A/N: Aaaaand, the long awaited Matt oneshots are back! Hurray! -claps and cheers- This is CC bringing you What if Matt was: (I decided to get rid of the 'a'). Previously this used to be a collab between me and Sazerac on the account called The Awesome Cool PeopleTM but since Saz abandoned the fic, I've decided to write it.
For those who haven't seen this before, I'm going to be adding the old chapters as well. But fear not, when I upload old chapters, there will always be a new chapter close behind 8D
Disclaimer: Don't own Matt, nor Death Note, nor anything you recognise. Yeah.
Warnings: This chapter (and some other chapters) were written during NaNoWriMo. You have the right to be scared.
Matt rounded the corner, and gazed upon the house with its many windows and doors. Beside him, Mello cocked his gun and nodded. The two of them slipped through the open gates and crouched down directly underneath the window. They had been tipped off on this particular house selling drugs. Matt exchanged glances with Mello, who nodded.
They were each wearing a bulletproof vest and were more than trained to do this. Matt shifted the gun in his hand, then counted very slowly to three.
"One...
"Two...
"Three!"
He sprang up, crashing through the window and rolling to break his fall, before raising his gun and aiming it at the first thing he saw. "FREEZE, POLICE!"
What greeted him was a very surprising sight.
Three men, perhaps in their late teens or early twenties, and one young woman stared at him, half-way through cutting a chocolate cake. One of the men—a guy with black hair and large eyes with bags under them picked up a sugar cube and looked at him curiously.
"And you are?"
Matt shifted uncomfortably. "I'm ... um ... wait! I don't have to tell you! I'll tell you anyway." He flipped his police badge. "I'm Matt Jeevas, residential awesome policeman. And this is my colleague, Mello Keehl." He indicated Mello, who, bored with the events, had started eating chocolate.
"And you?"
"My name is Light," a smart-looking brunet in a suit spoke up. "Yagami Light."
"Hey, I know you!" exclaimed Matt. "Your dad works with us! What's his name? Yagami ... Su ... Sushi?"
"Soichiro," said Light coldly.
"Whatever," interrupted Mello. "Are you or are you not selling drugs?"
"Would you like to buy some?" said a teen with curious white hair, playing with toys.
"AHA!" yelled Matt, "Caught in the act!"
The teen rolled his eyes. "No. I was testing you to see whether you were drug addicts."
Matt blinked in surprise. "Why would you want to do that? I've shown you my freaking badge, for video games' sake!"
"Badges can be fake," said the raven-haired man gravely. "My name is Ryuzaki. I work with the police force. In fact, all of us do. Except Misa."
The blonde girl in the room smiled and winked. "Hi, I'm Misa Misa! Are you Misa Misa's fans?"
Mello ignored her. "Do you have a badge?" he asked.
Ryuzaki shook his head, eating a strawberry. "But I have handcuffs." He took them out of his pocket. Matt wondered how handcuffs could possibly fit in those worn jeans.
"Handcuffs don't count!" said Matt. "We were tipped off about you guys selling drugs. Are you? You look really suspicious."
"Suspicious?" sniffed Ryuzaki.
"You look suspicious," Light pointed out, speaking to Matt. "I mean with those dodgy goggles and strange stripes—" Matt looked miffed "—and girly blonde hair and leather freaking pants, don't you think someone would suspect you?"
Mello glared and muttered something about keeping undercover.
"You owe us a window," the albino teen said monotonously.
"Shut up," Mello hissed at him.
Misa strutted over to him in her dangerously tall heels. "Light-o! Don't you think I'm cuter than him?" she giggled.
"Uh..." Light was momentarily stunned. "Yeah, Misa. Yeah. Huh."
"Well," announced Mello with a superior air, "we'll be staying to monitor your actions. So while we're watching..." He trailed off, and suddenly disappeared. Everyone's heads swivelled at the same time, and found Mello standing next to the table with chocolate around his mouth, and the entire chocolate cake gone.
"That was quick," remarked the white-haired teen.
Matt stared at him suspiciously. "You haven't introduced yourself," he pointed out. "Who are you?"
"My name is John Smith," he deadpanned.
Mello nodded, thinking it was somewhat uncommon to be named John Smith. "Are you related to Bob Smith? Or Bill Smith? How about George Smith?"
"No, Mello," said 'John', "You're such a gullible idiot. I'm Near. Near River."
Mello blinked. "Oh." Well Near wasn't an uncommon name at all.
"Hang on," Matt said slowly. One could almost see the cogs in his genius brain turning. "How come everyone has a last name except you?" He pointed an accusing finger at Ryuzaki. "Are you a dealer?"
Ryuzaki sighed, eating another strawberry. "It's because I'm actually the best detective in the world, L. I'm famous."
Matt raised an eyebrow. "Never heard of him."
Mello however, was goggling. "You're L?" he gasped in excitement. "Like, oh my God, L! Like, it's so good to see you! Like, you have to tell me about the LABB cases and, like, everything! Like, oh my God this is so exciting! This is the best day of my, like, life!"
L paled, looking utterly lost with how to deal with a raving fanboy. "No, I'm not L," said L. "I'm...uh...Eraldo Coil."
"Oh." Mello sighed in disappointment.
Light sighed as well. "I'll write a book," he told L. "It'll be called How to deal with raving fanboys."
"What about fangirls?" asked Matt. He suddenly pointed to the window, where there were a bunch of fangirls standing right outside it.
Light shrugged. "No idea how to deal with them."
Unfortunately, they all seemed to remember at the same time that the window was broken. Mello stared, horrified, as the hoard of girls rushed towards them, squealing at incredibly high pitches and all wearing extremely revealing clothing.
They were suddenly overwhelmed. Matt found himself in a sea of fangirls, all squealing and sobbing over the fact that he wasn't dead—now where could they have gotten that assumption from? He could see they were also sobbing over L and Mello, and Near got a considerable amount of attention. Despite this, Light had very few fangirls surrounding him, and Misa had next to none.
She probably fared better with the male population.
Matt was caught off-guard as he watched, and some lucky fangirl managed to plant a kiss on his cheeks amidst the chaos. The fangirl immediately squealed at the top of her voice, screaming about how she kissed her 'cute Mattie-poo', and the rest of the fangirls immediately swooped in as well.
Needless to say, he fainted.
A/N: Aaand, that is all for today! Hurray! If you are interested, please review. If you aren't so interested, review anyway.
Yes?
-CC out!
