Story by Pistolwink. Obviously, Pistolwink neither owns these characters nor the world they interact with.
"I...LONELY..."
Wei Yan was feeling lonely after a night of drinking. Liu Bei had Sun Shang Xiang; Ma Chao had Zhao Yun; Zhuge Liang had Jiang Wei AND Yue Ying, that horny dog...Yanners had nobody, and that made him very sad.
Fed up with nobody loving him, the wildman began wandering the halls.
He heard some giggling coming from a corner.
"Ooo, get away from me, you dirty old man!" Yanners followed the voice, finding Huang Zhong with his hands in a maid's top.
Ugh. Even that old fart was getting some.
He kept walking around the palace, hoping to find someone as lonely as he was.
"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD..." He recognized the voice as that of Zhao Yun. Hiding behind a screen, he figured he could at least relieve some tension watching Ma Chao and Zhao Yun.
Wei Yan didn't last very long. "COOOOMINGGG..." the gravelly voice shouted. Yanners was not a quiet fellow.
"GODDAMNIT, WEI YAN, I TOLD YOU NOT TO WATCH...!" Ma Chao, still butt-naked, came barrelling after him, knowing exactly where the wildman was hiding. This wasn't the first time he has found the other general watching him.
Yanners put his junk away as fast as he could and hauled ass out of there stat.
Dejected, he finally wandered into Zhuge Liang's quarters. At this point, he just didn't care anymore.
To his surprise, he found Liang sitting in front of his window, chin resting on his hands. He looked terribly bored.
"ZHUGERS...LONELY?" Hope lit up Wei Yan's face.
"Yes, Wei Yan, Zhugers lonely." The strategist's voice was smooth.
"I...LONELY..." he repeated, in a growl.
"Well, then, we can keep each other company. Bend over."
Something warm was trying to force itself into him.
"WHAT...THIS?"
"Just relax, Wei Yan. This will hurt a little, but you'll enjoy it more if you take it easy, and we won't be lonely anymore."
No sooner had he relaxed a bit and was beginning to enjoy it, when Yue Ying came bursting through the door.
"HUSBAND!" she yelled. "FIRST THAT JIANG BOY AND NOW...THIS?"
Wei Yan put his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to ignore the noise.
"SHUT...UP..." Wei Yan grumbled.
"WEI YAN, YOU ARE OUT OF LINE!" the bitch kept on yelling, and Wei Yan was starting to get a pounding headache.
For the second time that night, he had to pull up his pants and scoot before he got his ass kicked.
He found himself out in the gardens, and sat beneath a cherry tree. He looked over and much to his surprise, saw Jiang Wei looking dejected. The young strategist glanced over at him before speaking. "Kongming's old lady got after you, too, huh?"
"YEAH..." Yanners mumbled, before perking up.
"JIANG...WEI...LONELY?"
