Authors Note: Silly love songs AU. In which the Warblers all seriously ADORE Kurt Hummel, and Blaine Anderson is a clueless idiot who needs things spelled out for him. Protective!Warblers not impressed with the idea than their lead soloist has been leading on their amazingly witty one of a kind countertenor and then broke his heart in front of everyone. And they tell him so. Cue epiphany-Blaine feeling like an oblivious asshole. And all the people who hadn't been asking Kurt out in respect to the budding relationship between him and Blaine deciding that he'd officially lost his chance and it was their turn to try wooing the newest Warbler. Which sucks since Blaine sort of just figured out he was in love with him too. OOPS.
"Why the Gap?" Kurt asked sounding more than a bit confused, taking note of several other lost faces amongst the warblers.
"That's where he works, he's the junior assistant manager!" Blaine responded enthusiastically only to look around the room in his excitement and notice that the room had just gone extremely quiet. Half the room was staring at him in a mixture of confusion and anger the rest had their eyes fixed firmly on Kurt filled with concern.
Kurt, whose face had just frozen then completely crumpled eyes glassy and full of undisguised broken pain, shoulders slumping as if subconsciously curling into himself.
Blaine felt confused as to why everyone was reacting to his happy news as if he'd just promised to go on a puppy-killing rampage while shouting hate-speech instead of being in love. Before he could open his mouth and demand an explanation as to why his friends weren't happy for him Kurt was up and out of his chair tearing out of the room with a broken sob slamming the door behind him with Trent, Nick and Jeff hot on his heals only after casting disbelieving furious glares over their shoulders in Blaine's direction.
The minute the door swung shut behind them? It was as if the room had just dropped 20 degree's as all Warblers heads turned to pin him with a look. He once again tried to open his mouth only to hear a furious
"What the actual fuck Blaine?" come from directly behind him at the council table.
He slowly turned and met the enraged and slightly horrified stare of all three council members.
"I don't understand, what do you mean?" Blaine asked carefully.
"Is there a reason you are pronouncing love for and singing to someone other than your boyfriend on Valentines day?" Thad asked slowly brows furrowed.
"And thought it was appropriate to tell him in front of everyone?" Wes continued fixing him with an angry stare.
"Uhh...I dont have a boyfriend? I was sort of hoping to get one out of this when I serenaded Jeremiah?" He responded slowly feeling increasingly lost as he saw eyes widen in pure disbelief and heard whispers break out from the warblers behind him.
"Oh my god...how did he...oh my god he's serious poor Kurt" David muttered pinching between his eyes as Wes hand tightened on his gavel.
"Seriously? If you aren't dating Kurt then what the fuck have you been doing Blaine?" Wes demanded with agreeing noises sounding behind Blaine from the rest of the room.
"Why would you think I was dating Kurt?" he asked only to receive three scoffs in return and choked off silence cut off everyone else.
"Are you kidding? Why wouldn't we assume you where dating Kurt? You monopolize all of his time, you hold his hand constantly, you hug him far longer than would be appropriate for just friends, are constantly touching him whether its you grabbing his hands, his waist, putting your arm over his shoulders, putting a hand on his leg or you are staring at him or his mouth longingly, you go out for coffee dates literally on a daily basis, sing flirty duets, sing all of your solo's staring at him, have movie nights with him where you both cuddle on your bed and fall asleep wrapped up in each other, you are ALWAYS flirting with him. You go out on dates literally every week whether its a movie or a play, people have run into you two enough times we know its a regular thing. Any time someone even attempts to talk to him you jump into the conversation stand nice and close to him and put your arm around him, whether you meant to or not you practically went out of your way to make it clear he was off limits any time someone expressed interest from the first week he was here! " Thad yelled at a taken aback Blaine. Who opened his mouth to respond only to be cut off by David continuing the argument after Thad.
"The only reason he hasn't been asked out for Valentines day by the multitude of guys who like him here..." "Of which there are many Kurt is awesome" Wes muttered as David continued "... is because you have made it extremely clear to everyone that you had already marked your claim seeing as you've been treated him like your boyfriend for months...He'd been acting so much happier the last few days we all thought you two had finally made it official... now all of a sudden you are in love with some Gap employee none of us have ever even heard you talk about once? Including Kurt if his look of complete shock was any indication? He's not the only one who thought you wanted to sing to him for Valentines day. Like...Jesus Blaine Are you freaking kidding me? God no wonder Kurt was so fucking upset, of all people you know exactly why he had to come to Dalton and instead of choosing between being his friend or his love interest you chose some jacked up version of both in some quasi-relationship and spent the last few months leading him on...god this explains so much. I though maybe he was just not into PDA or didn't feel comfortable telling people about you two yet because of what happened at his old school. I thought he was sad all the time because he was still dealing with everything that happened and going from public school to private school. That wasn't it though was it? He was also dealing with being constantly lead on by the guy he was in love with who didn't seem to give a shit what he was doing...I can't even...Ugh I can't be here I'm going to end up punching you and get expelled, I'm going to go check on Kurt" David said shaking his head before standing and moving slowly towards the door with the rest of the Warblers who were also shaking their heads at Blaine as they filed out of the room as well. Leaving Wes and Blaine as the only ones in the room.
"Had we had any idea that you'd been just toying with his head and emotions none of us would have let this go on...you...You need to back off Blaine. Seriously just leave him alone for a while. This is probably going to mess him up for a while and having you around wont make it any easier on him and you sure as hell arent helping him doing what you've been doing. You are not some mystical Gay yoda full of wisdom Blaine. Stringing someone with low self esteem along for months and not letting them get too close to anyone else who could have made them happy and not even realizing you've been doing it is not okay. You can't treat someone like you have feelings for them in return and act like you have no idea why that isn't okay or that it's somehow surprising you broke their heart. I can't see how you could NOT know what you were doing. What where you just holding on to him to keep him away from everyone else? Did you want a back up plan in case you didn't find anyone else you wanted? Do you have any idea how fucked up this is? It'd be one thing if you treated him like just a friend and you simply didn't return his feelings never giving him any reason to think you did... but you dont. You treat him like he's your boyfriend. Only he doesn't get any of the benefits or reassurance of that title. Just enough affection to keep him from moving on, just enough flirting and touching and dates to keep him believing you had feelings for him too while you where out searching for someone else without having the decency to let him know. Of all people you had to pull shit like this on you chose him? someone escaping a bad situation with broken self esteem? Kurt might seem like he's strong and put together and confident but that boy is starved for love and affection Blaine. He could've been out on dates and meeting people and finding out that other people think he's awesome and talented and attractive but instead you had him in some sort of warped non relationship? Anyone with eyes can tell that boy spends 80% of his day just trying to impress you, anything you comment on good or bad you can see him mentally filing it away as if it were the most important thing he would learn that day. Every time you comment on something about him even as a suggestion he practically trips over himself to act accordingly, why he feels like he should have to change to impress you when it seemed so obvious you were crazy about him was beyond any of us but we figured that none of knew that ins and outs of your relationship so it wasn't our place. Now we know though that apparently Kurt has been bending over backwards trying to be who you want because he probably figured with how you acted and him waiting for you to make the next move that everything you commented on must be what was standing in the way of you making things official. It doesn't surprise me now that Kurt was so willing to try and tone himself down to get your attention, he's had zero reassurance from you other than mixed signals and knowing how he feels about you I cant even imagine how he's felt and what it's done to him, especially now seeing as it was all for nothing. In case you where wondering? This is your proposal for the Gap being denied, none of the Warblers are going to be helping you devastate him more so you will need to think of something else to win over your little gap store junior assistant manager. Now if you will excuse me? I need to go check on my friend, remind him anyone would be lucky to have him and make sure everyone else knows that they dont need to hold off out of respect for our lead soloist anymore. Kurt Hummel is fair game. You had your chance, you had months and apparently never took it. That's on you. Hope your happy with your choice." With that Wes scooped up his gavel and stormed from the room in the direction of Kurt's dorm leaving Blaine standing in the middle of the choir room alone.
"What the hell just happened?" He asked the empty room before sitting on one of the leather couches and putting his head in his hands.
He couldn't help but feel the growing dread thinking over everything his friends had said. The devastated look on Kurt's face as he tore out of the room fresh in his mind,. Like something inside him had just shriveled up and died. The broken Sob laced with pain ringing in his ears on repeat. Oh my god. What had he done? He considered Jeremiah, and how they'd been on two coffee dates and he'd paid for Blaine both times, he'd been sure he was flirting too...leading him to naturally feel sure that Jeremiah was interested in more than friendship...now that it'd been pointed out he couldn't help but compare situations and paled at the realization he'd been pretty much dating Kurt for months. By the logic he'd used to confirm Jeremiah had feelings for him in comparison to how he'd been with Kurt? No wonder Kurt was so freaking upset. No wonder he'd looked so shattered. God he really was oblivious, he knew he was, people had teased him about his obliviousness for years...but this time his obliviousness had hurt someone. Hurt KURT. Who was amazing and awesome and talented and gorgeous and smart and...oh my god...did he like Kurt? Did he more than like Kurt? He knew he'd liked Kurt the day they met. The minute he'd turned around on the staircase he'd been attracted to him, Kurt was stunning you'd need to be blind not to see that and he could admit freely to serenading him with Teenage Dream to wanting to impress the flat out gorgeous guy he'd just met...but then Kurt had told him about being bullied and had been so upset and somewhere down the line he'd just...decided that what Kurt needed was a friend, a mentor even. Only he hadn't told Kurt about his decision. Or changed how he acted or make sure he didn't flirt or leave mixed signals. It was so easy to stop trying to hard around Kurt, who always seemed to be so sure of who he was and was comfortable with who he was in way's Blaine Anderson didn't know he could ever be. From the hair on his head he practically beat into submission to his entire dapper persona...since the day he started at Dalton he'd decided he needed a change, that he never wanted to be what he was at his old school again. And he'd found comfort in it. Found comfort in the Dalton mold of dapper prep school gentlemen, he felt relief at knowing exactly what role he was meant to play and the even footing it put him on with his peers. It made him feel safe.
He remembered a conversation with Kurt where he'd sighed at him over his persistent hair gel use and briefly wondered out loud if Blaine had always been so repressed. At the time he'd laughed it off as ridiculous...of course he wasn't repressed. He was Blaine Anderson Dalton Student and lead soloist for the Warblers! Kurt had just looked at him for a long moment and said "What about Blaine Anderson the person? I've got a feeling he's someone far more interesting, un-tamed curls and all"
He couldn't help but contemplate after that conversation over when 'interesting' had started being translated as 'imperfect' in his mind when it came to himself. Sometime around coming to Dalton? In overhearing his father tell his mother that had he not stood out so much then maybe it wouldn't have happened, that if he could just be like everyone else he'd never have been attacked.
Was Wes right? Did he even have the right to make a play at 'Gay Yoda' as he put it in the first place? Blaine had changed, he actively reinvented himself...Kurt? A forced kiss, a death threat, and being forced to transfer to a new school and he still absolutely refused to change who he was deep down. If anything the only times he seemed to tone down anything about himself was because BLAINE had suggested it, automatically assuming Kurt would find the same comfort in conformity that he had. They were very different people though. Kurt was unique in every sense of the word, and Blaine had admired that from the first day. But it also scared him. Kurt stood out, far more than he ever had...and part of him had apparently decided that dating Kurt was not an option, not after everything he'd been through and not when Blaine was still clinging to his mold at Dalton terrified that if he stood out he'd be targeted again. Part of him acknowledged that dating Kurt would mean stepping out of his comfort zone, because once Kurt was out of the Blazer? he was the same person he'd been pre-Dalton and pre-Blaine and he knew that there was no way Blaine could stick to his Blazer and manufactured persona if he wanted to date Kurt and be in an honest relationship. As is the only time he was the most himself was when they were in his dorm behind a closed door where it was safe. He hadn't let that decision keep him from pursuing Kurt though, whether he realized he was doing it or not. He loved how being around Kurt made him feel, Kurt seemed to pry away the front he put on piece by piece every day eager to discover who Blaine was without everything else. He was part afraid of Kurt...part drawn to him, because Kurt himself represented everything he was too afraid to be. Comfortable and upfront about who he was.
How had he not noticed the damage he'd been doing to Kurt's self esteem? He KNEW he'd been in a bad place when he came to Dalton, he was more aware than anyone else at Dalton how all of Kurt's previous crushes had gone and how it had lowered his self esteem, Blaine himself had been the one to tell him to let himself be chased next time...and half of Blaine nudges to fit in had revolved around building him back up but it never occurred to him that it wasn't helping Kurt the same way it had helped him. Why had he assumed Kurt had needed to change to feel safe? Kurt was perfect how he was. He wasn't the problem. Dave Karofsky's repressed emotions and knack for lashing out was the problem, gay-solidarity or not it wasn't Kurt's fault he'd singled him out. Like Kurt's said...he was the only out person at their school, and he wasn't remotely shy about who he was...so naturally he'd been a target for someone hiding everything about themselves. When Kurt himself was a representation of everything he wanted to pretend didn't exist. He'd taken his self hatred for who he was and assigned it to the next best thing, Kurt. That shouldn't have been Kurt's problem though. It wasn't Kurt's job to change to cater to someone else repressed issues. Nor was it Kurt's job to support someone who had assaulted him in more ways then one..another mistake of Blaine's. Since when was it the victim's responsibility to rehabilitate their attacker? Sure they felt sorry for someone in the closet, it was tough being gay somewhere like Ohio. It didn't give you a free pass to attack and terrorize other people like you because of your own internalized homophobia however.
It hadn't been until he'd gone back to Dalton after that day and spoken to Wes about everything that he'd reached that conclusion. Wes had been quick to point out the flaws in that logic, and how damaging it could be to Kurt to feel like he had to help someone who had spent years terrorizing him and assaulted him, and how his initial advice to stand up to his bully's had not been smart and could've lead to Kurt getting seriously hurt especially since he didn't actually know the details of his situation... in the end it had lead to Kurt's first ever physical experience with a boy being taken from him, his first kiss. Forced on him by someone who'd been making his life hell. Someone who scared him.
He'd probably never forgive himself for the advice he'd given Kurt. Had he been more aware of the severity and the nature of the bullying...or the fact that Dave Karofsky could physically tear Kurt to pieces seeing as he was at least 3 times his size he'd never have told Kurt to confront him, let alone to confront him without other people around as witnesses. The first time he saw him after the kiss he'd tried so hard to play it cool and was determined to help Kurt and Dave both when in reality he'd been scared. When Karofsky had pushed him back against the fence he'd been fighting back flinching and shaking. But Kurt? Proud unashamed Kurt, who had been this guys victim for years, who was terrified of him...had immediately stepped between them and shoved him away from Blaine with slightly shocking force to defend him without even a moment of hesitation. If anything that right there should have taught him more about Kurt than anything, Kurt Hummel did not back down. Kurt was the kind of person who would step between someone he was afraid of to protect someone he cared about. Blaine Anderson was the step back and try keep the peace type, the type who got nervous during confrontation...the kind of person who put on a brave and wise front when in reality he had no freaking idea what he was doing. Kurt may not know what he was doing either, he'd said so more than once...but that was the difference. Kurt admitted he didn't know what he was doing. Blaine pretended he did.
Had Blaine seriously spent the last few months telling Kurt to stop being himself while leading him on? Kurt who was so wonderful to him, who had taken one look at Blaine and found him worthy...who had wanted to know the real him and defended him from his own bully and didn't compromise himself and...god Why did Kurt even still talk to him? Apparently he was a dumbass. How did he ever think he didn't like Kurt that way? That he'd moved past those feelings?He hadn't move past anything, he'd done exactly what Karofsky had done...repressed. Only instead of terrorizing Kurt he'd simply been slowly breaking Kurt's heart since the day they met. The worst part was that now that he was aware, he knew he did feel the same. God Jeremiah was nothing in comparison. Jeremiah was simply safer than his feelings for Kurt were.
He couldn't even blame the Warblers for not saying anything...since evidently they thought that they HAD been dating. He thought back to asking Kurt about what he thought on being serenading for Valentines day...and in his mind he saw Kurt's face, saw his eyes widen and light up and the small smile that formed when he'd breathlessly told Blaine that Serenading someone on Valentines day wasn't too much 'not at all' . Thinking back to that coffee date he didn't know how he didn't catch Kurt's sudden mood change, he'd gone from seeming uninterested or even irritated by the idea of Valentines day to smiling and blushing at Blaine as they split a cupid cookie...which yeah...now looking back he re-evaluated exactly what he'd said and done...someone he hadn't known very long, feelings changing into something deeper...followed by asking how Kurt felt about being serenaded on Valentines day...and then Blaine stepping forward to order and pay for their coffee's and a cookie to split. Kurt's happy 'you know my coffee order?'...it's possible he should get his head checked for brain damage?...it was the only logical explanation to his level of clueless. How had he not realized how that conversation would come off? Especially with how he'd been with Kurt since they met?
Had Kurt been so happy and upbeat all week thinking this was finally it? It was finally the day they would take that next step to being official? That he was finally enough? Spent all week with a permanent smile gazing wistfully at all the Valentine's day decorations around him and humming under his breath because he'd had all the hope in the world that this year was the year he would have a Valentine? Spent all week practically skipping to class because he was sure he'd be receiving a romantic serenade by the boy who had spent the last few months unofficially dating him?
Kurt's confused face asking why the gap flashed though his head and he winced. 'That's where he works, he's the junior assistant manager!' ...he'd been so enthusiastic about telling the Warblers about his idea...'I'm in love!'' he had told everyone. God Kurt was sitting right there thinking he was going to get serenaded, thinking Blaine had just admitted in front of their friends that he was in love with him...only to find out none of it had ever been for him. Kurt had supported his idea to serenade someone outside of Dalton so cheerfully...all because he thought he was going to be on the receiving end. Not because he even once thought he was about to be asked to serenade the crush of the guy he was in love with on Valentines day. The guy who had been holding his hand and going on coffee dates with and cuddling with and spending all of his time with...god he was King of Oblivion...Mayor of Clueless-ville...Captain of Mixed Signals...President of Leading people on and breaking their hearts club.
He'd messed up. Badly.
And now that he'd figured it out? He was going to have to watch every other gay guy at Dalton chase after the guy he'd been too stupid to realize he was in love with. Who had loved him back. Probably still did...but there was no way that Blaine could march up to Kurt's room and blurt out his realization. No way he could say ''Never mind! I just realized I actually love you- not him, sorry for the confusion... what song would you like me to serenade you with?" First he'd have to get past Trent...and Nick...and Jeff...and David...Thad...definitely Wes with that damned gavel...Yeah he couldn't see that going well.
Second? What right did he have to tell Kurt he loved him after he'd just announced to every Warbler that he was 'in love' with someone else? He'd never believe him, hell Blaine wouldn't have believed it either. He would come off as more fickle than anything. If he ever told Kurt how he felt and wanted it to be believed he'd have to figure something out...something that involved getting forgiveness and trying not to get jealous while everyone else was allowed to buy Kurt flowers and take him on dates and maybe even kiss him. There was nothing he could do about it that wouldn't make him seem like an even bigger asshole than he already was.
Now he needed to put Kurt first. He'd taken him for granted, he'd broken his heart...and now he had to live with the fact that he might never get the chance to be with him again. And it was his own fault.
With slumped shoulders and a heavy heart full of regret Blaine left the choir room and went to his dorm. Ready to curl up on his bed and cry over missed opportunities.
A/N: I don't know. I really don't. These keep just spilling out of me on their own. Hope you guys like it. Next chap will be Kurt's side of the situation. I think part of me wanted a 'someone interfered' fic that starts when everything went so wrong between them. I wanted a more emotional Kurt trying to deal while suddenly being the object of attention and affection by a crap ton of guys at Dalton and not understanding WHY because it's Kurt and especially after Blaine he's convinced no one in their right mind would ever want him. I want him to be proved wrong and realize like hey you've got options. I want Blaine working for it and being the one pining and chasing. Yay sporadic fic ideas with minds of their own!
R&R please and ty.
Love,
Jazz
