This kind of came from nowhere after listening to Cut Here by The Cure far too many times. It was written as a oneshot but I've split it into 7 sections to make it easier to read, I think.

I had a lot help with this one; I have to say a huge, huge thank you to Emma (Emmajoie) for reading this over, giving me pointers and assuring me that there was something here.

And a massive great thank you to Kate (Peyt4Luke4eva) who spent many hours with me going over absolutely everything and making this the story that it now is.

So this one's for Emma who read it first, and for Kate who probably knows this story better than I do. Girly I appreciate your time more than I could ever say with words. The simplest way I can put it is; Thank you.

...

I'll be doing my best and I'll see you soon…

I bounce the basketball along the driveway in a casual manner; it's an action that's as natural as breathing to me. The rhythm's only lost when a pair of slender legs passes by my eye line. I shouldn't be stealing glances at my ex-girlfriend but Peyton's legs have always been distracting.

"Nate!" She scolds, striding past me and offering a whack to my head.

As I play ball, she's moving all of my possessions from my bedroom to my car ready for my move from Tree Hill to Oak Lake. Really I should be helping out but she'd only tell me off for doing it wrong.

"That's it, the last box." She blows her bangs out of her face. I have to double take sometimes, seeing her with straight hair, it suits her but I always loved her curls.

She puts a hand to her brow in an attempt to shield the bright summer sun from her eyes as she gazes in my direction, "Now you better like this new school because there is absolutely no way I'm moving your junk for a third time."

Her tone's threatening but I know, and secretly she knows, that if I asked to her help me move yet again she'd lend a hand. That's just the kind of person she is. After all she's done it twice already; first at the beginning of the summer when I moved from the apartment back to my parents and now once again as I move away to Oak Lake.

"You totally owe me." She says, hands on hips, "Pizza will be fine."

I snort, "This was a favour, you offered, remember?"

She shrugs her shoulders arrogantly, "I don't care. You are buying me pizza and you are spending your last night with me. It's the least you can do considering the fact that you're deserting me."

I cringe at her words even though she's just joking around. She notices me wincing and rushes to assure me that she's a big girl and can cope without me; she's not that needy. I still feel like the world's worst friend for bailing on her though.

Over the summer we've grown closer. I don't really know how it happened considering the fact that I've been at High Flyers and we've only shared a scattering of calls, a few letters and a bunch of e-mails. I guess that we've both been in similar places, dealing with complicated stuff with no one else to rant to.

It all started at the beginning of the summer; the night that Haley came back to Tree Hill and my Dad got caught in the fire at the dealership. Once I recovered from the shock of my wife returning and my Dad getting hurt, I headed out to clear my head.

I was walking along the beach feeling sorry for myself when I saw a figure hunched over on the sand. I recognised her loose curls and skinny frame immediately. And even though I'd headed to the beach with the intention of being on my own, something pulled me towards her.

I remember how she looked up at me with the saddest pair of eyes I've ever seen in my life. Instantly all of my problems melted away because I could see that she needed someone at that moment.

She explained to me about Ellie, a woman who'd turned up on her doorstep claiming to be her biological Mom. And later I told her of Haley's return as well as the dealership fire. They say that misery loves company and I guess in this instance they were right; we talked all night.

From then on, it's kind of just been me and her. Brooke's been away in California and Lucas has been spending his time with his recently returned best friend. She's the only one that I've been in contact with anyway and from the sound of it, she hasn't exactly been up for socialising.

At first it was all about Haley and Ellie; all anger, bitterness and hate, then I guess that got old and we started talking about anything and everything else. I never realised how alike we are until then. It's weird how well I got to know her in the three months I was away. I think I learnt more about her through those letters and late night conversations than I ever did when we were actually together.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" She asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Something old school." I decide quickly, surprising myself, "Maybe we can pretend for one night like we're still sophomores; no crazy wives, no crazy moms."

She raises her eyebrows and laughs. I listen to her chuckle and watch as her eyes crease at the corners and her hair falls into her face, "We were dating back then. No crazy wives, no crazy moms but definitely a crazy relationship."

I shrug, "You can't say it wasn't fun."

Shaking her head she laughs further, "No, but I can say it was a lot of other stuff too."

I frown when I see her expression freeze and her eyes widen. She's staring at something behind me and I have a feeling I'm not going to like what I find there.

I turn slowly and meet a pair of watery chocolate brown eyes.

"Nathan. You're back." Her voice is soft and surprised.

I hang my head, realising that I probably should have checked in on Haley if only for the sake courtesy. "Um, not exactly."

"I don't understand." She says through a deep stare.

I glance to Peyton who urges me on with her eyes, "I'm leaving, Hales. Oak Lake offered me a place for senior year and I took them up on it. I think it'll be a good move for me."

She runs her fingers through her long hair and notices my loaded car for the first time, "Right, um, so you're leaving soon, huh?"

"Yeh, tonight actually." I reveal.

Her eyes pop in surprise, "So this is goodbye?'

"I guess it is." I sink my hands into my pockets and stare at the girl I fell in love with. She still looks the same, she is the same but I don't feel the same. Something changed over the summer after she left me for the tour. Now that I've finally seen her again, I realise what's changed. I don't love her anymore.

"Well," She wrings her hands and looks like she's about to reach out and hug me before she thinks better of it, "Good Luck, Nathan. I mean that, really."

"Yeah," I nod and try to ignore the tears in her eyes as she takes one last long look, "You too, Hales."

I watch as she walks away and feel the supportive hand of Peyton on my shoulder.

"You did good, Dude." She tells me, "I thought I might have lost you there for a minute."

I shake my head and smile at her mysterious mind, "No, it's over. If I wasn't sure before, I am now. Seeing her proved it, the spark or whatever it was, it's gone."

She raises her eyebrows but doesn't comment.

"I'm okay." I assure her, "I think I've known for a while."

Her eyes interrogate me for a second longer before she claps her hands together, "Right, well, if you're sure. Now how much longer do you have the honour of my company for?"

I look at my watch and figure that I can drive through the night, "We've got all evening."

She looks pleasantly surprised, "A lot can happen in the space of an evening."

I wag my eyebrows suggestively, "Sure can, do you remember that time at the beach house?"

She shakes her head, "Well we're sure as hell not doing that tonight!"

"You didn't complain before." I remark, cheekily.

She folds her arms over her chest and delivers her best scowl, "We're not having sex, Nathan."

I shrug, "Worth a try."

Her rose lips curve into a smirk and I'm sure she's thinking about us, just like I am. It feels like another lifetime ago and yet at the same time it could have been just yesterday.

"Stop it." She warns.

"What?" I question, throwing my arms out in a gesture of complete obliviousness.

"You're thinking about when we were together." She says in her knowing tone.

"So?" I ask, annoyed with the fact that she's reading me like a book right now whilst I have no idea what she's trying to tell me.

"Let me guess," She swings her feet, "You're remembering all the excitement, the jokes, the passion, the feeling, and the sex."

I shrug, "Yeah, what's the problem? Don't you ever think about that stuff?"

"Sure, but then I remember the fights, the break-ups, the screaming, the crying, the anger." She reels off.

"Yeah, yeah." I sigh, not wanting the trip down memory lane where I'm a Jackass, "Turned out alright though, didn't it?"

"I just don't want you getting any ideas." She explains, "But you're right, for once; we did come through it okay."

I smile smugly at being right, it doesn't happen often so I choose to relish in it while it lasts.

"Right." She says suddenly, jumping down from her perch on the breakfast bar, "We are wasting valuable time here whilst you bask in your glory. We've got one night."

She pauses and reaches for her purse, and I'm reminded that soon enough I'm not going to have her around.

"I got you something." She reveals, "Bear in mind that you gave me ridiculously short notice on this so don't moan if it's a crummy gift."

I don't care whether it's a rock she's brought me, the fact that she's bothered is thought enough. I scour my mind for something to give her even though I know that she'll see right through me and know that I didn't really get her anything.

"Here." She thrusts a package towards me.

I take it from her outstretched hand and turn it over before carefully pulling at the wrapping. From the corner of my eye I see her roll her eyes at how slowly I work at opening the gift. She's a tear-the-paper-apart kind of girl. I slip the box from the paper into my outstretched hand and laugh at the present of pens, paper and envelopes in emerald green.

"I didn't know what to get." She blushes slightly but I don't know why, "I just figured it's something useful."

"It's perfect." I tell her.

She gives me a watery smile, "I'm not going to cry."

"Don't be soft." I say, it's a tease but I don't want to see her upset.

"Sorry, Dude, you knew it was going to happen sometime." She shrugs, "I have to tell you some things before you leave."

I raise my eyebrows but restrain from mocking her further because I can tell that whatever she's about to say means something.

"Firstly," She smiles widely and throws me a deep stare, "I want you to know that I'm proud of you, and not just for your basketball, but everything. The way that you've grown in the past year, the fact that you're looking to the future, the way that you're handling Haley and how you've been such a great friend to me. If anything ever gets you down or you get pushed into a corner, always remember that you've got a fan in me and I'll always have your back."

She takes a breath and I stare at her, a little choked that she's telling me she's proud. To this point I've felt like I'm alone in this move away. Even my parents haven't been this supportive, neither of them have told me they're proud, they're too caught up in themselves for that. To hear someone say it, finally I feel that I might just be doing the right thing and I'm not doing on my own.

"If you ever need anything, know that you can call on me." She says in the most sincere of tones.

"Hey," I interrupt her speech, "Right back at you."

She smiles warmly, blinking through the tears, "Thank you. I really mean that, for being such a great friend recently. Brooke's been working her way through the males on the West Coast and trying to wrap her head around Luke; he's been tied up with Haley and you've been the only one I've really been able to talk to. I don't want to lose that, no matter how far away we get from one another."

"You won't." I confirm, "And hey, I'm not going that far. I'm always on the end of the phone and you can come see me whenever you like."

"I was hoping you'd say that." She grins. "Now please, don't get married again before you graduate at least."

She laughs, and I do too. If anyone else had said it I'm sure I wouldn't have found it funny but I know that she's just looking out for me.

She pauses and I feel the shift in her mood, from amusement to a pang of sadness, "I'm going to miss you so bad."

"Come here, Sawyer." I wrap my arms around her slight frame and she holds me like she's never going to let me go.

I know that in a matter of hours I'm going to have to say goodbye to the only friend I have left. Until then, she can cling to me all she likes and I'll hold her right back.

And over my shoulder as I walk away, I see you give that look goodbye…

I glance into my rear-view mirror and all I can see is her. Her short hair blowing in the soft wind; her hand waving madly; her lips forcing a smile; her eyes meeting mine; and her tear stained cheeks.

I left Tree Hill over an hour ago but every time I look behind me, all I see is her defeated silhouette filling the mirror. Every part of me was screaming to get out and give her one last squeeze, one last assurance that everything would be okay, one last goodbye but I knew that it would only be a never-ending cycle. It would never feel right leaving her behind with all the ghosts and demons and bad memories.

I switch on the radio, hoping that the company of music or a DJ will take my mind from Peyton. As soon as the speakers spark to life I realise what a mistake I've made. Every song, every station and every host leads me back to her; music always has been and always will be hers, in the same way that basketball will be mine.

The roads are quiet which I expected considering the time of night, it's dark and I'm engulfed by the nothing surrounding me. It seems kind of fitting.

My trance continues until I arrive in Oak Lake; it's so deep that I don't remember reaching the town. In fact I only realise where I am when the scenery around me changes from the monotonous highway to the leafy suburbs of the place that's now home.

I'm on call, to be there…

The sound of my phone rouses me from my sleep; I reach for my cell which is on the bedside table and smile when I note the caller ID. I haven't been in Oak Lake all that long but it feels that way, I guess you could say that I miss Tree Hill.

"Sawyer, hi." I say into the receiver as I answer.

"Hey." It's all slow and sad, the way she says that one word.

"What's up?" I ask, pulling myself into a seated position and trying to rub the sleep from my eyes. I know from the few short phone calls and the e-mails we've traded since I left, that she's got a lot going on and I want to give her my full attention.

She hesitates, "I'm sorry, it's late, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You didn't." I lie, "It's good to hear from you, it's been a while."

"Yeah." She sighs and I realise that it probably sounds like I'm accusing her of not keeping in touch or something.

"I know you've been busy, I have too." Another lie. "So, what am I missing in Tree Hill?"

"A whole load of drama, like usual." There's the slightest hint of bitter laughter to her voice, "Lucas is chasing after Brooke but she wants to be non-exclusive; secretly Brooke wants to be with Luke but won't admit it; Haley's hanging around like a bad smell and she's moved into the apartment with Brooke so it's not as though I can drop in and see her whenever I like unless I want a confrontation with Haley."

"Hey, you don't have to hate Haley for me." I say firmly, "You shouldn't have to lose out on seeing Brooke just because she's there."

"I don't hate her for you, well not just for you. I just don't like what she did." Peyton huffs, "She's waltzed back like she didn't do anything wrong and I just don't like it."

"Fair enough." I say, not wanting to get her any more riled up about Haley. "But what's going on with you?"

"I wish I knew." And in typical Peyton fashion she clams up.

"Maybe I can help?" I propose, hoping that she'll use the shoulder I'm offering.

"Mmm." She can be damn stubborn when she wants to be, I think to myself.

"Try me."

I can't see her but I know that her lips are twisting into a reluctant smile, "Well you asked for it."

I smirk, "Do your worst."

She heaves a sigh before delving into her emotions, "So, this Ellie thing? On principal I should hate her; she gave me up and never really looked back because she liked drugs more than me."

She stops and I can tell that how much it hurts her to know she was rejected by her own mother before she was even given a chance. Anyone would be bitter about it, naturally, but given Peyton's complex about people always leaving, it's no wonder that she's so upset by the whole thing.

"Peyton," I say her name in drawn out way, like I'm scolding her but I'm actually concerned.

"I know, I know." She sniffs loudly, "So there's all that but she's got cancer and this could be my last chance to find out who I am, even though I thought I already knew who I was. How mixed up do I sound?"

She pauses to laugh, but to me there's nothing funny.

Sighing, she continues, "I want to find stuff out but I don't want to lose anything I already have. Like I found out that Ellie's really into music and I always thought that I got that from my Mom; Anna, that is. I don't want to find out any more things that I thought were my Mom's only to find out that I got them from this complete stranger instead."

"That's some heavy stuff." I remark, not very helpfully.

I'm pretty sure she's rolling her glassy eyes right now, "But what do I do, Nate?"

"Maybe you should talk to Ellie." I propose, "Tell her exactly what you told me. It's probably best just to be honest with her."

"I guess." She says, thinking it over.

"Peyton, it's not wrong to want to know about her, you're entitled to that." I tell her, "And it sounds like you might not get another chance."

I hear her suck in a breath, "What if I find out that I'm like her?"

"Then she must be a pretty awesome person underneath it all, for you to be anything alike." I shrug.

She laughs and relief floods me, "Thanks for listening to my crazy ramblings."

"Not a problem, you can call me whenever, okay?" I tell her.

"You might live to regret that offer." She warns.

"Never." I assure her, "What are you doing up so late anyway?"

"Masquerade party," She reveals, "You're actually talking to an Angel of Death right now."

"Comforting." I say dryly, and wonder if her humour's rubbing off on me.

"So I might actually take your advice and go talk to Ellie, I could do with some fresh air." She hints at me to get off the phone.

"Okay, well good luck." I wish her.

After she hangs up I find myself wide awake. My mind's whirring with the thought of her going to face Ellie. I can tell from hearing her voice that she's worried, and that in turn makes me worried.

I wish that I wasn't stuck here in Oak Lake, I want to be there with her so that she doesn't have to do this on her own. I want to do something to make this easier for her, but the most I can do is lie here and panic.

There's a split second when I think of calling Brooke or Lucas. I haven't spoken to either of them in a long time but for the sake of Peyton I'm willing to consider it. I shoot down the idea though; I figure that there's a reason that she hasn't opened up to them and it'll do me no favours to spill her secrets. If there's one thing I'm going to hold onto it's the fact that at least she's talking to someone about this, albeit that person is in a different town and is helpless to support her.

So I do all I can do and spend the night wracked with dread and guilt as she faces her demons alone.