALFOY he was talking too. But for some unknown reason he couldn't bring himself to care.
"Have you ever just...prayed for death, Malfoy?" Harry asked calmly even as hot tears race unchecked down his cheeks.
And with that something in Malfoy seem to break. Everything in him seemed to just fall. His shoulders slumped and his face crumpled. But before his tears could fall, Malfoy turned away.
Harry had absolutely no idea what he was doing but he reached out and touched his back with a trembling hand. As soon as Harry's hand touched him, a sob seemed to be torn from the boy.
Even as his own tears fell, Harry stepped closer and tried to get Malfoy to look at him but he refuse to let Harry see his face. Oddly he didn't move away from his touch, even more odd he seems to move closer.
"Malfoy ..I ..Please?" Harry whispered, vowing in his mind he must be dreaming, because there NO WAY that this was really happening.
Fisting his hands in his shirt, Malfoy moved his head slightly so that Harry could see his face.
His watery eyes still refuse to meet his.
"I think about the War every single day. There are some days when I can think of nothing else. But ..I don't dwell…Because if I do, I'll never be able to see beyond that. Your family…I'm sorry that you lost them. Really, I am." Harry finished by gently patting his back.
Malfoy body still seemed to be collapsing upon itself, so Harry did something utterly and absolutely stupid.
He pulled Draco Malfoy into his arms.
But Malfoy went completely rigid and he seemed to have stopped breathing all together.
Feeling completely foolish, Harry quickly turned him loose and stepped back.
"I'm sorry, Mal-"
But before he could get his apology out, Malfoy let out an anguished wail and threw himself back at Harry with so much force that Harry fell down on his rear with Malfoy trying to wrap his entire body around him.
Harry was stunned motionless.
Legs and arms securely wrapped around him, wet face pressed into his throat, Malfoy begin chant in an low, unsteady voice, " Please, please, please, please…."
Shaking, Harry place his arms around the trembling blond…and slowing began to rock.
"It's…Everything's alright…it's okay, I promise." Harry whispered softly into his hair.
Dazed, Harry kept rocking and hoping deep down that this wasn't a dream. He had not the slightest reason way he seemed to want to be holding Malfoy. But there he was sitting on the Potions chamber floor, holding a weeping Malfoy, who it seemed was trying to fuse himself to Harry, when clearly it was impossible to be any closer.
Hating himself for it and not entirely sure why, Harry said softly, " Malfoy...I…detention is almost over…Snape should be back soon, so we probably should not…be doing this."
At the mention of them separating, Malfoy's body seemed to seize up, his blunt nails digging into the flesh of Harry's arms. Malfoy's sobs started to take over, his body quivering.
Feeling foolishly brave, Harry whispered, close to his ear, causing the blond to whimper, "We…we can meet again, some other time to…if… that is…if you want me to…hold you again?"
Silence.
Heart clinching painfully, Harry started to retract his offer when…
"Ah, god…Yes…Harry, please…." He said hoarsely.
"Okay", Harry replied, oddly close to tears again.
After a few more moments of quiet, foot steps sounded outside in the hall.
Quickly, Harry stood Malfoy still attached to him. Carefully he peeled the resisting boy away from him a stepped away.
"When?" Malfoy rasped, struggling to straighten his uniform.
Mind still spinning, Harry choked out, "Whenever you need me…"
Looking very Un-Malfoy like and wiping his face on his sleeve, Malfoy gave a bitter laugh. "That's now and always, Potter "
Reeling in shock, Harry stared.
Seeing Harry's shock, Malfoy bashfully looked down at the floor and whispered, " I guess we have a lot to talk about, aye?"
"Yeah", Harry croaked out.
Suddenly the Potion chamber door were flung open and Snape swept in.
Eyeing both the boys flushed and rumpled state Snape asked coldly, "Why is it that two of the most powerful wizards of this century resort to fighting like school age children?"
"Sir…", Both boys said at the same time.
"If you both don't kindly shut up right now, you'll both be serving detention well into your 40s." Snape hissed.
"Now, off to bed with the with the two of you, and please manage not kill one another on your way out!"
"Yes sir!" Both teens scurried to the still open doors.
The doors was barely shut before Draco threw his arms around Harry neck and whispered in a whimpering rush, " The tower, tomorrow at 10, I'll be waiting." Pressing an open mouth kiss to the base of Harry's throat, Draco turned and hurried down the darkened corridor.
Placing trembling fingers to his throat, Harry stood and tried to absorbed what had just happened during and after detention.
It didn't matter.
All Harry Potter knew at that moment is that at 10 tomorrow in would happen again.
He was already counting the seconds.
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