Misconceptions
Reno
Alright, if you're reading this, then you're probably one of them.
Yeah, I said it, an offender.
One of those that have been 'claiming' that certain behaviors pertain to me. Well, I'm here to disprove your little 'cleverly thought up theories', and I don't give a rat's ass if there are hurt feelings in the process.
Misconception #1: "Smoke on the water"
I would like to know exactly when and where I lit up a cigarette. Show me some proof, and I will gladly pick up a pack and start that nasty ass habit, because obviously, that's what I would do...
...except I wouldn't, because I've never done that in my life.
It's smelly and expensive. You really think I can sneak around as best I can (that is in the job description for a Turk), smelling like that?
Also, do you people honestly believe I can afford that habit?
I can't, in case you're wondering. Tseng's the one gettin' all the munny around here, not us...
This 'lighting up' leads me to another misconception, actually...
Misconception #2: "They call me Spitfire"
Whether it's because my hair is red, or you people are all just obsessive pyros, believe it or not, I'm not all that fascinated by fire. That shit can kill you, or at least give you a nasty burn.
If I'm not fiddling with a lighter, I'm somehow involved with the flames. Come on, people, I know you can think of something better for me to do! Get those creative juices flowin' man!
Misconception #3: "It's beginning to look a lot like torture"
This one...just kind of disturbs me...
...and I'm not quite sure how it occurred, but because of it, I have seriously debated getting another weapon...
...although it's unlikely the Prez would allow me one, 'specially if I told him the reason...he'd laugh his ass off at me, then send me off on a mission...
WHY DO I HAVE AN EMR FETISH?
Yes, you read that correctly. EMR. Fetish.
Shoving it in orifices, torturing people with it and laughin'...
What the fuck am I to you, a psychopath?
And not only is it this weird fetish you guys have cooked up, it's the people I'm doing it with!
Which brings me to, not one, but 2 misconceptions!
Misconception #4: "Cloud and Rufus and Rude, oh my!"
I know all of these men in separate social settings.
Rufus, obviously, is the President-my boss.
Rude, my silent partner in crime.
Cloud, the quiet but deadly man with problems I don't even wanna scratch the surface of.
There are others, but let's stick with these three for now.
Simply because I know them...does NOT MEAN I AM FUCKIN 'EM!
What a terrible assumption!
Besides, those are some bad options...
Rufus? Pshh, he's obviously got a thing for Tseng...
Rude? Really? Well, he'd be just terrible, wouldn't make any noises.
And Cloud? Pft, if I even thought about it (which I haven't), he'd kill me.
Moving on to the next problem...
Misconception #5: "I can't wait for you to fuck me up"
Since when did I become the whore of the series?
No, seriously. A big majority of your little 'fan stories' depict me as a home-wrecking whore.
Or at least a whore.
Is this the redhead thing again?
Are they known for being loose?
Or is it just my cocky ass personality?
It would be kinda amusing if it weren't so gross...after reading about yourself just goin at it with like a million different people...
...it's unsettlin', to say the least.
I'm sure there are plenty more, but I'm just waaaay too disgusted at this point to go into further detail. Clean up ya stories, ya fuckin nasties!
Did Reno amuse you? x) It's a continuing series, so be on the look-out for my next disgusted final fantasy boy! :)
