Summary: AU. Dean and Castiel's feelings erupt to the surface at a high school party. Will Dean accept his sexuality or will he keep hiding from it? Oneshot. PLEASE REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or its characters.

A/N: Thanks to my first reviewer I've decided to continue this. I don't know how many more chapters but hopefully no more than fifteen. Enjoy!


True to Myself

Chapter One: No Fixing This One

High school parties always have some weird, crazy stuff going on, and Dean Winchester never thought he'd be involved in any weird, crazy stuff, other than the occasional fuck with a cheerleader (usually Cassie or Lisa) in a closet, spare room or bathroom.

At this party, everyone was invited, even the nerdy kids, who sat in their own small corner of the living room of Ruby Bradshaw's house. Ruby was rather inclusive, and threw parties for everyone, not just the popular people. Castiel Novak's beautiful blue eyes followed Dean Winchester as he stood talking with the jocks and other popular kids, girls drooling over him.

"Cas, just go and drag him into a closet, fuck his brains out and walk away satisfied." Chuck Shurley said with an exasperated sigh.

Castiel turned to his best friend and shot him a glare before shaking his head and returning to his vodka. He really did like Dean a lot. He didn't love him…he knew that (well didn't love him yet), but he knew that he wanted to try and be in a relationship with Dean, as much of a dickhead as the guy could be at times. They did talk, especially in class, but Dean wasn't that much of a close friend of Castiel's.


Dean gazed across the room and saw Castiel staring at him again! He was getting pretty fucking sick of the staring. If he wanted to stare, the guy had a fucking awesome camera phone so he could take a photo since they last longer. Eventually he grew tired of those beautiful blue eyes on him. Beautiful? What?

Marching straight over to the kid he grabbed him by the arm and dragged him through the back yard and into an alleyway behind the house, pinning Castiel up against the fence.

"Okay, Novak," he growled, "You're gonna stop the fucking staring because it's so annoying and I wanna rip your eyes out so you can't."

"I can't help it, Dean…" Castiel admitted, "I'm sorry if I find you attractive okay?"

"You find me what now?"

Oops…

Castiel gulped and turned bright red in the face, the blush covered by the darkness of the alleyway. He looked at Dean with near tearful eyes, opening his mouth to explain only for it to be covered by Dean's. Castiel kissed Dean back urgently, gasping when he felt Dean's hand unbuckling the belt of his jeans, unfastening the button and the zip before reaching inside and into Castiel's boxers, taking the kid in hand and actually stroking him at a ridiculous speed to orgasm with a rough, dry hand. Castiel felt the burn of Dean's rough skin against his dry length which was standing pretty much to attention and he winced, suddenly feeling terrified by what Dean was doing to him. Dean kissed him hard enough to bruise before pinning Castiel to the fence by his throat, leaning towards his ear as the younger boy came over his hand.

"You fucking attracted to me now?" Dean asked, pulling back and cleaning Castiel and his own hand with Castiel's boxers before fastening the kid back up.

Castiel stood with tear-filled eyes, full of fear and pain, not the adoration they were full of earlier…yeah they were full of adoration, right before Dean jerked Castiel off without the his permission. Dean realised he missed the adoration and the happiness that Castiel's eyes held when he was around. He did like the guy…he really did like Castiel, even thought about him when mini-Dean needed some attention, and that was the memory that made everything sink in.

Dean realised he felt more satisfied when he thought about Castiel, even during usual everyday events he felt better when he thought of Castiel. Damn he'd even daydreamed about him once or twice. His libido was hiding this other caring, loving Dean who wanted to be with Castiel, and then he realised he'd just violated the kid in a back alley at a high school party. Was it to put Castiel off? Was it to try and attract him even more? Was it because he was so fucking in love with the guy that when he found out Castiel liked him back, he panicked and couldn't believe it?

"Cas…" Dean began, his chest tightening as Castiel flinched at the sound of his own name, "Cas…I'm sorry…"

Dean had stopped pinning Castiel to the fence by this time and reached a hand up to cup Castiel's cheek. The younger boy flinched again and moved his head away.

"Castiel, please," Dean whispered, "I just didn't know how…I just…I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry!"

A very guilt-ridden, very ashamed, very panicky, very in love Dean Winchester turned and bolted, leaving an even more ashamed and panicky Castiel crying his eyes out.

"Dean! Dean, come back!"

Dean wanted to stop and turn around, apologise to the kid again and just hold him so tight…but his legs wouldn't stop. He just couldn't go back. He kept running and didn't stop until he reached home, heading straight upstairs and getting into bed, and curling up under the sheets. He felt such a bastard. Plus he'd left poor Castiel in the cold night, alone, vulnerable and violated…yeah, he fucking violated him. Tears escaped his eyes as he rolled over onto his side.

There was absolutely no fixing this one.


Castiel sat alone in that alleyway, crying into his knees as he curled in on himself. Dean would never come back for him now. How would they face each other on Monday? What if someone had seen them? Would Dean ever look at him again?

It dawned on Castiel that he'd probably just lost the one person he knew he truly loved, and he wasn't going to get him back.

-TBC-