Author's Note: I just wanted to try writing some Andy POV while she was UC. I feel unsure about this-maybe that's my reflection about Andy and how I feel like we didn't see much of their relationship. Let me be clear, I do like Andy. I like her complications. My view is she had to have been thinking about Sam especially since she still loves him. She may have told Nick she was over him, but lies. I would lie to my friends (and myself) about being over a guy...mostly to get them off my back (close friends knew better). Love is an odd thing, everyone should know that! And feelings are never straightforward all the time in real life (it's why I'm unsure whether I want to share this). The time frame is a month or so in. I figure she was pondering things, but still needed to grow.
Dear Sam,
Where do I start? I'm sorry for leaving you when I did, but this opportunity showed itself to me when I needed to get away to clear my head and keep myself busy after things went south with us. I wanted in on this operation at the beginning of that day, going to Luke after pondering about throwing my name in for a few days. Even though my actions may not say it (who are we kidding you probably think they don't), I do think about you, and about us every single day. I think it's impossible for me to not think about you and us. There's too much between us, Sam. Three years of ups and downs.
I love you, I know you know that, but I felt unsure of your feelings for me. (Your actions did show me that you cared about me, but I need to hear your feelings with your voice.) I told you how I felt many times and you never did. You can call me selfish, but I have to look out for myself, you of all people should know that. My mom left me, my dad didn't but he loved that bottle more, Luke hurt me so much, but also led me to see how important you are in my life. They shaped me, in part into who I am.
I never expected to find love with you, but I was so over-joyed when I did. Probably the happiest I've ever been. You are such an important force in my life and I will never forget it. It just coincided with me starting my career, something I have to take very seriously and rely on for myself because I never wanted to be the girl always relying on a man (and I need to do something for me). And you showed me what a great cop I can be (I appreciate you so much; it's saved me a thousand times over). I was always jealous and intimidated of your undercover experience and wanted to see what the thrill of it is, and also to feel closer to you. And not to mention I really enjoyed the UC stuff I did with you, well except for that hooker detail...kinda did not make a good hooker there!
Okay, I'm rambling now (you know you miss that). I want us to find our way back to each other, but maybe we have some work to do on our own first.
I just want you to know I miss and love you more than words can ever say.
~Andy
