Summary: What if Anna had lived? What does the future look like for her and Severide? Will Kelly be strong enough to help her through? Or crack under the pressure? What could be next for them if she is able to fight? Will they ever get their happily ever after? Takes place from 5x19 on.


Chapter 1: Wake of Devestation

Severide's POV

There is nothing better or more terrifying than the feeling when you know you can't live without somebody. It's something I've let happen very few times in my life. When you get hurt for the first time when you're young...you tend to not really let anybody else in again. I mean, there was a time in my life when I thought I'd be with one person for the rest of my life. When that didn't happen...I closed myself off from it all. I never wanted to need somebody that much ever again. So, I didn't. I've spent most of my life relying on myself. It's hard to let go of all the baggage along the way. Yet, I've also relied on my friends. They've become my family in so many ways. And even when I don't deserve it...they're there. I don't think there is a single thing that Casey and I have been through that would stop us from being best friends at the end of the day. Although, I've learned the hard way that losing true friends also leads to a ton of heartache. Like the day that Shay was killed. Yet, if there is anything I learned from that day...it's that time is fleeting. While I've spent far too many days adrift since, I'm learning more and more lately that it's not the life that I want to live. And if not fate than I don't know what but everything changed for me. My negative thoughts about love and reliability ended the day I met Anna.

When Clarke first came to me about helping her, I hesitated more than a little. I didn't know how deep I'd want to get into a situation with somebody battling a life and death situation. I know, ironic right? That's saying a lot coming from a guy who makes a living saving people's lives. But when the call is over, that's it. There's no connection, it's just onto the next call. Yet, something about it all suddenly changed in me. The way I've lived my life is not something to be proud of. Each day that passes has seemed more and more like I needed something like this to come along. I needed to find a purpose and meaning in my life. I need to know that the life I am living is making a difference. The first day I met Anna, I couldn't believe how unbelievable she was. She had this light in her, that even through all of the horrible days, never went out. I don't think I've ever been in awe of anybody more in my life. I guess, with all she's been through you either choose to accept it or just drown in it all.

I never in a million years thought it as possible to fall for somebody so hard and so fast. That every thought I have is about Anna or how to include her even more in my life. It's pretty incredible if you ask me. Maybe it's just because I've never let myself feel this way before. I've usually run far from it before it could even possibly get to this point. But with Anna...everything is different. I see the world in this new light I never have before. And the craziest thing? I love it. I love the way she makes me feel. I don't think I've ever laughed or smiled more than when she's around. She makes me want to better...she makes me want to be enough. That's why what is happening now is so unfair. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. She doesn't deserve it. I risked everything I possibly could to save her life just a few months ago. The bone marrow transplant was supposed to be enough. She was supposed to get her life back. Afterwards, it seemed like she bounced back amazingly. So much so that the thought of her illness was pretty much gone. She moved to Chicago, started working at Med, and we've been pretty much inseparable. When she freaked out on me, I should have known. I should've know that this had to be it. She walked into that restaurant with this huge weight on her shoulders...something wasn't right. At first I thought it was about my dad. I would completely understand if she wanted to run from a future with another Benny Severide. Even I've tried to run from the possibility of turning into that. But that cold look in her beautiful eyes...something was seriously wrong.

I didn't run right after her...I don't even know why. I figured whatever was going on...she needed time to calm down. It wasn't until the next day that I started to put the pieces together. She wouldn't just give up on this new start. Her new job...this city...me. It didn't make sense, even if she was home sick she wouldn't do this to me. When I finally did realize what was happening...I felt my world fall apart. My heart was in my throat and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The entire ride to Springfield, I tried to find the right words to say to her. First off, I didn't know how bad this really was. But regardless there wasn't anything to say, because this shouldn't be happening. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. I had to find the strength somewhere deep inside of me to face Anna. But while I was alone...I had to let it all flow. My fear, pain, hearache...all of it. I can't lose her. She has quickly become my whole world. I'd do anything I could to help her. And whether or not she wanted me to be...I was gonna be there every day.

The pain and unbelievable fear in her was horrible. I've never seen her like this before. Even when things weren't going well before...she still had this attitude of whatever happens is meant to be. But now...the devastation just overtook her. Maybe it's because after everything she's been through, she actually thought all that was behind her. Maybe it's because her future is suddenly becoming less clear. But whatever it was, she was beyond defeated. She's pushing me away and the more she does...the more I feel like I need to step up. I need to be the one she can be vulnerable with. I need to be the one to help her fight. Whether or not she thinks she can beat this, I have to be the one to believe. I have to believe in faith and love and everything that can go right. I'm scared...I'll admit that much. I'm scared I'm not strong enough to go through all this with her again. I'm scared that she could be right and this prognosis is grim. Then, I'm not sure what I'd do. But I know it wouldn't be good. For right now, I just have to focus on right here and now. Whatever that turns out to be. Because there's really nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for Anna.