A/N: Ooh, I'm excited! My first ever crossover! I hope it's up to the standard of the ones I've been reading lately, because they were epic, but even if it's not, I tried! Hopefully everyone is in character and stuff, but I'll leave that up to you to decide. Enjoy it! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own the Mighty Boosh, or Doctor Who. I don't own anything. Not even my own brain; I stole that from a bloke I met in London a couple of weeks ago...
Chapter one
The Tardis was making a weird noise. Again. In fact, it was getting weirder by the second. It sounded like a wheezing robot at first, then a howling dog, then a shrilly screaming cat.
"Doctor, what is going on?" Amy shouted over the noise. She was clinging to Rory with one hand and the railings with the other. Rory looked just as worried as she sounded. The doctor, on the other hand, was in his element, running around the centre panel pressing buttons and pushing oddly shaped levers.
"I have no idea!" he shouted in reply. Suddenly, the screaming noise increasing in volume and pitch, and part of the control panel exploded into flames. The doctor leapt backwards, nearly setting fire to his bow tie, and fell over.
"Not good! Not good at all!" he said very loudly. He got up and began to run around in a panic, as Amy and Rory cowered in a corner. The sound stopped suddenly. The fire burnt out. The engines faded and what sounded like a death toll was heard. And the Tardis began to drop…
"Howard? You seen my silver boots?" Vince was standing in front of his wardrobe staring at the contents.
"No. Where did you last have them?" Howard said from his place under the pillow where he was the one trying to sleep off a blinder for once.
"Umm… I think at Leroy's party. Oh, shit! What if I left them at Leroy's?"
"Well, you could just go and fetch them."
"No, I can't! Leroy's moving to Kensington today, the posh dick."
"Oh. Well, can't you give him a call?"
"Yeah!" Vince perked up immediately. "I'll try it now." He took out his phone and dialled Leroy's number. But ten attempts later, he shouted:
"Aaargh! The prick won't answer!" He flung himself down on his bed in a loud strop, reminding Howard that he really shouldn't have had those last three pints. But Vince suddenly stood up and said:
"Don't worry, Howard, they're down the end of the bed. I must have chucked them there when we got home last night. Never mind." Howard groaned. His patience was being tested by the electro poof yet again. But he couldn't help but smile when Vince sat down on the end of his bed and said:
"Isn't this meant to be the other way around?"
"Yeah. Probably." He sat up slowly and winced as his head exploded with pain. He saw Vince looking at him in concern.
"Howard? You alright, Howard?"
"Yeah, just great. How did this even happen? I never get drunk."
"I know. And I never don't. I don't get it."
"No. Urgh." Howard slumped back down onto the pillows.
"Do you want me to do anything for you, Howard?" Vince murmured, close to him.
"Cup of tea would be nice." He closed his weary eyes and sighed, but smiled. He quite liked having Vince looking after him. Until, that is, Vince walked back in with the tea, fell over the boots he had discarded by the door, and spilled lukewarm tea all over him. He gave up and got up a few minutes later. It wasn't worth the effort of trying to be patient with Vince.
Meanwhile, the doctor was rushing around, still panicking, trying to find something, anything that was still working in the Tardis. He pulled every lever in the place, pushed every button, hit every surface as he rushed around. But if anything, their situation seemed to get worse. They fell faster and faster, being thrown around the main room of the Tardis. And then Rory just happened to fall on a small red lever. It moved three point seven inches precisely, and everything stopped. The dropping sensation stopped, and there was a small bump as the Tardis hit something hard, like ground.
"Ah." The doctor said. "We seem to have landed. Well done, Rory." Amy, who hadn't witnessed the small miracle, stood up with a bemused look on her face. Rory stood up too, and said:
"Thanks. Although, to be honest, I didn't do it deliberately."
"Oh, well, never mind then. Come on; let's go see where we are." He opened the door of the Tardis and looked out. Then he very quickly shut the door and stood in front of it.
"Doctor?" Amy said. "What's going on?"
"I'm not sure, but I doubt you'll want to go out there."
"Why, what's wrong with it? Where are we?"
"It doesn't matter. Now, let's go." He started to set coordinates for a distant planet. Or he tried to, anyway. The controls were still unresponsive.
"Damn!" he shouted, making Amy and Rory jump. "She's in sleep mode. We'll have to go out there, get some help." Amy immediately took this as permission to open the doors and look out in triumph. But then she sighed.
"Doctor, it's a street."
"Yes."
"So why were you making out it was so dangerous?"
"I wasn't, I was saying we shouldn't go there, because it's boring. And it is. I mean, you live on Earth! Why do you need to keep coming back?"
"Hold on. This is earth?"
"Yes. London to be precise."
"What bit of London?" Rory piped up.
"Hmm… Camden, Shoreditch, that kind of area."
"Well, it shouldn't be too hard to find help then, should it?"
"No. But I warn you now; I'm not going to ask at any place that looks boring."
"Fine. Just get out there, doctor, or I'll set my plastic nearly human husband on you." Amy threatened jokingly.
"I'm going, I'm going." He raised his hands and walked out, followed by a laughing Amy and a slightly vexed looking Rory.
"Look, Howard, you aren't looking very good. Maybe you should let me open up today?" Vince stood in front of Howard, who was sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea. He did look pale and wan, but he had a look of determination on his face that Vince had come to know. It was a look that he got when he was unsure, but truly wanted to do the right thing. He got that look a lot when he was dealing with Vince.
"No, Vince. I'll open up. Just… you know, if I get worse… cover for me?"
"Course I will. Now come on, get your jazzy arse downstairs. We got work to do." Howard raised his eyebrows at the reversal of roles taking place today. Normally he had to cajole Vince into working. Now it seemed that he couldn't be keener. But he got up and followed his friend down the stairs, asking:
"Why are you so keen to work today?"
"Well, Naboo keeps telling me off for not working hard enough. And anyway, I got a good feeling about today. I think something's gonna happen."
"Well, so long as it's something good." He opened the blinds on the door and jumped back at the sight of a gangly man in braces and a bow tie, a fairly ordinary looking blond bloke, and a red haired woman standing on the step.
"Can we come in?" the gangly man mouthed.
"Five minutes." Howard mouthed back. The gangly man made a pleading gesture. Howard rolled his eyes and opened the door.
"Hello." Said the gangly man. "I'm the doctor. Do you have a spanner?"
The daleks are going to exterminate me. My dying wish is a review. Pleeease?
